Situational Extrovert | Dr. Ivan Misner®

Back in 2009, Elisabeth and I were sitting around the kitchen table talking when I made a comment about being an extrovert. She looked over at me and said, “Uhh, honey, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an introvert”. I smiled and said, “Yeah, sure, I am an extrovert”. She then looked at me quite earnestly and said, “No, really you’re an introvert”. But, I am a public speaker and founder of the world’s largest networking organization.

I cannot be an introvert

Elisabeth insisted that I was an introvert. She proceeded to share with me all the ways that I have introverted tendencies. All the examples she gave were true, but I still couldn’t believe I am an introvert. On the other hand, we were married for over 20 years at that time. She knew me pretty well. Therefore, I found an online test to see where I was on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. The test said that I am an “introvert / situational extrovert”. I was something of a loner who was reserved around strangers but very outgoing in the right context.

This revelation gave me the insight to improve how we network at BNI

As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable meeting new people when networking. However, BNI uses a structured meeting agenda that enables our members to meet new people comfortably either online or in-person. Therefore, I feel more comfortable when meeting new people at a BNI meeting.
As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable introducing myself at networking events. However, I ask the local or national BNI Director to assign a liaison when I visit BNI events. This person walks with me at the event and introduces me to as many people as possible.
As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable circulating the room at networking events. However, I realized that volunteering to be one of my BNI chapter’s visitor hosts allowed me to circulate more comfortably during the meeting. This led to the concept I used many times of “acting like the host, not the guest“. I recommend that article to all my fellow introverts out there who are also uncomfortable networking.

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you can be good at networking. Both have strengths and weaknesses. If you can find ways to enhance your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, anyone can be a great networker.

At a recent Referral Institute conference, I was talking with Tiffanie Kellog and Renia Carsillo, two Referral Institute trainers from Florida, and we were talking about the “Ten Commandments for Working a Networking Mixer.” To our surprise, we each share the same favorite when it comes to the Networking Mixer Commandments yet the reasons why it’s our favorite are quite different.

Tiffanie is an introvert, I’m a situational extrovert, and Renia is an introverted go-getter. However the “Act Like a Host, Not a Guest” Commandment provides unique solutions in making networking more comfortable and natural for all three of these personality types and in this brief video we discuss exactly how.

If you’re interested in learning about the Ten Commandments of Working a Networking Mixer, come back on Monday, October 1st to find out more. In the meantime, let us know what you think of this video. Are you more similar to Tiffanie, Renia, or me when it comes to your personality type? Are you going to try the tactic of acting like a host at your next event? If so, please revisit this page and leave a comment after your event to let us know how it went–we’d love to hear about your experience.