Law of Reciprocity | Dr. Ivan Misner®

20May2019

Why Soft Skills Make Strong Networksstring(36) "Why Soft Skills Make Strong Networks"

May 20, 2019

Law of Reciprocity, Soft Skills Givers Gain

I’m not much of a “new-age” guy. Yet, I believe in the immense power of the Law of Reciprocity. This concept touches upon the deep-rooted psychological urge to do something nice for someone who did something nice for you. There is certainly value in soft skills. If you would like to see some evidence as to why those skills work, I can tell you there’s a lot out there to support the Law of Reciprocity, starting with the Nash equilibrium theory (the acronym of which is, ironically, NET).

Nash’s equilibrium theory

Nash’s equilibrium theory basically states that the best result will come when everyone in the group is doing what is best for both themselves and the group — a form of reciprocity. The optimal outcome of a situation is one where no individual has an incentive to deviate from their chosen strategy after considering the other participant’s choices.

Reciprocal altruism

Reciprocal altruism is another form of reciprocity. It involves an equitable balance between collective altruism and personal need. Collective altruism looks at the needs of the group but doesn’t give strong consideration to the needs of the individual. Reciprocal altruism attempts to consider both.

In early writings by Socrates and Alexis de Tocqueville on ethics, the concept of enlightened self-interest was all about reciprocity. Enlightened self-interest is a philosophy which states that people who act to further the interests of others, or interests of the group or groups to which they belong, ultimately serve their own self-interest. In other words, it is possible to do well, by doing good.

Givers Gain®

As I grew my company BNI, I incorporated the use of the term, Givers Gain® from the very beginning. The underlying foundation of this term is predicated on the age-old concept of “what goes around, comes around”. However, it’s more complex than that.

Networking is about relationship building. I have found that the best way to build a relationship with someone quickly is to help them first. If you can help someone — and I’m not talking about selling them your product or service, I mean genuinely help them — by giving them an introduction, information, article, really anything that serves their need, and you will begin a professional relationship with them.

Creating a relationship helps build trust. Trust is the cornerstone of effective networking. When you practice Givers Gain often enough, you will be on the road to building a powerful personal network predicated on trust, built through helping to serve someone else.

This concept, whatever term you choose to use, serves as a bridge between individuals and a community of people for collaboration of all kinds, and it fuels individual and professional growth – not to mention increased referrals and business.

Cooperation

Research has shown that social cooperation is rewarding to our brains. Cooperation increases the frequency of dopamine release within the brain. Interestingly, dopamine decreases without social cooperation. Each of the above strategies are about cooperation and collaboration, and each can increase dopamine production.

Some time ago, I received an email from Amruth, a BNI member in India with a great metaphor for this philosophy. He said words to the effect of: imagine that you have two spoons, a small spoon and a large serving spoon. Which one are we using the most? The small spoon serves only us, but the large spoon allows us to serve others. The more that we all use the large spoon, the more we will all have plenty for the small spoon.

A networking group using the large spoon for everyone creates amazing success for all. In the book Go Giver, co-written by my friend, Bob Burg, the authors say, “Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.”

Call it Nash’s equilibrium, reciprocal altruism, enlightened self-interest, or Givers Gain. I believe that reciprocity is about taking off your bib and putting on your apron. This kind of networking is where individuals enter, and communities emerge.

27Jul2015

3 Tips for Putting the Butterfly Effect of Networking in Motionstring(63) "3 Tips for Putting the Butterfly Effect of Networking in Motion"

July 27, 2015

Ivan Misner

3 Tips, Butterfly Effect, diversity, givers gain, Law of Reciprocity, Networking, Richard Branson Building Relationships, Butterfly Effect of Networking, Connections, Givers Gain, Giving, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Social Capital, Word of Mouth 2

Some years back, I posted a blog detailing how my introduction to Richard Branson was completely the result of the Butterfly Effect of Networking. In thinking about that blog post, it occurred to me that an important part of the reason I was able to make such effective and rewarding networking connections was the way that I thought about, and therefore went about networking. Here’s what I mean by that . . .

While it’s important to know the right things to do while networking, it’s equally important to start thinking the right way to make your networking efforts as successful and dynamic as they can be. This involves altering your mind-set. Here is an up-close look at some elements you’ll want to include in your mind-set to ensure networking success:

The law of reciprocity or Givers Gain® approach.

Don’t approach networking thinking ‘I did this for you, now what are you going to do for me?’ Instead, remember the old adage Give and you shall receive? The law of reciprocity takes the focus off of what you stand to gain from the networking relationship, and in doing so, creates bonds based on trust and friendship. Put it to the test. You’ll be amazed by the outcome.

Diversity in networking.

Look for groups that don’t target people just like you. In this way, you’ll broaden the net you seek to cast for referrals.

Farming mentality.

It’s a long, drawn-out process to go from seeding a field to harvesting the crops and there’s no quick return. But, when you spend time and take care in building relationships, your networking will yield extraordinary results.

Approaching networking with a mentality that focuses on the process of cultivating referrals will create the results you desire. Make an effort to spend more time strengthening your friendships with those whom you wish to have as part of your networking circle and you will certainly make more and better connections.

Do you have any tips for developing a networking-friendly mindset which positions you for success? I’d love to hear from you, so please leave your thoughts, comments, and ideas in the forum below. Thanks!

16Mar2015

Follow the Money Trailstring(22) "Follow the Money Trail"

March 16, 2015

Ivan Misner

Law of Reciprocity, Money Trail Advertising, Business, Collaboration, Conversation, Marketing/Sales, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Referrals, Strategic Planning, Strategy 1

How many businesses would you say you’ve supported over the years by being a loyal customer? Think about it, you could have been solely responsible for the new wing your veterinarian added to her office last year, just from all the money you’ve invested in your pet’s care over the last ten years. For some businesses, not only may you have been a customer–you may also have recommended them to other people. When was the last time those businesses returned the favor and helped your business succeed? There’s a strategy I like to call “following the money trail” which shows you how to leverage the law of reciprocity with the businesses you have financially supported.

Before you read on and get deep into this strategy, go find your checkbooks–both personal and business. I’ll wait . . . There, now that you have your checkbook(s) in front of you, it’s time to follow the money trail. Scan your checkbooks for local businesses that you have paid. You may notice regular expenditures, such as your hair stylist, veterinarian, physician, lawn care service, housecleaning service, dry cleaners, day care, pet resort, or grocery store.

First, let’s put this money trail into perspective. Start by analyzing just how much you have invested in these businesses. Get out a piece of paper and draw a table like the one shown below.

Reviewing these figures will help you realize just how much you’ve invested toward the success of some of your favorite businesses. Staggering, isn’t it? Now, what can you do with this information?

The law of reciprocity states that if I help you, you will, in time, help me in return. I would venture to guess that most of these establishments have never been approached by their customers with a request of reciprocity. What would you say to them? How would they react? Why bother? You might wonder: What could a hairstylist do for me–or for a financial planner–other than style hair?

Seeking reciprocity begins with your willingness to ask the question. Your request needs to be specific and needs to be supported by how much you have invested in their business over the last year or so. Are you willing to approach your favorite businesses and ask them to support your business in some way? If yes, let’s start with the example below and then consider what you could do for your business.

Example: Financial Planner Seeks Reciprocity from Hairstylist

First, the financial planner needs to take the hairstylist–let’s call her Joan–to lunch or coffee and engage her in conversation.

Financial planner: Thank you for joining me for lunch. I wanted to get some time with you away from the salon so I could talk with you about your business–and to ask for some help with my own business. I’ve enjoyed being your client for the last five years, and I’m glad I was able to refer four other people to your salon who have become clients. I wanted to ask if you might be willing to help support my business as well.

Joan: I have very much enjoyed you as a client, and I really do appreciate your referrals. What do you have in mind?

F.P.: As a client, I receive your quarterly newsletter. I see that you often have advertisements from community businesses. Would you give me space in your newsletter for an ad for one year?

J: Sure, but that would cost about $500 for the year.

F.P.: I was hoping that you would give me the space for no charge in return for my past referrals and for being such a loyal customer, even after moving twenty miles away.

J: I see your point. No one has ever asked me to do anything like this before. But it makes sense to me since you are actively supporting my business. The least I could do is give you ad space. Sure. I’d be happy to help you. Is there anything else you’d like me to do?

F.P.: As a matter of fact, there is. Could you leave one of my newsletters in your waiting area for your patrons to read while they wait?

J: Of course–that would be no problem.

In this example, Joan was willing and able to help the financial planner expand her visibility. Most people, once it’s pointed out to them, understand that the law of reciprocity goes both ways. If they seem reluctant to help you, it’s time to reconsider your loyalty. Should you continue to support someone else’s business when he or she flatly refuses to help your business in return?

As a client, you’re giving a lot to someone else’s business. It’s not unreasonable to ask for something that supports your business in return. Now think about your business and the businesses you support. What can you ask of them? Can you contribute to their newsletter? Will they display your pamphlet? Will they post your business announcements? Can you leave a stack of business cards on their coffee table? Will they pass out your business’ coupons to their customers at the register? Will they sponsor your next event?

Make it a point this week to approach at least one establishment for help with promoting your business. After all, when you follow the money you’ve spent on other people’s establishments, isn’t it about time some of it came back around to you? Also, I’d love to hear about your experiences with this so please come back and share your thoughts and experiences in the comment forum below. Thanks!

2Feb2015

Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocitystring(38) "Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity"

February 2, 2015

Ivan Misner

4 Tips, givers gain, Giving, Law of Reciprocity, Networking Building Relationships, Connections, Givers Gain, Giving, Law of Attraction, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Success 3

Photo courtesy of David Castillo Dominici

Put simply, the law of reciprocity in networking means that by providing benefits (including referrals) to others, you will be creating strong networking relationships that will eventually bring benefits (especially referrals) to you, often in a very roundabout way rather than directly from the person you benefit. This makes the law of reciprocity an enormously powerful tool for growing your own business’s size and profitability. Below you will find four very important things to remember as you learn to use the law of reciprocity in your networking efforts.

Tip No. 1–Giving means helping others achieve success. What is your plan to contribute to others? How much time and energy can you spare for this? Do you actively seek out opportunities to help people? You could volunteer to help out with something that’s important to someone in your network, offer advice or support in time of need, or even work hard to connect someone to a valuable contact of yours.

Tip No. 2–The person who helps you will not necessarily be the person you helped. Zig Ziglar says, “If you help enough people get what they want, you will get what you want.” In other words, what goes around comes around. If you focus intently on helping others, you will achieve success in the end.

Tip No. 3–The law of reciprocity can be measured. It is a myth that networking cannot be measured and, in my latest book, Networking Like a Pro, my co-authors and I use the Networking Scorecard Worksheet, part of the Certified Networker Program offered through the Referral Institute, to measure networking. If you apply the law of reciprocity, you will see your weekly total networking score gradually rise.

Tip No. 4–Success takes getting involved. You have to do more than simply be present to be a successful networker. If you join a chamber of commerce, become an ambassador. If you join a BNI chapter, get involved in the leadership team. If you join a civic organization, get on a committee. The law of reciprocity requires giving to the group; it will pay you back many times over.

A master networker understands that, although networking is not the end but simply the means to growing a business, service to your network of contacts must always be uppermost in your networking activities. Once you have established a solid reputation as someone who cares about the success of others, the law of reciprocity will reward you with an abundance of high quality referrals.

