Giving | Dr. Ivan Misner®

4Jan2021

Giving is Transformationalstring(26) "Giving is Transformational"

January 4, 2021

The world can be a dark and contentious place. Illness, famine, poverty, hostility, and desperation are all around us. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The world can be a better place. We can make a choice — a choice to be a voice of change, a change that can transform the world we live in. Entrepreneurs are well-positioned to help make that change. Giving is an idea that proclaims we can be something bigger than ourselves. It’s a reaffirmation that our lives have significant meaning and that, through the community, we can be our best selves.

Years ago, I implemented a phrase into the fabric of the core values of my company. That simple, two-word phrase, Givers Gain®, was a game-changer in giving people a different framework relating to the way they network with others. For people who get it, this philosophy unlocks a whole new world of meaning and opportunity. So, our job is to help people “get it”. More importantly, we can be intentional about helping people reach that place.

The Science of Giving

In 2010, Greater Good Magazine wrote that the National Institutes of Health found that when people give to others, “it activates regions of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust, creating a ‘warm glow’ effect. Scientists also believe that altruistic behavior releases endorphins in the brain, producing a positive feeling known as the helper’s high”.

Researchers at the University of California at Berkley found that people who volunteered to multiple organizations were “44 percent less likely to die over a five-year period than were non-volunteers”, and John Cacioppo, author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, says, “the more extensive the reciprocal altruism born of social connection …the greater the advance toward health, wealth, and happiness”.

The Philosophy of Giving

There is a profound ripple effect that takes place through the act of consciously practicing a giving philosophy. I have seen the dramatic impact one person can have on another. I’ve observed the surging ripple that takes place as an act impacts one person and the next person and the next person, and so on. Within a community or a network, the ripple effect that takes place from this philosophy can influence hundreds or thousands of people. In fact, I believe it can influence the world. Giving is contagious. Conscious giving can be infinite.

There is a saying:

“If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
― Chinese Proverb

For centuries, the greatest thinkers have suggested the same thing: Happiness is found in giving. The results of this philosophy cannot be observed as a straight line in life. It is a complex zigzag of interconnected relationships that lead to a place of contentment and fulfillment, and it begins with the right mindset. It’s about taking off your bib and putting on an apron. It’s not about what’s in it for you, or how much can you get. Giving is about serving and helping others in a very conscious way. Not doing so in a way that ignores the fact that there are takers in the world, but in a way that consciously chooses to find your fellow givers in the world. It’s easy to be cynical and think that the help you can offer is negligible, but it only takes a small gesture to change someone’s life.

The Story of Giving

We’ve all had people who are in “our story”. They are the people we talk about who have changed our lives in some way. However, there is something even more important: The real question is not who’s in our story but whose story are we in? Whose life have we made a difference in? This is what creates a meaningful life. It’s about being a role model for the people around you.

We often look at the world and hope that someday things will be different. But as my friend and author Sam Horn says, “Someday is not a day of the week”. If we wait for someday, we are waiting for others to make the first move.

“Someday” can be today and it can start with us. Today is as good a day as any to be our “someday”. We can all make a difference starting today. And that difference starts with a transformational change within us in how we deal with the people around us and the world beyond them. We would be giving without a transactional expectation and giving to people in all parts of our life appropriately. We would understand that we give what we can afford and that it’s OK to gain in such a society — a humble society is where saying “thank you” is the norm.

Start small but start today. Begin local but think global. Therefore, when you influence one life, you will begin to influence the world. Just start with the person next to you and know that: “You may not make a world of difference, but you can make a difference in the world”.

2Feb2015

Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocitystring(38) "Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity"

February 2, 2015

Ivan Misner

4 Tips, givers gain, Giving, Law of Reciprocity, Networking Building Relationships, Connections, Givers Gain, Giving, Law of Attraction, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Success 3

Photo courtesy of David Castillo Dominici

Put simply, the law of reciprocity in networking means that by providing benefits (including referrals) to others, you will be creating strong networking relationships that will eventually bring benefits (especially referrals) to you, often in a very roundabout way rather than directly from the person you benefit. This makes the law of reciprocity an enormously powerful tool for growing your own business’s size and profitability. Below you will find four very important things to remember as you learn to use the law of reciprocity in your networking efforts.

