Author Archives: Ivan Misner

Everyone wants some degree of success.

We may define success differently, but I have never met anyone who didn’t want to be successful at something important in their life. For some people, success is building a thriving business. For others, it is creating a strong family, making a positive impact, or achieving personal goals. Whatever form it takes, wanting success is perfectly natural.

And that is a good thing because I believe everyone is entitled to pursue success.

However, success itself is not an entitlement.

Over the years, I have met many people who work hard, yet they make poor choices. What is interesting is how many of them believe they should be more successful simply because they have worked hard. On the other hand, I don’t know many successful people who consistently made good choices, and they were not willing to put in the effort necessary to achieve their goals.

The reality is simple: working hard is only the first part of success. Making good choices is the second part. It takes both.

Choices

Throughout my career with BNI, I learned firsthand that decisions matter. The choices I made impacted the employees, franchise owners, Directors, and members around the world.

I remember discussing some particularly difficult decisions with a trusted friend and mentor years ago. I shared my concerns about whether I was making the right calls. He gave me advice that has stayed with me ever since.

“Not every decision you make has to be a good one. Just make sure you make more good ones than bad ones. And when you make a bad one, minimize the impact by fixing it quickly.”

That was powerful advice.

Not every choice has to be perfect; nobody gets it right all the time. However, if you consistently make more good decisions than bad ones, and if you are willing to learn from your mistakes, you will usually move in the right direction.

Some of my biggest lessons in business have come from my losses, not my successes. Looking back, most of those lessons had little to do with luck and a great deal to do with the choices I made and the commitment I had to the project.

Luck

Which brings me to the subject of luck. Years ago, someone I knew commented on the growth of my business and some personal goals I had achieved.

“Man,” he said, “you’re lucky. It must be nice.”

I smiled and replied, “You’re right. I’m lucky. Let me tell you the secret of my luck.”

I explained that I spent ten years in college. During that time, I started several businesses. For decades, I worked long hours building those businesses and serving clients around the world. Along the way, I mortgaged my house more than once to support a business venture and I wrote numerous books.

“If you are willing to put in that kind of effort,” I said, “you can be just as lucky.”

He laughed and said, “Okay, okay, I get it.”  But did he really?

I’m not so sure because his behavior never changed. He continued making the same decisions and expecting different results.

The Journey

For many of the years I spent building my business, I didn’t feel particularly lucky or incredibly successful. It took time, effort, persistence, hard work, and reasonably good decisions before I felt any real measure of success.

The problem is that many people want to go from Point A to Point Z while skipping everything in between. They want the rewards without the struggles, the recognition without the sacrifice, and the results without the journey.

When that doesn’t happen, some begin to believe they “deserve” success simply because they worked hard.

The truth is that success is not a right, a claim, or something that is automatically handed to us because we want it badly enough.

People have the right to pursue success – that is the entitlement.

Success

Success itself is usually earned through hard work, thoughtful choices, persistence, learning, and a willingness to keep moving forward when things don’t go as planned.

Years ago, I tried to teach this lesson to my son, Trey. When he was nine years old, I often asked him to repeat what I called my “mantra of success.”

One day I asked, “Trey, what is the secret to success?”

In a slightly bored sing-song voice, he replied:
“The secret to success without hard work and good choices is still a secret, Dad.
Can I go out and play now?”
Maybe nine years old was a bit young for that lesson… then again, maybe not.

I am convinced that success rarely comes from talent alone or good fortune or being in the right place at the right time. Those things may help, but lasting success comes from consistently combining hard work with good choices over a long period of time.

Success is not an entitlement. It is a pursuit.

And for those willing to do the work, learn from their mistakes, and make better choices tomorrow than they made yesterday, it is a pursuit well worth making.

I would like to hear your thoughts – leave a comment.

One of the biggest misconceptions in business is that the broader your offerings, the more opportunities you will create. Many professionals believe they need to be everything to everyone in order to attract more clients and referrals.

In my experience, the opposite is most often true.

