Mentally relegating these people to your storage space allows you to regain control over areas of your life that they may have controlled. Take those people and memories, put them in a storage box, and put it on a shelf. Don’t let them continue to control your life. The intentionality of saying to yourself, “I’m no longer thinking about you,” can be wonderfully freeing.
We also encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on the experiences and people you are putting in storage and try to learn from them. This thought process will allow you to then circle back to your “Doorman” to make sure no other similar people or experiences will enter your room.
Here are a few examples of people and the experiences related to them that you might box up—and learn from placing in your storage space:
A social group: I thought I’d enjoy joining this book group, but it’s not been a valuable experience. Rather than learning from the experience, all I hear about is small-town gossip during our meetings. I’ll politely quit the group and free up one night a week for someone from whom I can learn.
An employee: I knew when I hired Joe that he would need mentoring, but I’m finding it frustrating to support him when it seems like he doesn’t care. More than that, he’s late to work consistently—a trait that falls into one of my deal-breakers. I’m going to let him go and make sure his replacement values punctuality and demonstrates ambition.
A boss: I’ve been putting up with my boss’s disorganization and rude remarks for three years, and the situation hasn’t improved over time; it’s only gotten worse. I’m going to see if I can switch departments. If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan my exit strategy from the company by researching my options, networking, and applying to new positions.
A grudge: I resent that my ex has turned my children against me by telling them lies. I am going to move on from that resentment and instead take actions regularly to reconnect with my children to show them I care and love them.
Guilt: (This is a big one.) Sometimes I let people in my room out of guilt. Once they are in, I continue to give them attention—out of guilt. Many times I tolerate people’s behavior out of guilt. Guilt does not make for good relationships, and it creates a caustic room. I am not going to feel guilty because of someone else’s “stuff.”
Family-member syndrome: They’re family—what can I do? They may be family, and it’s true I had no choice on whether they are in my room, but I’m not going to let them run amuck in my space any longer.
So all of this sounds good, but how do you transition to putting them on a shelf?
This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.
To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom