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The concept of Givers Gain® is a principle related to the law of reciprocity, a social-science theory that a positive action results in another positive action, which potentially rewards both parties as well as having a ripple effect that continues to help other people.

Giving has many cultural and legal differences around the world. In some cultures, it’s viewed negatively. It is ultimately a positive societal force that can be applied in every business regardless of location or culture. What’s important in acts of giving is our motivation.

The motivations that fit with the philosophy of Givers Gain

1. We give because we understand that in a community, what we do affects what others will do, and we all benefit.
2. We give because we know that in the same situation, others would do the same for us.
3. We give because we want to give back where we have profited.
4. We give because when we work together, we get bigger and better results than working on our own.
5. We give because we enjoy it.

Having an ethical motivation is key to giving. You can easily justify giving once, but giving over and over again requires a motivation that’s understood not only by you but also by those you surround yourself with. Adopting one or more of the motivations above will help you stay grounded.

Positive giving in business changes lives

Allen is a commercial real estate agent in Orange County, California. A number of years ago, Allen met with as many businesspeople as he possibly could using his network. The more people he met, the more he was able to become a super-connector for the local business community. He was generating a ton of business for the local economy simply by making connections and giving the gift of a referral.

He even won awards for it and became the star of his group. He was recognized as having the most one-to-ones, and he also gave out the most referrals. Allen focused on building relationships. Once he was convinced he had found a good business opportunity for both of his contacts he would often phone them on the spot and put them together, thus creating a powerful introduction much more likely to lead to business.

When I asked him how all of this activity had affected his business at a bad time for real estate, he said, “I am completing the best year in my 26 years in the business.”

Giving in business, as in life, works in many positive ways

Take David, who runs a fantastic print business offering a brilliant service, great value, and reliable delivery. If you ever try to pay him a compliment, he’ll offer a sheepish smile and an explanation that he was only “doing his job”.

Just up the road from where his business is based is the area’s largest independent hotel. He is a trusted supplier for this hotel. After turning around an order on a particularly short deadline, the hotel manager exemplified his gratitude. He offered David a meal for two at the hotel’s restaurant as a way of saying thank you.

David graciously declined the offer and instead asked for something else — to take the call of one of his other clients, a commercial designer, and project manager named Suzanne. Suzanne had recently asked for help, and David decided to use this opportunity to get her the introduction that her business needed. The introduction was made, business was done, and both of David’s clients were happy.

In the true spirit of giving, Suzanne’s additional revenue has allowed her to take on larger development projects, which David now prints for. The local subcontractors she uses on these projects have increased revenue and now come to David when they are in need of his products, becoming ambassadors and referrers for his business. The cycle of giving continues to benefit him and those around him.

Acts of giving change lives. Acts of giving can be powerful in business regardless of the size. We can give many things.

The types of giving that make a real impact in a business community

1. Give a referral opportunity between two other businesses you know (maybe a supplier and a client).
2. Give mentoring to a business that needs your expertise.
3. Give your knowledge to local business groups.
4. Give to local education and youth community groups.
5. Give to the elders of the community.

All of this giving activity is part of an eco-system. It will come back and benefit you and those you care about in a positive way. You can choose how to practice Givers Gain in whatever way is right for your business. The more this happens, the more energy can be given to important global social concerns. Infinite giving allows us to focus on the bigger picture, on living in a world of plenty where resources are plentiful and suffering is scarce.

Grief is patient, it has a way of coming out of nowhere and hitting you over the head when you don’t expect it.  I’ve experienced this first-hand.  As you may know, I lost my bride of 31 years just a few months ago.

In trying to wrap my head around the new life I am forced to navigate, someone recommended a podcast to me called Widow We Do Now? (www.WidowWeDoNow.com).  I recommend it to anyone who has lost a spouse.  It is hosted by two young widows.  It is very conversational but anyone who has lost a spouse can definitely get help out of many of the episodes. After I listened to the first one – I wondered why it was recommended to me.  However, after I listened to the second one, I was hooked.  I’ve listened to almost all the past episodes and it has given me some solace hearing the stories about other people who have had the same kind of loss.  You can listen to a podcast from anywhere in the world and I highly recommend it.

I’ve learned a lot from these shows that will help me in my journey AND just as importantly, will help me when I’m talking to other people that have had such a close and personal loss.  Even if you haven’t lost a spouse, the things I’ve learned will help me and possibly help you when talking to someone who has.

Here are some lessons on grief that might be of value to you:

1. The Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief was written for people who have been told they have a terminal disease. It does NOT apply when someone has lost a spouse.  Check out this article from Healthline.com.  The Seven Steps mentioned at the end are relevant to the loss of a loved one.   https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief .
2. When talking to someone who has lost a spouse – go where the widow/widower is at that moment. If they are depressed, do NOT talk to them about things getting better over time.  It doesn’t help them and it can actually shut them down from talking to you.  Instead, ask them to talk about how they feel and don’t try to fix it.  [Note, the obvious exception to this is anything involving suicidal ideation – that requires a response that I am not qualified to offer you.]  If they say they are feeling better, ask them to tell you about that and support that feeling for them.
3. Don’t judge them! If they still wear their wedding ring – don’t ask them why. If they took off their wedding ring – don’t ask them why.   Just be present with them and don’t judge them.
4. Do not tell them they will find someone else someday and will have the chance to re-marry. Trust me, that doesn’t make them feel better (people have already told me that and it did NOT sit well with me).
5. Be there and help them in any way you can. Offering an ear is good but I can say firsthand that almost everyone says that and it is overwhelming.  Anything you can actually do for them will most likely be appreciated.  For example, I heard the podcast hosts (and others) talk about neighbors taking out the trash for them, helping them clean the house, babysit the kids, go shopping for them, and help the kids with homework.  When you offer these kinds of things or something else – be understanding if they say no “thank you.”  They may have reasons that you don’t understand (go back to “don’t judge them!).
6. Don’t ask them when they plan on dating again. If they happen to bring it up in conversation be understanding and. . . (you guessed it), don’t judge them.
7. If you’ve lost a spouse, it’s ok to say you understand some of what they are going through. However, if you’ve lost friends and/or family members do NOT compare.  One person told me that they lost several family members over the years and they understand.  They do NOT understand.  I’ve lost family members and I have lost a spouse.  It is not the same.  Not even close. It’s not a competition.  Don’t make it sound like one.

Here is a networking recommendation of mine that actually fits very well with this topic.  When you are talking to someone who has lost a spouse, remember that you have “two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately (actually, pretend you have more than two ears).”  Listen, listen, listen.  Don’t judge, don’t advise.  Just be a friend and help them in any way you can.  Sometimes the best gift you can give is silence.  Just quietly be in the moment with them.

The Widow We Do Now podcast also has a private Facebook page to support people who have lost a spouse (by the way, men who have lost their spouse are welcome in the private group).   The private group is at : https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowwivesclub.  You’ll need to answer some questions in order to participate on the page.

My thanks to Anita and Mel for doing this podcast.  It has helped me greatly.  Please recommend the podcast to anyone you know who has lost a spouse.

Do you have any suggestions or ideas that you believe have been helpful in a situation like I’ve described?  If so, post it below, I’d live to read it.