The more clearly you define your expertise, the more valuable you become to your clients, your referral partners, and your network. I have seen this principle work repeatedly. As BNI member, Ben Reebs said in our podcast interview: narrow the field to multiply the yield.

Why Specialists Earn More Referrals

When people understand exactly what you do, they know precisely when to refer you. Clarity creates confidence, and confidence creates referrals.

Generalists often struggle because their referral partners are unsure of the ideal client or situation to watch for. Specialists, on the other hand, become the go-to resource for a specific need.

The result is deeper trust and stronger credibility.

What is interesting is that specialization does not reduce referral opportunities. It creates new ones. As you establish yourself as an expert, you naturally become connected to other specialists whose work complements yours.

Referrals Flow Where Experts Go

Ben shared a great example of this concept. As he became highly specialized in his field, he developed strong relationships with other professionals serving related client needs. Over time, those specialists began referring business to one another because each person understood and trusted the expertise of the others.

This demonstrates an important networking principle: specialists attract specialists.

Think of it like a transportation network. The more clearly defined each destination is, the easier it is for traffic to move efficiently. The same is true with referrals. When professionals clearly communicate what they do and what they do not do, referral pathways become stronger and more reliable.

The highest-quality referrals are often built on trust between experts who recognize and respect one another’s strengths.

The Power of a Power Team

This is where power teams become so powerful within a networking group.

A power team consists of professionals whose services naturally complement one another. A good example of this is the wedding “mafia” – which is a group of networking partners – wedding professionals who frequently work together to serve the same client. Florists, photographers, caterers, event planners, limousine companies, and other specialists create a referral ecosystem that benefits everyone involved. The same principle applies in countless other industries.

When members of networking groups and chapters intentionally build relationships with complementary businesses, they create a Power Team within the networking group. These focused referral partnerships generate momentum because one client opportunity can lead to multiple referrals throughout the power team.

That is the true strength of Givers Gain_®, the principle core value of BNI. Members are not simply referring business to one person. They are helping create opportunities that flow throughout an interconnected network of professionals.

Stay in Your Lane

One of the most important lessons is to resist the temptation to chase every opportunity.

The strongest networkers understand their lane and communicate it consistently. By focusing on their area of expertise, they build trust more quickly and become known for solving specific problems exceptionally well.

Ironically, staying in your lane often expands your opportunities rather than limits them.

As your reputation grows, you become a connector. You recognize complementary specialists, introduce them to one another, and create referral relationships that benefit everyone involved. Those connections often generate even more opportunities throughout the networking group.

The process is remarkably simple:

• Define your specialty.
• Build trust through expertise.
• Connect with complementary professionals.
• Create strong power teams.
• Give referrals intentionally.

When you focus on serving others and connecting with the right people, referrals begin to multiply throughout the network.

The lesson is clear: specialization is not a limitation. It is a competitive advantage.

The tighter your lane, the stronger the trust.
The stronger the trust, the more referrals flow.

And when referrals flow through a community of trusted experts, everyone benefits through the Givers Gain_® philosophy.

A good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately.

Too many people walk into a networking event thinking, Who can I sell to? Who can help me? Who do I need to meet? That approach makes networking feel transactional—and people can sense it.

The best networkers approach the room differently. They are curious. They understand that networking works best when you are interested rather than simply trying to be interesting.

One of the easiest ways to demonstrate genuine interest is by asking good questions—and then actually listening to the answers.

Here are five+ questions that can help turn a casual introduction into a meaningful conversation.

1. “How did you hear about tonight’s event?”

Most people at a business event start with, “What do you do?”

There’s nothing wrong with that question, but if you really want to stand out, don’t start there. Instead, ask, “How did you hear about tonight’s event?” Or, “What brought you here today?”

It’s an easy opening that doesn’t immediately make the conversation about business. Their answer may give you something interesting to discuss before you ever get around to what either of you does for a living.

Then you can ask about what they do? (OK, I slipped an extra question in.)

Remember, the objective is to start a conversation.

2. “Who is your target market?”

Once you know what someone does, this is one of my favorite questions because you are no longer simply learning about their business. You’re beginning to think about how you might help them at some point down the road.

If someone says, “I’m a financial advisor,” that tells you something. But if they say, “I work with business owners who are within ten years of retirement,” now you know who they are looking for.

Great networkers don’t just listen for opportunities for themselves. They listen for opportunities to help others.

3. “What do you love most about what you do?”

I love this question because it changes the energy of the conversation.

Ask someone what they do and you will often get their elevator pitch. Ask what they love about what they do and you’ll often hear a completely different answer.

You’ll hear stories. You’ll discover what motivates them. Often, you’ll see their entire demeanor change because you’ve invited them to talk about something they genuinely enjoy.

Now you’re learning about the person, not just the profession.

4. “Why did you start in this business?”

This question takes you way beyond the business card.

People often have fascinating stories about how they ended up doing what they do. Sometimes it was a lifelong ambition. Sometimes it was an unexpected opportunity, a mentor, a family business—or even a complete accident.

Whatever the answer, you are learning their story. And stories are much easier to remember than job titles.

5. “What is your most popular product or service?”

This question makes their business more concrete. It helps you understand what they actually do for their customers and what those customers value most.

And if you are thinking like a great networker, you’re quietly asking yourself: Who do I know who might need this someday?

The Bonus Question

There is one more question I recommend, but only at the end of the conversation and only if you feel you’ve made a genuine connection:

“What’s the biggest challenge for you and your business right now?”

That is a more personal question. But when you have established rapport, the answer can take the conversation to an entirely different level. You may know someone who can help, you may have experienced something similar, or perhaps the best thing you can do is simply listen.

Networking isn’t about firing off clever questions so you can collect another business card. It is about being genuinely curious about the person standing in front of you.

Don’t worry so much about being the most interesting person in the room. Instead, be the most interested person in the room.

Because contacts may open doors—but relationships create connections.

Networking is a fad. So are oxygen, indoor plumbing, and sliced bread.

All sarcasm aside, networking is anything but a fad. In fact, if there is one business skill that has stood the test of time, it is the ability to build meaningful relationships with other people.

Over the years, I have heard people describe networking as a trend, a craze, or the “latest thing” in business. Yet here we are decades later, and successful businesspeople everywhere continue to rely on referrals and strong professional relationships to grow their business.

In my book Truth or Delusion?, my co-authors and I discuss the importance of referral marketing, networking, and learning how to connect with people in meaningful ways. These concepts are not only helpful in business; they are often the foundation of business success.

One of the biggest misconceptions about networking is that it only happens at networking events. Well, nothing could be further from the truth.

You can network almost anywhere. I have seen business relationships begin at community events, volunteer organizations, sporting events, houses of worship, and even at a child’s play date. The opportunity to build relationships exists wherever people interact with one another.

The key is understanding that networking is NOT about selling to everyone you meet. It is about developing relationships and creating opportunities to help others. When you focus on building trust rather than making a sale, business often follows naturally.

For some people, networking comes easily. For others, it is a skill they learn to develop. Either way, it is important to keep working at it.

We have all heard the phrase, “Practice makes perfect.” Well, I don’t completely agree. I believe that perfect practice makes perfect.

Many years ago, I heard a music teacher say to a student, “Poor practice makes a poor musician.” That lesson stuck with me because it is true in networking as well. If you repeatedly use ineffective networking habits, you will simply become very good at networking the wrong way.

You can spend years attending events, collecting business cards, and talking about yourself. That doesn’t mean you are becoming a better networker. It may simply mean you are becoming more experienced at making the same mistakes.

Perfect practice, on the other hand, reinforces positive habits.

After a networking event, take a few minutes to evaluate your performance.
Ask yourself:

• Did I spend more time listening than talking?
• Did I learn something important about the people I met?
• Did I look for ways to help others?
• Did I make a positive and memorable impression?
•  Who impressed me, and why?

The answers to these questions can help you identify areas for improvement, and reinforce behaviors that lead to stronger relationships.

Most importantly, remember that networking is a two-way street. The best networkers are not focused on what they can get from others. They are focused on what they can contribute. That is how trust is built, credibility is established, and referrals happen.

Networking is certainly not a fad.

It is a fundamental business skill that has been helping people succeed for generations, and I believe it will continue to do so for generations to come.

Related Posts:

The “30” is the final step in The 24/7/30 Follow Up System. My previous three video blogs introduced this process, explained what to do within 24 hours of meeting a new contact, and then what to do 7 days after that.

I invite you to watch this video and learn what to do 30 days after you meet someone new at a networking event.

So, the answer to the frequently asked networking question, “How do you follow up effectively?” is 24/7/30.

When you consistently follow these three steps, in this order, you will be on your way to building meaningful business relationships with the new people you meet.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this and your experience using the 24/7/30 process. Leave a comment below.

If you have seen my two previous video blogs, you know that it is important for business professionals to have a system to effectively follow up with new contacts.

In those videos, I shared my recommendation of The 24/7/30 Follow Up System and explained what the “24” is about.

In this video, you can learn what you need to do within 7 days of meeting someone.

The key takeaways are that you want to connect with them on social media within 7 days – on the social media platform that THEY prefer.
And don’t sell to them!

These small details are crucial parts of the follow up process that can help you turn a new contact into a meaningful business relationship.

My next blog will have the fourth and final video of this 4-part series.

I have seen so many professionals make the mistake of meeting lots of new people at networking events and then not having a system in place to follow up with those new contacts afterward.

This leads to a question I am consistently asked, “What is a good way to follow up?” My answer is The 24/7/30 Follow Up System.

This is the second in a 4-part video blog series to help you learn about this system. My previous blog has a video that is a summary of the system.

In this video, I share what to do within the first 24 hours after meeting someone.

A personal, sincere message that you send within one day is the way to begin building a business relationship with a new contact.
The key to success is you have to do this step consistently.

In my next two blogs, I will share videos about the other parts of the 24/7/30 system.

Most people don’t lose business because they network poorly.
They lose business because they follow up poorly.

If you ever looked at a stack of business cards from an event you went to a month ago and realized you never talked to any of those people again, this 4-part video series is for you.

That’s it – three simple steps. Each step has a very specific purpose, and if skip one of them, you reduce the chances of a new contact becoming a meaningful business relationship.

In my next three blogs, I will share videos about each part of the 24/7/30 system. You can subscribe to have them sent to you.

For decades, I have said that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. You plant seeds, nurture relationships, and watch opportunities grow over time. What is fascinating now is not that this principle has changed, because it hasn’t – rather it is how the environment around networking has evolved.

We are seeing some of the most significant shifts in business networking since the rise of social media. Yet these changes affirm something I have taught throughout my career: relationships, trust, and consistency still win.

Let’s take a closer look at what is happening—and what it means for you.

Networking Is No Longer About Collecting Contacts

One of the biggest changes is the move away from quantity-based networking. For years, many professionals operated under the assumption that more contacts meant more opportunities. That is simply no longer true.

Today, successful networkers are focusing on what I call precision networking—building a smaller number of high-quality relationships that are aligned, strategic, and mutually beneficial.

People are becoming more selective about who they spend time with and more intentional about the conversations they have. This aligns perfectly with the philosophy behind BNI: it is not about how many people you know—it is about how well you know them.

Technology Is Changing the Game—But Not the Rules

Artificial Intelligence is rapidly becoming part of the networking process. Today, AI tools can help capture contact information, organize follow-ups, and even suggest next steps after a meeting. However, let me be very clear: technology changes the game, but it does not change the rules.

AI can help you manage relationships more efficiently – it cannot build trust for you. It cannot replace authenticity. It cannot create credibility. Those things still come from consistent, meaningful interaction.

AI may help you stay organized—but it won’t help you become referable. That still comes down to you.

Follow-Up Has Become the Competitive Advantage

I often say, “The fortune is in the follow-up.” That statement is as accurate as ever. More businesspeople recognize that the real value of networking doesn’t happen at the event—it happens afterward.