31Oct2013

The Law of Reciprocity Works in Mysterious Waysstring(47) "The Law of Reciprocity Works in Mysterious Ways"

October 31, 2013

Ivan Misner

givers gain, Law of Reciprocity, SubmitYourNetworkingStory.com, Trey Misner Book, Givers Gain, Giving, Law of Attraction

The Law of Reciprocity is a part of social capital theory and, in simple terms, it basically states that what you give/put out to the world will come back around to you in equal measure (i.e., ‘what goes around comes around’) and if you help others, you’ll receive help in return.

The interesting thing is that the Law of Reciprocity is not always immediate and the way in which it’s actually working is not always clear cut or easy to see. You may help a person in their time of need and find that your good will toward them comes back to you in the form of good will or help repaid to you from someone completely different. That’s the beauty of it though . . . when you have pure intentions toward others and act positively on those intentions, life (via the Law of Reciprocity) will reward you in surprising ways (And good surprises are much more fascinating and enjoyable than being able to predict exactly how the good you do will come back to you, right?).

In this video, in addition to discussing my general view on the Givers Gain® and the Law of Reciprocity, I share my initial reaction in regard to recently finding out how my son helped a friend in a time of dire need and I talk about how I believe the Law of Reciprocity will no doubt come into play for him as a result.

Do you have a story about how the Law of Reciprocity has affected you? If so, please go to www.SubmitYourNetworkingStory.com and share your story for consideration of inclusion in the upcoming networking book I’m writing with Jack Canfield, and Gautam Ganglani. Also, I’d love for you to briefly summarize your story in the comment forum below as well. Thanks in advance for your participation!

13May2010

Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity: 4 Tipsstring(46) "Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity: 4 Tips"

I posted a blog this past Monday explaining what networkers need to know about the law of reciprocity, and I promised that I’d follow up today with some tips on what to keep in mind as you learn to use the law of reciprocity in your networking efforts. Below you will find four very important things to remember:

Tip No. 4–Success takes getting involved. Contrary to Woody Allen’s assertion that “90 percent of success is just showing up,” you have to do more than simply be present to be a successful networker. If you join a chamber of commerce, become an ambassador. If you join a BNI chapter, get involved in the leadership team. If you join a civic organization, get on a committee. The law of reciprocity requires giving to the group; it will pay you back many times over.

10May2010

What You Need to Know about the Law of Reciprocitystring(50) "What You Need to Know about the Law of Reciprocity"

May 10, 2010

Ivan Misner

getting referrals, givers gain, Giving, giving and receiving, giving referrals, growing business, Law of Reciprocity, reciprocity, relationship networking Connections, Emotional Intelligence, Giving, Networking, Networking Prep, Referrals, Self Development, Social Capital, Word of Mouth 9

The term reciprocity is at the center of relationship networking, but it is often misunderstood. Webster’s dictionary defines reciprocity as “a mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges,” as when actions taken for the benefit of others are returned in kind. This leads many inexperienced networkers to expect an immediate return for any actions they take on behalf of another. Givers gain, right? Wrong.

Not every act of giving will be immediately rewarded by the recipient, and if you go into relationship networking thinking that simply giving a referral is enough to get you a referral in return, you’re confusing a relationship with a transaction. On the contrary, the idea driving Givers Gain® is actually the principle of giving without the expectation of an immediate return. In networking, this idea is called the law of reciprocity ,and the law of reciprocity differs from the standard notion of reciprocity in that the giver cannot, should not and does not expect an immediate return on her investment in another person’s gain. The only thing she can be sure of is that, given enough effort and time, her generosity will be returned by family, friends, colleagues and others–many times over and in many different ways.

I know a lot of experienced networkers who have amazing stories about how the law of reciprocity has proved to them that there’s far more business to be gained by referring business to others than you might at first expect. If you have a story you’d like to share, I’d love to hear it, so leave a comment. Also, be sure to check back on Thursday for some tips on what to keep in mind as your learn to use the law of reciprocity.