Being Right Doesn’t Matter if Nobody is Listeningstring(51) "Being Right Doesn’t Matter if Nobody is Listening"

October 31, 2022
, , BNI, Franchisees, professionals, salespeople 1

My career has involved working with business professionals and franchisees, teaching them how to coach and guide entrepreneurs, salespeople, and other professionals to generate referrals for themselves and others. I realized early on that entrepreneurs often resist being told what to do and it takes a real skill set to move them in a direction that involves hard work and the effort necessary to help them achieve the results they want.

I found that one of the biggest challenges in this process was not with the actual entrepreneur or salesperson; it was with the individual I was coaching to help them guide the entrepreneur or salesperson. These people had gone through many hours of training, had a fair amount of field experience, and had support manuals loaded with documentation to assist in the process. They were the true experts.  

However, I discovered that sometimes expertise can actually be a problem. Just because your expertise provides you with the knowledge to recognize the solution to a particular challenge, it doesn’t mean other people are going to automatically believe that you know the solution or that they want you to even tell them the solution.
Being right doesn’t matter if people aren’t willing to listen to you.

Being an Expert

So, let’s say you’re an expert. You know you’re an expert and you know you can help someone else. You also know that this “someone else” runs their own business or is an independent sales rep who chose their specific career path for good reason . . . they like the freedom of being independent. 

How do you help move those people in the right direction for greater success?

Years ago, there was a person who worked for my company who visited one of our chapters and was appalled by how badly things were being run by the members of the group. She let them know in no uncertain terms what they were doing wrong and how they needed to turn it around. Her assessment of the situation and the solutions she proposed were spot on, however, her presentation about them was all wrong. She was so blunt with the group’s members that she received an extremely negative reaction and ended up leaving the chapter in an even bigger mess than it was when she first walked in.

When I met with her to talk about how she might have done things differently, she was furious with me for not supporting her because she was right, and the members of the group were wrong. I didn’t argue that she was right–she was. The problem I had was how she handled the situation–in that area, she was completely wrong. I tried to explain this to her, emphasizing the reminder: don’t make things worse than you found them when you were trying to fix them in the first place.

She never really grasped the concept that people may not welcome her advice with enthusiasm and agree with her stance on an issue just because she was right. She didn’t work for me for much longer. Eventually, we did get an expert to work with that group who listened to them and their issues. He built relationships with the group members, and then coached them into achieving the greatness they had within them. It is important to note that this process took time and patience. Listening to them first built the necessary trust and understanding for them to listen to him later.

Two Things to Remember

  1. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

If you want people to listen to you when you are coaching them or re-directing them, they must know that you care about them. They need to believe that you sincerely want them to succeed. If they don’t know this – they will never listen to your advice.

  1. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.

This is a saying on a paper weight that my mother gave to me when I was 14-years old while I was running an uphill battle for a high school student council race. When she gave it to me, she explained that I had to learn how to work “with” people, not “through” people. She said that it is all about collaboration, not manipulation, and she told me that even if I did know the answer to a problem, it did no good if nobody else believed me. 


That advice helped me win the student council election and it has helped me numerous times throughout my life. Sometimes I don’t use it as well as I can – however, when I do use it, things almost always go more smoothly. By the way, that paper weight still sits on my desk to this day.

Yes, expertise is important; systems and processes are important. Equally as important is our understanding that we have to apply them in a way that shows we care.

Successful leaders coach and guide people on the ways to get them where they need to go. Those leaders help others improve their performance by supporting them through training and mentoring. They know that being right doesn’t matter at all if nobody is listening.

Three R's of Networking

The Three R’s of Networkingstring(33) "The Three R’s of Networking"

December 16, 2019
, , , Networking, Referrals, Relationships 4

Do you know the Three R’s of Networking? Remember, networking is not selling. Therefore, these three are slightly different from the Three R’s’ of Selling.  Networking, however, can help you develop a successful word-of-mouth-based business. The Three R’s of Networking are Relationships, Reliability, and Referrals.

Relationships

Word-of-mouth is about “relationship marketing.” If you approach the first year of your involvement in a networking group with the sole motivation of getting to know the other members well, you will be far ahead of the game. One of the most important things I’ve learned over the years is that it is not really what you know or who you know; rather, it’s how well you know them that really counts! People do business with people they know and trust.

In order for word-of-mouth marketing to work for you, you first have to build a strong foundation with the people you hope will refer you to others. That takes time, and the amount of time it takes varies from profession to profession. Obviously, some professions are much more sensitive than others to the development of referrals. So find reasons to meet with each person outside the networking meeting. Get to them, and work on having them get to know you better. Make it clear that you value your relationship with each one of them.

