It Is Not About Who You Know, It’s About How Well You Know Them

There is an old saying in business: “It is not what you know, it’s who you know.”

We have all heard it. Many of us have probably said it. However, after decades of studying, teaching, and practicing business networking, I believe there is something much more important.

It is not what you know or even who you know.
It is how well you know each other that really counts.

Think about the number of people you know. Look through your phone contacts, email address book, LinkedIn connections, and social media accounts. You probably “know” hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people.

Now ask yourself this question: How many of those people really know you? How many trust you enough to recommend you to someone they value?

There is a big difference between having a contact and having a connection.

A contact is someone you have met. You may know what they do, see them occasionally, or even interact with them regularly. A connection is someone with whom you have built credibility and trust. They know more than your name and profession. They understand who you are, what you value, and the kind of person you are in business.

That distinction matters in referral marketing.

When you refer someone, you are putting a little bit of your own reputation on the line.

Your network needs to be broad enough to create opportunities and deep enough to create trust.

Seeing Someone Is Not the Same as Knowing Them

I have met BNI members who tell me they know the people in their chapter very well because they see them every week.

My response is often to ask a few simple questions.

What do they enjoy doing outside of business? What is important to them? What are they trying to accomplish professionally? What challenges are they facing? What kind of new business are they looking for?

It usually becomes clear very quickly that seeing someone regularly does not necessarily mean knowing them.

Simply showing up is not enough. Visibility is important, although meaningful relationships require more than being in the same room together. You have to intentionally deepen the connection.

Create Meaningful Connections

One of the simplest ways to strengthen relationships is to make a personal touchpoint.

Call someone and arrange a one-to-one meeting. It can be in-person or by video. The method is less important than the purpose.

And here is the key: do not make the meeting a sales pitch. The objective is to learn more about the other person. Ask about their business, goals, interests, and current activities. Listen for ways that you might be able to help them.

Reach out to people who have referred business to you in the past, too. Thank them. Ask how things are going. Find out what they need. Referral relationships should never become one-sided transactions.

I also recommend creating a touchpoint list of people with whom you want to maintain stronger relationships. This might include referral partners, previous clients, prospects, colleagues, and people you have recently met through networking organizations, service clubs, chambers of commerce, or professional events.

Stay connected in ways that are appropriate for each relationship. A personal call, social media interaction, thoughtful message, or coffee meeting can help keep the relationship active. Then follow up. The goal is not simply to “touch base.” It is to continue learning about each other.

Go Deep, Not Just Wide With Your Network

Effective networking is not about collecting names. It is about cultivating relationships.

Approach networking with a genuine desire to know people rather than viewing them as pieces on a chessboard that can somehow advance your business. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Look for ways to contribute to their success before thinking about what they can do for you.

That is how credibility grows. That is how trust develops. And that is how a contact gradually becomes a connection.

So, as you look at your network, do not simply ask, “Who do I know?”

Ask the important question: How well do we know each other?

Because when it comes to building a powerful personal and professional network, that is the question is really counts.

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