With better systems and tools, those who follow up quickly and consistently are dramatically more effective at converting conversations into opportunities.

This is not a new concept. It is now measurable and visible in ways we have never seen before. So, ask yourself: Do you have a system for following up—or are you relying on memory? Or… not doing it at all?

Your Personal Brand Is Your First Introduction

Here is another important shift: networking no longer begins when you meet someone.

People often research you online before ever speaking with you. They look at your social media profiles, your content, and your digital footprint to decide whether they want to continue the conversation.

Your personal brand has become your first impression. And increasingly, it determines whether someone refers you—or doesn’t. At the same time, platforms like LinkedIn are prioritizing meaningful, expertise-driven content over superficial engagement.

This reinforces an important lesson: if you want to be referred, you need to be memorable, credible, and clear about what you do.

Networking Is Now a Hybrid Experience

For years, people debated whether networking should be done online or in-person. That debate is over. The answer is both.

We are now in a hybrid networking environment where digital presence and in-person interaction work together. Someone might meet you at an event, look you up online afterward, and then decide whether to deepen the relationship.

That means every interaction is part of a larger ecosystem—not a standalone moment. The professionals who understand this are building stronger, more consistent connection pipelines.

Events Are Becoming More Meaningful—and More Focused

Another interesting shift is happening in the types of networking events people attend. Large, generic events are giving way to smaller, more targeted gatherings where the emphasis is on relevance and connection.

Rather than simply exchanging business cards, participants are engaging in shared activities, discussions, and collaborative experiences that deepen relationships.

This reinforces what I have long believed: the best networking environments are those where people build trust, not just visibility.

Referrals Still Rule—Now More Than Ever

Despite all the technological advancements, one thing remains remarkably consistent: referrals continue to be one of the most powerful sources of business.

Opportunities are still driven largely by introductions and trusted relationships. In fact, as the business world becomes more complex and information becomes more abundant, trust becomes even more valuable.

And trust is the foundation of referral-based networking. That is why organizations built on structured, relationship-driven systems continue to thrive in any environment.

Networking Has Become a System, Not an Activity

Networking is no longer something you do occasionally. It is something you build intentionally.

It is a system.

• A system for connecting with the right people
• A system for nurturing those relationships
• A system for following up consistently
• A system for staying visible and credible over time

Those who treat networking as a one-time activity will struggle.
Those who treat it as a long-term system will succeed.

The tools have changed. The platforms have evolved. The pace has accelerated.
Yet the fundamentals remain the same: people do business with people they know, like, and trust.

If you focus on building genuine relationships, staying consistent in your follow-up, and positioning yourself as a trusted resource, you will not only adapt to these changes—you will thrive in them.

After all, successful networking has never really been about collecting contacts.

It has always been about building community.

Over the years, I have shared a great deal about the importance of relationships in business and in life. Success rarely comes solely from what you know. More often, it comes from who you surround yourself with and the quality of the relationships you develop.

I spoke with BNI Australia member Bradley Page during a BNI Podcast episode. He introduced me to a concept with a memorable name and a surprisingly powerful message: Two Beers and a Puppy.

That may sound more like the title of a comedy than a lesson on business networking. But behind the humor is a simple framework for evaluating the people in your life and determining who deserves more of your time, energy, and trust.

The concept, originally shared by writer Ross McCammon, revolves around two questions:

1. Would you have a beer with this person?
2. Would you trust this person to take care of your puppy for the weekend?

If beer isn’t your beverage of choice, substitute coffee, tea, or any other drink. The point is not the beverage. The point is whether you genuinely enjoy spending time with the person. The puppy question measures something different: trust.
When you combine those two questions, you get four possible answers.

The Four Categories

The first group is the No and No category.
These are people you neither enjoy spending time with nor trust. They tend to create negativity, drama, or friction. They leave you feeling drained rather than energized. In networking terms, these are often the people who consistently take without giving, complain without contributing, and offer little value to the relationship.