Reliability

For the first year or so in a networking group, you are putting in your time. Your referral partners are testing you, checking you out and making sure that you deserve to have their valuable clients and contacts turned over to you. Therefore, you must be credible to the other professionals with whom you hope to network. Bear in mind that you should feel the same way, too. Before you risk your reputation with your clients by referring them to someone who takes less care of them than you would want to be taken, you must be very sure that the person to whom you refer them is reliable! How else are you going to know that unless you use them personally over a period of time?

Referrals

After cultivating relationships and proving yourself to be reliable, you get referrals as the end result. In order for someone to receive, someone else has to give. This holds so true with referrals. I would suggest you perform a reality check to see just how effectively you are referring to the people in your networking group. You might be surprised to find how little you actually refer others, or that you consistently refer the same two or three people.

If you aren’t tracking your referrals (both given and received), it’s time to start tracking them. Look for patterns. I would anticipate that in the months following a month you were particularly active in referring others, you will find that you are receiving more referrals! I have seen the “what goes around, comes around” principle illustrated over and over in BNI, the networking organization I founded years ago.

This is a natural progression and one that can’t really be rushed. I know it can seem frustrating at times when you are anxious to see your bottom line increase quickly from all the referrals you are anticipating receiving, but believe me, if you are patient and apply these techniques, you will see word-of-mouth marketing work for you in a big way.

5.6 Billion People

Are We Now Connected to 5.6 Billion People Worldwide?string(53) "Are We Now Connected to 5.6 Billion People Worldwide?"

April 22, 2019
, , Ask Ivan, Connections, Global Business, Law of Attraction, Relationships

Here’s an interesting question:

“Hi Ivan – How are you? With BNI at 250,000 members in 70+ countries according to Dunbar we are all 1 degree of social connection from 38 million people, and 2 degrees from 5.6 Billion people (or about 3/4 of the worlds population). Dunbar says 150 people each so 250,000 x 150 x 150 = 5.6 billion people. Is this correct?” 

I received this question in my inbox and it is a very reasonable “Ask Ivan” question.  From a purely mathematical perspective it sounds true.  However, the short answer is, “sorry, no.”

The idea that 5.6 billion people are ALL connected by six people is a myth.

Here’s why.  The Dunbar Number is a sociological equation not a pure mathematical equation.  For example, if you use pure math you must assume that there is no overlap between the 150 people you know and the 150 people I know.  However, we both have many of the same 150 people in our own personal sphere (hence the sociological equation vs. a pure mathematical equation). In addition, don’t forget that Stanley Milgram’s “Six Degrees” is actually a fallacy.  Check out this short video as to why:

https://ivanmisner.com/santa-claus-easter-bunny-six-degrees-separation/

Sorry.  I don’t mean to be a “kill-joy.”  It was a good question.  Maybe the best question I’ve had in a long time.  I like the way you think. I highly recommend for everyone to please continue to send me your questions and I will attempt to answer as many as possible.

Who's In Your Room

Who’s in Your Room?string(25) "Who’s in Your Room?"

October 18, 2018
, , , , Author, Book, Building Relationships, Self Development, Video Blog 9

I’m really excited about the upcoming release of my latest book, “Who’s in Your Room?” in December. It is my 23rd book and I believe it will have the biggest impact on people’s lives than any other book I’ve done. This is the public version of the book and is vastly different than the BNI version.

What if you had to live your life in one room?  Whoever you want to interact with in life is in that room.  There is only one door.  It is a one-way door.  Whoever is in your room, stays in your room forever.  Whoever comes into your room impacts your life directly in many ways.  If you knew that this person would be in your room forever, would you have let that person in your room?

We design the room we live in, along with the people who are in it.  We can do that consciously, or we can do that by happenchance.  The choice is ours.  Understanding this idea now, who are we going to let in our room from this point on?

What do you think about the concept of “Who’s in Your Room?”  Knowing this concept now – what would you do differently in the future?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

To preorder the book, please use this link:

https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

Relationships Are Currencystring(26) "Relationships Are Currency"

September 22, 2016
, Relationships, Video Blog

How many times have you seen an entrepreneur go to an event, meet people, and never talk to them again? Contacts are valuable, and your relationships are currency. Don’t fall into this networking pitfall. When it comes to your contacts, it is how well you know each other that counts, not how many contacts you have.

What is the best way for you to grow and utilize your relationships? Check out my latest video on my Networking for Success YouTube channel by clicking here, or by looking below.

Selecting Your Business Networksstring(32) "Selecting Your Business Networks"

August 4, 2016
, , Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Success, Uncategorized, Video Blog 1

This video is hosted by Entrepreneur.com and can be found on The Networking for Success YouTube Channel.

Networking is the perfect way to help take your business to the next level. But putting your eggs in one basket and depending on one networking group to satisfy all your needs won’t work–and that’s coming from the Founder of the world’s largest referral network.

