Don’t Pitch!string(14) "Don’t Pitch!"

March 20, 2023
BNI, Networking, Success

One of the most important things to remember when you are networking is:
Don’t Pitch 

During my recent visit to Necker Island, my friend, Mike Macedonio, and I talked about Networking Up, which is an idea that he came up with a few years back. You need to identify who are the successful people (however you define success) that you want to know, and find a way to network with those people.

Well, Mike and I saw several examples of people doing it wrong; they were trying to pitch a sale or idea to the owner of the island, Richard Branson.

Watch this short video to see more:

 

When you are Networking Up, don’t sell to people! You may think, “I’ll never have another chance.” Well, I guarantee you’ll never have another chance if you pitch anyone, especially the first time you meet them.
Instead, connect with people and find common ground. It changes everything.

Practice EFFECTIVE Networking Skillsstring(36) "Practice EFFECTIVE Networking Skills"

March 2, 2023
BNI, Networking, Networking skills 2

It seems that some people do better than others in life. Is it because they are lucky?
No, I think it’s because the harder you work, the luckier you get. And I believe that perfect practice makes perfect.

A friend of mine once told me about the time she went to a friend’s house for lunch. Her friend was a concert pianist, and after lunch, he said to her, “I hope you don’t mind, but this is my practice time. You are more than welcome to stay and listen if you’d like.” She emphatically replied, “Of course, I would love to.”

People pay big money to watch this man play the piano, and she got a private concert. She told me, “I had this vision that I would be listening to him play scales, or maybe something that was not finished. But while I listened, my gosh, it was incredible! It was so beautiful, Ivan. I sat there while he played, and tears came to my eyes just listening to him practice. After he finished, I said to him, “my goodness, that’s the way you practice?”  I was expecting something completely different, but this was like a concert. He replied, “Practice doesn’t make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect. Every time I practice, I practice as though I’m in concert. That’s the only way I can improve my music.”

This story reminds me that practicing the skills necessary to become a successful networker is important, however, businesspeople can’t expect to become master networkers by simply going through the motions.

Avoid “Lousy” Practice

Having meaningful conversations with potential referral partners at networking events is a necessary skill for business networking success. And yet many professionals attend an event with ONE goal: giving their business cards to as many new contacts as they can meet before it’s over. Or worse yet, they confuse networking with direct selling and use the gathering as a face-to-face cold calling opportunity.

Yes, they could say that they were practicing having “conversations” with new people.

Consider this – I once heard a music teacher tell their students, “Lousy practice makes a lousy musician.” The same is true for business networking. You can practice day in and day out networking the wrong way, and what are the results? You’ll get really good at networking incorrectly and ineffectively. 

Networking Skills to Practice

I offer these suggestions when you’re ready to practice effective networking skills.

  1. Always maintain a positive attitude. This includes the way you present yourself to other people. Everyone likes to do business with an enthusiastic optimist. Avoid complaining and don’t participate in gossip.
  2. Ask questions. When you meet someone new, ask about their business, why they love what they do, who their target market is. Then LISTEN to what they say.
  3. Maintain eye contact. Stay fully engaged in the conversation you’re having with someone. This shows your genuine interest in them.
  4. Help other people. A passion for helping others is an unbeatable complement to a hard and focused business drive. Follow the philosophy of Givers Gain®.
  5. Be trustworthy. Do what you say you are going to do. Every. Time. It is much harder to regain trust after it is lost.
  6. Follow up on referrals. ALL of them. Then update the person who gave it to you. If you don’t follow up on the referrals you get from others, you are losing potential business AND you are also losing the trust of those who referred you.
  7. Thank people. Express your appreciation to those who help you. This sounds so simple and obvious, yet an attitude of gratitude is a crucial networking skill.


All of these skills are part of the main purpose of business networking – long-term relationship building.

Master networkers know that the key to networking success is to build mutually beneficial business relationships with other professionals over time. You can do this by practicing effective networking skills at every opportunity you have to do so.

 

 

 

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The Carbon Almanacstring(18) "The Carbon Almanac"

February 9, 2023
BNI, Game Theory, Networking 2

My friend, well-known author Seth Godin, has come out with a new book called “The Carbon Almanac: It’s Not Too Late”. The section on Game Theory also relates to networking very effectively. I recommend his book. This is an excerpt from the book.

Game Theory

Game theory is the study of how people or organi­zations interact with each other in a situation where there are limited resources, desired outcomes, and a finite amount of time—which precisely describes the challenges of climate. What rules would have to be in place for countries to ‘play a game’ that would lead to a worldwide reduction in emissions? Why wouldn’t wealthy, oil-rich countries cheat by free-riding when others are scaling back?

This is a version of the tragedy of the commons. If no one has an incentive to hold back, won’t everyone graze their livestock until nothing is left?

Game theory tries to solve this challenge. The problem with reciprocity is that the countries that emit the most have the least need for reciprocal behavior by others as they are the wealthiest.

Climate degradation begins when someone dumps waste or burns fuel because it costs less than doing the resilient thing instead. Degradation can be avoided when all neighbors enjoy the same incentives. The three remedies are:

  •                  Rewarding cooperation and reciprocity
  •                  Limiting the temptation to free ride
  •                  Punishing free-riders

If members of a group or different countries work together, systems can be built that lead to mutual rewards. When a marketplace is created where the invisible rules reward people for acting with the long-term in mind, that’s what people and organizations are more likely to do. It turns out that social norms, pricing real costs into the system, and other interventions can change how organizations and countries behave.

Game theory therefore explains why some nations emit and avoid cleaning up—they get the benefits of cheap fuel while others pay for it with a changing climate and pollution.

Social norms have long changed the way organiza­tions behave because they amplify beneficial long-term behaviors. The choices made by consumers and our responses to actions by producers can rewrite the rules that industries play by. Combined with fees and dividends related to carbon emission and capture, this can lead to a ‘game’ that the players win by cleaning up the mess that the last game created.

 

 

 

The book is available on amazon and select online retailers.

More information is available at https://thecarbonalmanac.org/

Welcome to International Networking Week 2023string(45) "Welcome to International Networking Week 2023"

February 6, 2023
, BNI, International Networking Week, Networking

In 2007 I helped BNI® launch an initiative called International Networking Week® which is held during the first week of February every year.

International Networking Week began as a way to help business leaders around the world connect with each other and build their networking skills together. The goal is to recognize the power of networking and celebrate its key role in the development and success of businesses across the world.

It is about creating an awareness relating to the process of networking. Not just any kind of networking, but what I call “relationship networking,” an approach to doing business based on building long-term, successful, and mutually beneficial relationships with people through the networking process.

For the past 38 years, BNI has provided a weekly networking platform for members. The process is effective because people focus on helping others, and they educate fellow members on their own target market each week. There is mutual accountability in chapters, and we use technology to help members track their referrals and the results of their networking efforts. The meeting agenda is consistent in all 10,900+ chapters around the world.

My First BNI Meeting in a Different Language

I will always remember the first time I saw a BNI meeting room where everything was printed in a different language. It was in Sweden. Keep in mind, my native language is English. Swedish is not a language like French, where many people know a little bit of French. It’s not like Spanish, either. I grew up in Southern California, and you can’t grow up there without knowing a little Spanish. The fact is that Swedish is Swedish. You probably don’t understand a single word unless you know the language.

I was listening to the entire BNI chapter meeting in Swedish and one of the members leaned over to me and said in English, “You have no idea what he’s talking about, do you?”  I replied, “Yeah. He is introducing the referral part of the meeting and he’s explaining how the referral works and if you don’t have a referral, you give a testimonial.” The man looked surprised and said, “Wow, you know Swedish!” I said, “No, I wrote the agenda.”

That’s the great thing about BNI. You can go to BNI meetings anywhere in the world, without knowing the local language, and still know exactly what is happening and what’s going on, because the BNI meetings operate very much the same all over the world. I think one of the beautiful things about the organization is that it’s all based on trust and building relationships, and that transcends many cultural differences.