The second group is Yes and No.
You enjoy their company, however, you are not quite ready to trust them. Many relationships begin here. They may be interesting, engaging, and enjoyable to interact with, but trust takes time. This reminds me of the early stages of The VCP Process_®: Visibility, Credibility, and Profitability. Before you can trust someone completely, you need opportunities to observe their consistency and reliability.

The third category is No and Yes.
These may not be your favorite people to spend social time with, yet they are dependable, trustworthy, and responsible. They may not be especially fun, but they make the world a better place. Every organization has people like this. They quietly do what they say they will do and consistently deliver results.

Then there is the final category: Yes and Yes.
These are the people who enrich your life. You enjoy being around them, and you trust them completely. They are often your strongest referral partners, your closest friends, your mentors, and your most valuable collaborators. These are the people you should invest in, spend time with, and actively seek out.

Who’s in Your Room?

As Bradley and I discussed this concept, we connected it to my book, Who’s In Your Room?, which explores the idea that every person in your life influences your thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and ultimately your results. The people around you can either help move you toward your goals or pull you away from them.
The Two Beers and a Puppy framework provides an interesting way to evaluate who is currently occupying space in your room.

Take a look at your contact list. Scroll through your social media accounts. Review the people with whom you regularly interact.
Then ask yourself these two simple questions.
Who would you gladly spend time with?
Who would you trust with something valuable?

You may be surprised at which names immediately rise to the top and which ones don’t.

Engines and Anchors

In Who’s In Your Room?, I talk about two types of influence: engines and anchors.
Engines move you forward. They encourage growth, inspire action, and support your goals. Anchors do the opposite. They hold you back, drain your energy, and often keep you focused on limitations rather than possibilities.

When I think about the Two Beers and a Puppy model, there is a clear connection.
Your Yes and Yes people are usually your engines. They challenge you in positive ways, support your success, and make both your personal and professional life better.
Your No and No people, on the other hand, are often the anchors. They create resistance, negativity, and distraction.

The Real Lesson

The value of this exercise is not in judging people or labeling them. It is in creating awareness and becoming intentional about whom we allow to influence our lives. Every one of us has limited time, energy, and attention. We should spend those resources wisely. The quality of our relationships directly impacts the quality of our lives.

So here is a simple challenge: over the next week, think about the people you interact with regularly and ask yourself two questions:
Would I have a beer with this person?
Would I trust this person to look after my puppy for the weekend?

Your answers may reveal a great deal about who belongs in your room and who is helping you become the person you want to be.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Share in the comments below.

One of the great ironies in business is that many professionals spend enormous amounts of time building their networks, yet they spend very little time evaluating whether they are truly prepared to receive referrals from their network.

People often hesitate to recommend someone—not because they dislike the person, but because they are not confident about how that person presents themselves or communicates their value or represents their business. Referrals are built on trust, and trust begins with credibility.

I have seen thousands of people join networking groups and focus heavily on expanding their connections while overlooking an important question:
“Am I making it easy for others to refer me?”

If you want more referrals, start by taking an honest look at your personal brand and professional image.  I recommend examining these five areas.

1. Clarify Your Message

If seven different people ask what you do, would they hear seven different answers?

Your marketing message should be clear, concise, and consistent. It should also create an emotional connection by helping people understand the problems you solve and the value you bring to others. When your message is memorable, people are more likely to repeat it accurately when referring you to someone they know.

The easier it is to explain what you do and how you help people, the easier it is for others to recommend you.

2. Follow Through on Your Commitments

Consistency builds confidence.

Arrive on time. Promptly return calls, texts, and emails. Deliver what you promise—and whenever possible, deliver it sooner than expected. Put away your phone and give people your full attention when they are speaking. Make it your habit to follow up on commitments you make and referrals you get.

Your reputation is shaped as much by your actions as it is by your words.

3. Present Yourself Professionally

Like it or not, people form impressions quickly. Professional appearance does not necessarily mean expensive clothing. It means presenting yourself in a way that aligns with your profession and demonstrates respect for the people you are meeting.