We all select different people in our lives that satisfy various needs that contribute to our well being; our parents provide comfort and guidance, our close friends provide support and cheer, our business relationships provide trust and honesty. While these satisfactions may overlap from group to group, it’s important to have more than one person you’re leaning on for all your emotional needs.

It’s the same with your networking groups! While you may find cheer and honesty in more than one group, it’s important to spread your interests to gain a varied support system.

When selecting your business networks, you need to understand which types are available so you can make an informed decision. There are five types:

1. Casual Contact: A gathering on people from many different professions, usually in a mixer environment

2. Strong Contact: Usually only allows one person per profession, get together very regularly

3. Community Service Clubs: An opportunity to rub elbows with other very successful people

4. Professional Associations: Trade organizations that are very specific in purpose

5. Online: Social Media such as Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, where networking is constant

To better understand which group fits you best, watch the video below.

 

Premature Solicitor

Why Successful Networking is All About You…Kind Ofstring(56) "Why Successful Networking is All About You…Kind Of"

July 14, 2016
, , , Networking, Networking Tactics, Success, Uncategorized

This is the first in a two part series.

Do you find yourself a networking event, standing alone awkwardly and wondering why you can’t hold a conversation? Do you wonder why others don’t seem interested in talking to you, while those around you are conversing easily and often? You wore the right thing, you have a drink in your hand and clearly you have no one to talk to–so why aren’t people lined around the corner to speak to you?

I hate to be the one to say it, but it has to be said–it might be you. Not the inherent you, not your personality or your reputation; but your body language and behavior can turn a stranger into a referral partner or into just another body in the room. If you want to make this networking thing happen, you have to know–

Are you approachable or alienating?

Here’s how to know if you are APPROACHABLE:

1. Positive Attitude: You smile, laugh and look like you are a pleasant person to talk to. Although this seems ridiculously simple, you’d be surprised how many people don’t realize their frowning or looking bored in conversation. Go look in the mirror and watch how your face changes when you frown and when you smile–you’ll see what a difference it makes!

2. Open Body Language: In the book Networking Like a Pro, I talk about positioning when a person is conversing with others. Instead of talking to someone in a one-on-one conversation, standing closely together with your shoulders facing squarely at one another, make sure your stance allows the room for someone else to approach and join in.

3.Congruence: Conduct yourself as if every person you meet is the host of the event, going above and beyond to make them feel good. Don’t over compliment or lay on the schmooze, but do make a point to encourage others in conversation and seem genuinely interested in them and their business.

 

Next week: Are you alienating?

 

 

 

Resist Coin-Operated Networkingstring(31) "Resist Coin-Operated Networking"

July 4, 2016
, , , , , , Networking, Networking Tactics, Referrals, Uncategorized 4

When networking, do you only talk to those who can give you the most in return? Do you only give your business card to someone who you will bring you a ton of referrals? Do you only give referrals if you know you’ll get them in return?

If this sounds like you, you are doing it all wrong. Networking is not a vending machine. You don’t put in coins into the machine and get a candy bar every time–sometimes, you have to wait for your candy.

This mentality is called “transactional networking,” which is going to get you nowhere quickly in the world of referral networking. The “I will give you this, now you have to give me that,” point of view is only going to leave you sorely disappointed.

Instead, the proper mindset is, “Let me help you. I’ve got some ideas. I have a referral for you.” Over time, they’ll give it back you when the opportunity arises. This mentality is called “relational.” Keeping score or holding a referral back because you haven’t received one in return won’t always work, but thinking about giving before getting and making it the foundation of your business reputation, will.

Let’s take a closer look. If you’re keeping score and have given two referrals, but only received one in return, you might be a little disappointed. But consider the value of those referrals. You can’t simply go by the numbers. Two referrals to a florist are vastly different than two referrals to a real estate agent. By the same token, we don’t think it’s realistic to expect $1,000 worth of referrals from someone just because you passed them referrals of that amount.

By applying the Givers Gain philosophy, you will make your referral relationships relational rather than transactional and find success in this relationship. Let’s say there’s somebody you don’t know well, but you want to know that person better and build a referral relationship. You think this person may be able to help you and you know you can help them. You don’t start a referral relationship by asking them to sign a contract that for every referral you give him, he has to give you one in return! The way to start the process is to give.

I understand the hesitation to give referrals to someone you don’t know well–but giving doesn’t have to start with a referral. It can start with a conversation. If you’re having a conversation with a possible referral partner and they express a problem they may be having, you might say, “You know, I just read a great article on that. I’ll email it to you.” You hand them your business card with your email address on it, they do the same and –voila! A connection is made through giving.

Remember, networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. It’s about cultivating relationships.

Which Networking Style Are You?string(31) "Which Networking Style Are You?"

June 16, 2016
, , , , , Business, Connections, Ivan Misner, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Referrals, Success, Video Blog

This is the fifth and final video in the “Ivanism” Garage to Global series, hosted by Entrepreneur.com. In this series, I expand on common phrases I’ve used throughout my 31 years of referral-based networking.

When you’re at a networking event, do you eagerly bounce around the room, chatting with various people and passing out business cards? Do you tend to seek deep connections by only talking to a few people for longer periods? Everyone has their own way of making connections and networking, and it helps to understand just where you fall in the lineup.

Knowing your networking behavioral style will help you capitalize on your skills–and maybe even identify some flaws to improve upon. Take a look at the video below to find out YOUR style and maybe the next time you’re at an event, you’ll be able to better position yourself for greater success.

 

Ignorance Fire

Is Ignorance on Fire Ever a Good Thing?string(39) "Is Ignorance on Fire Ever a Good Thing?"

May 30, 2016
, , , , , , , , Business, Connections, Ivan Misner, Marketing/Sales, Networking, Networking Tactics, Referrals, Success, Uncategorized, Video Blog

Ignorance on fire

The following video is part of my new “Ivanism” Garage to Global series, hosted by Entrepreneur.com, where I expand on catch phrases I have used frequently over the years.

 

I know, it’s a strange concept: “Ignorance on fire is better than knowledge on ice.”

Most people read that statement and think, someone who’s excited but ignorant can do more harm than good.

I’m here to tell you that the opposite of your intuition is true. That’s right–and you’ll see why below.

 

Premature Solicitor

Giving Your Network a Booststring(27) "Giving Your Network a Boost"

May 19, 2016
, , , , , Business, Connections, Ivan Misner, Networking, Networking Tactics 1

A question from India came to me via Twitter, and I found it to be such a universal topic that I thought I’d share it with you all.

(And BONUS–it was shot in my new home studio!)

 

What happens when your networking group hits a plateau?

https://youtu.be/OA73fq9Sza8

 

Networking with a Purposestring(25) "Networking with a Purpose"

May 12, 2016
, , Connections, Networking 7

This is the most incredible VCP story I’ve ever heard!  It shows how relationship networking is changing lives across the globe.

(For those of you who aren’t familiar with the principle, VCP stands for Visibility, Credibility and Profitability; successful networking is achieved by first being visible in your business community, which will lead to credibility, which will lead to profitability.)

I was recently contacted by one of BNI’s Executive Directors, Susan Goodsell, to tell me about her daughter’s remarkable journey to Zanzibar, Africa. Kelsey, who is 23 years old, is there with GIVE (Growth International Volunteer Excursions) which recruits college students to work on sustainable development projects around the world. Kelsey has been volunteering with the organization for three years, and this year she has been assigned as Education Coordinator and will help her team on projects like school construction and tutoring in English.

GIVE Zanzibar schoolTo give you an idea of what Kelsey and her team are up against, here’s a little background on the culture of Zanzibar. The country is extremely poor and education is positioned against its citizens–even though the national language is Swahili, exams required to continue through school are given in English. If a student does not pass the exam, they can’t continue attending school unless they retake the exam, which costs $500–the yearly income of most families.

One of Kelsey’s primary jobs is to establish trust with the locals in order to encourage them to use GIVE’s tutoring program (this is Kelsey on the right teaching a class). She was asked to integrate with the women in the village, but she found it very challenging as their cultures are so different.

I think the next part of the story would be best told by Susan herself.

“Kelsey was hugely uncomfortable–to the point where she was messaging me on WhatsApp. “They’re older than I am. They only speak Swahili.” (She speaks very basic Swahili.) “And they don’t want anything to do with me.”

I have often said the skills in BNI are not just business skills, but life skills. I went into part Mom mode, part BNI mode.

“VCP,” I told her. “You have no credibility. You need to start with visibility. Tomorrow, simply walk through the village, smile and say “Jambo” to six women. If they have a baby or a child, smile and wave at the child. That’s it. Six women. Then consider you’ve met your goal.”

Day 1, I received a text message. “Mom, no one smiled. Not one person responded to me. And all I got were death ray stares.”

“Okay Kelsey, I get it. That must’ve been awkward. Now do it again tomorrow.”

On the third day, she messaged to say that two women smiled at her. The day after that, two women said hello back. A couple days later, she said, “Mom! SIX women smiled and talked to me first! I didn’t even do anything!”

It only took about a week.

I know VCP is actually a referral process, but it sure did come in handy when my only baby was 10,000 miles away and thinking she was in way over her head and couldn’t so anything to affect change. This is another example of how BNI success stories aren’t always about a business, or even a BNI, success. We bring our members life skills.”

Isn’t that amazing?

I’ve asked Susan to keep us updated as Kelsey continues to work in Africa and use the skills she and her mother have learned through BNI. Make sure to check back in for the future instalments of her incredible journey.

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