How to Be Part of International Networking Week

Everyone is invited to take part in local and global events happening this week. You can participate in Speed Networking with business people from around the world.

I also invite you to be part of the Referrals for Life® webinar that is open to everyone. I’ll be one of the speakers, talking about the relevance of networking in today’s business landscape. Learn more and register at www.internationalnetworkingweek.com.

If you are a BNI member or part of a networking group, introduce new people to your group. When you bring a visitor to your regular networking meeting or a special event, make sure you introduce them to the rest of the group to help them feel welcome and to meet other attendees.

If you are new to networking and want to visit a BNI chapter, you can do so in-person or online. Go to www.bni.com and click on the Find a Chapter button to locate a meeting in your area.

 

I believe that networking is not only a great way to get business, it is a great way to DO business. International Networking Week celebrates relationship networking which is about creating long-term relationships to build your business.

I’d love to hear about your networking activities this week. Share your experiences in the comment section.

Ten Tips for Success at a Networking Mixerstring(42) "Ten Tips for Success at a Networking Mixer"

January 23, 2023
, BNI, Networking, Success, Tips 8
Some people get nervous about attending a business networking function. They may be uncomfortable meeting new people, or they don’t know where to begin when they walk into the event. Others feel that they just don’t get anything out of their networking efforts. I’ve taken my years of experience and compiled this list of ten tips to help you successfully network your way through your next mixer.

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How to Communicate Effectively When Networkingstring(46) "How to Communicate Effectively When Networking"

January 12, 2023
, BNI, Generalities., Networking, Practice

Effective communication can be challenging. If it were easy, there would be no need for books, training programs, or research on the subject. There would also be far fewer divorces–and wars. And yet, communication is vital in business networking.  Your success in marketing your business and yourself rests mostly on your skills as a communicator. The clearer and more concise you make your message, the more easily it is passed on by your referral partners.

Three Common Ways That People Miscommunicate

  1.  They talk too much.
  2.  They use industry jargon.
  3.  They speak in generalities.

Any one of these mistakes can cause your message to be misheard, lost, or ignored. Even worse, these mistakes can create confusion or misinformation, and may possibly turn people against you, causing greater harm than if you had not tried to communicate at all. 

  1. The easiest way to avoid talking too much is to listen more. Of course you want to be polite and answer questions that people ask you. However, sometimes we get carried away and continue talking about ourselves long after we answered the original question. Be sure that you reciprocate and ask the same, or a similarly relevant, question to them.
    And then…. BE QUIET.
    When you ask someone a question, be respectful and give the courtesy of listening to what they have to say in reply.
    Remember, a master networker has two ears and one mouth, and they use them proportionally.
  2. You must eliminate industry jargon from your vocabulary in a networking situation unless you are speaking with someone in the same line of work as yours. It is best to simplify your message so the average person can relate to what you are saying.
    Here are some examples of possible responses when someone asks, “What do you do for a living?”
    • Rather than saying, “I do IT consulting and system hard drive analysis,” you can say, “I troubleshoot and tune up computers to keep them free of problems.” Most people easily relate to computers that are problem-free, while terms such as  “IT consulting” and “hard drive analysis” can be confusing.
    • Instead of saying, “I’m a marketing consultant,” consider saying, “I help businesses become known in the community.”

Did you notice how the industry jargon is eliminated and then replaced with a benefit statement in these examples? We went from industry-specific, feature-related terms and changed the responses to less-specific, benefit-related terms.

  1. In business networking, it is also important to make sure that you don’t speak in terms that are too general. General requests are hard for people to fulfill because they don’t bring a specific person or situation to their mind.

    If you were to ask a realtor what kind of prospect they want to meet and they say, “Anybody who wants to sell a home,” it is very unlikely that you will immediately think of someone who “wants to sell a home.” If you do know someone who is putting their house on the market, they are probably already working with a real estate agent. However, if the realtor says, “I would like to meet empty-nesters who are looking to downsize,” you immediately think of two or three couples whose last child has moved out. This answer from the realtor is more specific, which helps you think of homeowners who may be starting to consider moving to a smaller house.I know it may seem odd but the more specific you are, the wider the door opens in the listener’s mind. To network your business effectively, think of yourself as a profiler. The more accurately you profile and identify your preferred client, and the more specific your message about your target market, the better the referrals you will receive. Being specific is also very helpful when you ask someone to help you. If you would like a personal introduction to the CEO of the ABC Company, be specific when you ask one of your referral partners to introduce you. “Juan, could you arrange a one-hour lunch meeting for the two of us and Mary Sinclair, the CEO of ABC Company? She’s someone I would really like to meet, and because you know both of us so well, it would be great to have you there.” This request is specific and it gives Juan the details he needs to successfully complete the task and arrange the meeting.

Tips to Help Your Message

A great way to help you get comfortable communicating your simple and specific message is to practice delivering it. 
This is the most-asked question at networking events: “What do you do for a living?” 
This week, practice your response to this question, and time yourself, honing it until you can answer it clearly and concisely in one minute. It is important to keep in mind that the question is what do you do for a living, not how you do it. 

Another good way to craft an effective message is to identify ten jargon words that you have used in networking situations.
I suggest that you make a list with two columns–title the first column “Jargon Words or Phrases” and name the second column “Saying the Same Thing in Layperson’s Terms.”  Then figure out a way to replace the jargon word with one that is easily understood by the average person.

A third thing you can do to practice your message is to write out a referral request before presenting it to the people in your networking group. Make the request specific by using the name, company, and description (profile) of the person you would like to be referred to. Create a clear image of what your fellow members should look for and describe what you want them to do on your behalf. As an experiment, you can show your written request to someone close to you and ask them if it is clear, concise, and specific. Incorporate their feedback before sharing the request at your networking meeting.

 

You have to be specific when you talk about what you do, using easy-to-understand language. Effective communication is imperative to get referrals from your business networking efforts. Your networking partners must understand what you do in a way that helps them identify potential referrals for you and also helps them easily connect those people to you.

Networking Lessons from Naturestring(30) "Networking Lessons from Nature"

November 14, 2022
, , BNI, Networking, Relationships 1

Making Quality Wine

Several years ago, on a visit to one of my favorite Napa Valley wineries, Chateau Montelena, I toured the agricultural side of the operation. The vintner shared the technique the winery uses to ensure the quality of the juice from the grapes year after year after year, regardless of the climate. This technique is known as “dry farming.”

As he explained the benefits of dry farming, I realized there was a business metaphor about how referral marketing works for businesses that understand and implement doing business by referral.

When vineyards are dry farmed, they are not irrigated during the dry season or rainy season. As a result, the roots of the vines must grow deep to get to the year-round underground supply of water, no matter the climate. This reminded me of how we teach businesspeople to develop deep-water relationships with their referral partners so that they can support growth no matter the climate–the economic climate.

Doing business by referral truly is not about getting rich quick. It is about farming rather than hunting. We want to be able to produce a bumper crop of referrals year after year after year regardless of the climate.

The stability of the juice’s quality is the gift of dry farming. Just like the dependability of Chateau Montelena’s wine, deep relationships ensure a dependability in our own business stability that is unavailable to the average businessperson.

Giant Redwood Trees

There is another metaphor from nature that illustrates the strength of doing business by referral–the story of the giant redwood trees in Northern California.

The giant redwoods average a height of 85 meters or 250 feet. It seems that with such an incredible height they would also have a very deep root system. However, they do not. They actually have a fairly shallow root system, much like California eucalyptus trees, which tend to blow over easily in heavy winds. And yet, the giant redwoods do not blow over easily – they stand tall.

You see, the giant redwoods also use an amazing technique to remain upright when those around them fall. They intertwine their roots with the roots of their neighbor, thereby supporting one another when the winds come. When one tree is under the direct pressure of the wind, the others help to hold it in place, not allowing it to succumb to the wind’s destructive forces.

Business networking and relationship marketing put you in a similar position as those giant redwoods. When you learn the intricacies of doing business by referral, you begin to metaphorically intertwine your roots with the roots of those with whom you are networking. When the economic climate pressures one member, the others offer support to help hold them in place!

That’s why networking and relationship marketing are so important, especially during economic challenges. If your network is a mile wide and an inch deep, it’s not powerful. I think these two metaphors really show how you can have your roots go deep and strong through the dry farming concept, and at the same time be interconnected with other businesspeople like the redwoods, both of which provide stability and support while helping one another. These networking lessons from nature show us that building deep relationships is one of the most important components for business success.

 

 

 

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The Difference Between “Can’t Do” and “Won’t Do”string(60) "The Difference Between “Can’t Do” and “Won’t Do”"

October 27, 2022
, , BNI, Can’t do, Networking, won’t do

I often get questions from leaders of business networking groups about what to do with a member who doesn’t participate. The member is not actively engaged, whether it’s that they are not bringing visitors, or passing referrals to others, or helping on the chapter’s mentoring or support team.

Ask the Question

My first suggestion is that the leaders of the group have a conversation with the member and ask this question: “How can we help you?”

It’s very important to begin by asking that question because if you go to a member and start criticizing them for not participating, they just get defensive. Instead, use this very powerful technique: ask how you can help them do XYZ more effectively.
It is powerful because when you ask how you can help them, they will inevitably give you one of two answers. They will give you a can’t do answer or a won’t do answer.

The person will either explain why they are having difficulty with the situation because they don’t know how to address it effectively, or they will answer in a way that illustrates that they don’t really want to do this for some reason or another.

The “Can’t Do” Answer

This story comes from my own experience with a BNI® chapter. The member was a printer who received many referrals from the group, however, he gave very few referrals to other members. We asked him, “How can we help you bring referrals?”

His answer was, “I am really struggling with this. I am having a hard time finding referrals because I don’t usually have much of a conversation with my clients other than the printing job they bring to me. They say, “I need 1000 copies of this flyer next week,” and then they leave. I don’t know if they need a CPA or a florist. I don’t know what is going on in their lives because I don’t have that kind of dialogue with them. I am struggling. I want to bring in referrals. I just don’t know how to do it.”

That is a classic “Can’t Do” answer. They want to help and participate more; they just don’t know how. When someone says they can’t do something, they are open to being coached. It is our responsibility to help those people, to teach them. Remember, we have all been a “can’t do” at some point, especially when we first started networking.

To help that printer, we recommended that he put up a board in his shop with multiple copies of each of his fellow BNI members’ business cards. Customers would pull a business card from the display and ask him, “What do you know about this person? Are they really good?” He replied, “Oh yeah. I see them every week. They’re very good.” The printer became the leading referral giver in his group. He went from a “Can’t Do” to a CAN DO, and he did it well.

The “Won’t Do” Answer

The “Won’t Do” people are a real problem in networking groups. They understand that they are not performing – and they have plenty of excuses about why they aren’t willing to do what needs to be done. When you say to them, “How can we help you bring in more referrals?” they typically say something like, “It’s really difficult for me in my profession to be able to give referrals to the people in the group.” Their excuses include they are busy… it’s too difficult… I’m different… my business is different… They are a “Won’t Do”. They are just not going to do it. It becomes obvious that they are only there to get referrals and they are not willing to give referrals for whatever reason.

My suggestion is that you open the door for them; give them a graceful exit opportunity. It is amazing how many people will remove themselves if you simply say, “It’s okay if you step down if this isn’t for you at this time. It is okay to step out and come back later when it’s more convenient.” You’d be surprised at how many people say, “I probably should step down and leave the group.” Giving them the option to leave in a positive manner allows them to save face.

If they don’t take the opportunity and want to stay because they are getting referrals, the chapter leaders need to sit down with them to explain that for their membership to continue, they must contribute back to the chapter. Whether it is bringing visitors, referrals, or supporting the group in some way, they must participate. You need to help them understand that they have to contribute within the chapter; they need to be a giver, not just a taker. At that point, they still might choose to leave the group, or they may step up and become a contributing member. Either way, it is their choice.