Whether your industry calls for a uniform, business casual attire, or formal business wear, make sure you look organized, polished, and prepared.

Your appearance sends a message before you ever say a word.

4. Increase Your Self-Awareness

Much of our communication happens without speaking.

Eye contact, facial expressions, posture, and body language all influence how others perceive you. We often have blind spots when it comes to our own habits, which is why feedback can be invaluable.

Ask a trusted colleague, friend, or mentor to observe you during a presentation or at a networking event or have a practice conversation with them. Their insights may reveal strengths you can build upon and behaviors you can improve.

5. Manage Your Online Presence

Your professional reputation exists both offline and online.

Potential clients, referral partners, and prospective employers often look at your social media profiles before making decisions about working with you. You don’t have to eliminate your personality from social platforms; however you should be intentional about what you share.

Use your online presence to educate, inspire, and build relationships. Avoid posts that could damage your professional credibility or distract from the image you want to create. In today’s digital world, your online behavior becomes part of your personal brand.

Referrals Begin with Credibility

Most people want to help others by giving business referrals. The question is whether you are giving them the confidence to do so.

Your business, your message, your appearance, your actions, and your online presence all contribute to your referability. When these elements work together, they create a professional image that inspires trust and makes it easier for others to recommend you.

Remember, we are our biggest advertisement. Your personal brand is one of your most powerful marketing tools. The more intentional you are about how you present yourself, the more likely others will feel comfortable enough to put their reputation on the line by referring business your way.

Throughout my professional career, I have had the privilege of meeting leaders from around the world who have built remarkable businesses, organizations, and communities. One thing that the most effective leaders have in common is that they understand a simple truth: leadership is built on relationships.

In a podcast conversation with Mike Holman, VP of Franchise Operations for BNI UK, we discussed what he calls lasting relational leadership. Mike has been part of BNI for more than 26 years, and his perspective reinforced something I have long believed: the strongest leaders invest in people first.

Mike compared leadership to some of the world’s most enduring structures. Buildings that have stood for centuries are supported by foundations that were carefully constructed long before anyone admired the finished product. The same is true of leadership. If we want our influence to last, we must build strong foundations through meaningful relationships.

Share the WHY to Build Trust

One of the most powerful points Mike shared was the importance of helping people understand why you do what you do. Early in his leadership journey, he found that people were resisting his ideas because they assumed his motivations were self-serving. Everything changed when he stopped talking about strategy and started sharing his personal purpose. By opening up about why he genuinely cared about their success, he created trust and connection.

This reminds me of a lesson I have taught for many years: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Too often, leaders focus on explaining how something should be done before helping people understand why it matters. When people understand your purpose and see that it is genuine, they become far more willing to listen, learn, and grow.

Of course, words alone are not enough.
Leadership requires consistency between what we say and what we do. One of my favorite quotes is, “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
Genuine leadership comes from aligning our actions with our values. People watch our behavior far more closely than they listen to our speeches.

We also talked about the value of developing depth within our relationships. In networking, many people spend their time trying to know everyone. While broad networks are important, truly productive networks require deeper connections with a smaller group of people. As I have often said: If your network is a mile wide and an inch deep, it will never be very powerful.

Whose story are you part of?

I love this question that Mike posed during our discussion:
Whose story are you part of?

While many people focus on who is helping them achieve success, relational leaders ask themselves:
Who can I help?  Whose life can I impact?
Who needs encouragement, support, guidance, or an introduction that could change their future?

One of the key takeaways from our conversation is that organizations, systems, and networks don’t change lives on their own. People change people’s lives.
The greatest opportunities for growth, success, and transformation often come through the relationships we build and the investments we make in others.

If you want to become a successful and impactful relational leader, start by investing in people. Share your story. Learn theirs. Build relationships with depth, not just breadth. Most importantly, look for opportunities to become a positive chapter in someone else’s story.

Leadership is not measured by the number of people who know your name. It is measured by the number of lives you positively influence. That is the kind of leadership that endures.

I would like to hear your thoughts about Relational Leadership. Thank you for leaving a comment.