The concept of members being a “Can’t Do” or a “Won’t Do” applies in networking, and it also applies in management and in general business terms.
Some final thoughts:
> stay positive and solutions focused
> support people who really want to be there
> help people move out of the group who are only there to get and not to give

 

Have you experienced something similar in your networking group? Perhaps you were a member who benefited from the chapter’s help and guidance. Share your thoughts in the comments.

 

 

 

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Networking Is About More Than Just Talking Businessstring(51) "Networking Is About More Than Just Talking Business"

October 20, 2022
, , , BNI, GAINS Effectively, GAINS Exchange, Networking, referral relationship

Many people think that networking consists only of talking about business and exchanging cards. That is a misconception, which is definitely part of it. However, it is not all of it.

In a networking group, you want to talk about more than just business with your fellow members. A referral relationship is more than, “I do business, you do business, let’s do business.” A much better approach is to find common ground on a personal level, make connections with other people, then talk about each other’s businesses.

The longer I’ve been involved in networking, the more I’ve seen the power of personal interests in making connections with potential referral partners. Successful networking is about building personal relationships. If you remove the personal part from the equation, you limit the amount of business that can happen.

The GAINS Exchange

Years ago, I developed the GAINS Exchange for BNI® members. The acronym stands for Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Networks, and Skills. The idea is to have people share personal and professional information about themselves in those five areas to find overlapping interests or activities. For instance, if you and I have a common goal of completing a marathon, that gives us something more to talk about. We share both a goal and an interest, which opens the door to an engaging conversation and strengthens our connection.

In one BNI chapter I worked with when I was testing this out, there were two participants who had known each other for more than a year but had never done business with each other and really hadn’t made any connection at all. It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other; their businesses were very different, and they didn’t seem to have anything in common. They did not want to do the GAINS Exchange together. However, once they did, they found that they were both coaches for their sons’ soccer/football teams. They quickly became close friends and started helping each other conduct certain aspects of the soccer practices and shared coaching techniques.

Guess what? Within a few months after they started interacting on a personal level, they started passing business to each other. That’s right – they began referring business to each other. Two guys who had barely spoken to each other for a year because they had so little in common, ended up doing business with each other because they built a relationship over soccer, over football. Who would have thought that? I certainly didn’t, and yet when I saw the results, I knew that this was an essential business technique for people to build their business by referral.

Using GAINS Effectively

I recommend that BNI members use the GAINS Exchange every time they have a One-to-One meeting with fellow members. It is most effective to take turns – I talk about my Interests, both personal and professional, and then YOU talk about your Interests. Then I talk about my Accomplishments, and you tell me about yours, and so on. By doing it back and forth, you each have the opportunity to ask questions that allow you to discover your common interests. This is the foundation for a successful, mutually beneficial business relationship.


During your first One-to-One with another member, you may want to start with Interests first, which are often the beginnings of a relationship.
It’s okay to go out of order, as long as you each get to talk about all five of the GAINS topics.

 

 

Keep in mind that your GAINS Exchange information will need to be updated a few times each year. When one of your Goals becomes an Accomplishment, it needs to be noted. If you learn to speak Spanish, add it to your Skills section. Joining a Rotary Club is another Network on your GAINS profile. The most successful networkers meet with their fellow chapter members more than once, allowing them to find out what’s new.

  • Goals are how we help one another. It’s much easier to give referrals to someone when you know what they are trying to achieve
  • Knowing someone else’s Accomplishments lets you build their credibility.
  • Interests help us find common ground and build rapport.
  • Discovering each other’s different Networks lets us connect one another to diverse professionals.
  • Skills provide more credibility and open doors to doing business.

Business networking really is much more than simply telling someone what you do for work. It’s all about referrals. The goal is to build relationships with people that you know and trust. When you know and trust them, you are going to have the comfort to refer them to others and they will do the same for you.


By talking about more than just business with our potential referral partners, we find common, non-business interests that endear us to the other person. We move beyond salesperson and become a friend.

I’d like to hear from you. How has talking about more than just business helped you build your professional relationships?

 

 

 

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