Tip No. 1–Giving means helping others achieve success. What is your plan to contribute to others? How much time and energy can you spare for this? Do you actively seek out opportunities to help people? You could volunteer to help out with something that’s important to someone in your network, offer advice or support in time of need, or even work hard to connect someone to a valuable contact of yours.

Tip No. 2–The person who helps you will not necessarily be the person you helped. Zig Ziglar says, “If you help enough people get what they want, you will get what you want.” In other words, what goes around comes around. If you focus intently on helping others, you will achieve success in the end.

Tip No. 3–The law of reciprocity can be measured. It is a myth that networking cannot be measured and, in my latest book, Networking Like a Pro, my co-authors and I use the Networking Scorecard Worksheet, part of the Certified Networker Program offered through the Referral Institute, to measure networking. If you apply the law of reciprocity, you will see your weekly total networking score gradually rise.

Tip No. 4–Success takes getting involved. You have to do more than simply be present to be a successful networker. If you join a chamber of commerce, become an ambassador. If you join a BNI chapter, get involved in the leadership team. If you join a civic organization, get on a committee. The law of reciprocity requires giving to the group; it will pay you back many times over.

A master networker understands that, although networking is not the end but simply the means to growing a business, service to your network of contacts must always be uppermost in your networking activities. Once you have established a solid reputation as someone who cares about the success of others, the law of reciprocity will reward you with an abundance of high quality referrals.

14Aug2014

Do You Have Excessive Helper Genes?string(35) "Do You Have Excessive Helper Genes?"

August 14, 2014

Ivan Misner

BNI Australia, Excessive Helper Genes, Frederick Marcoux, Giving, helping others, Networking BNI, Building Relationships, Credibility, Giving, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Video Blog

I recently met with several members of my company’s Executive Management Team in Croatia and it was there that I had the opportunity to film this quick video with Frederick Marcoux, a good friend of mine who is also the National Director for BNI in Australia.

Frederick has an interesting concept that he likes to call “Excessive Helper Genes” and in this video, he talks about why this concept is at the very core of networking. Frederick explains that having Excessive Helper Genes is a key trait in those who excel at networking because they are constantly building trust and goodwill with those in their network.

I really like this concept because networking at its center is built around helping others; if we maintain a focus on helping, we can network absolutely anywhere at any time.

So, do you have Excessive Helper Genes? . . . Do your Excessive Helper Genes perhaps need a boost? What can you do this week to strengthen your focus on helping others? Please share your thoughts in the comment forum below. Thanks!

24Feb2011

Generate More Business by Offering Value-added Advicestring(53) "Generate More Business by Offering Value-added Advice"

It’s no secret that we all want to do business with people whom we know and trust. So, how do you build rapport and create trust with new contacts at networking events? By offering value-added advice–solid, helpful information provided out of a genuine concern for another person.

Let’s say you’re a real estate agent talking with someone at a networking event who, although not ready to buy a home today, is heading in that direction. You could say something like this:

Well, I know you’re not interested in buying a home right now. But, when you’re ready to start looking, I highly recommend checking out the north part of town. A lot of my clients are seeing their homes appreciate in the 10 to 20 percent range, and from what I understand, the city is thinking about building another middle school in that area.

See how it’s possible to offer some value-added advice without being too salesy? A statement like this acknowledges that your prospect is not currently in the market (first sentence) but still demonstrates your expertise, so he will remember you when he’s ready to move.

This model works for consultants, CPAs, accountants, financial planners, coaches–just about anyone in a service-based industry in which knowledge is the main product. If you’re concerned about giving away your intellectual capital for free, look at it this way: few people are going to sign up to do business with you if they’re not sure you can do the job. In the absence of a tangible product, you have nothing but your technical expertise to demonstrate that you have the goods. And when you think about it, that makes sense. Whenever you’re ready to buy an automobile, it doesn’t matter how much research you’ve done on a particular model, you’re probably not going to write your check until you’ve taken the car for a test drive.

The same is true for your prospects. Give them a little test drive to show how it would feel to do business with you. If you’re a marketing consultant, give them a couple of ideas on how they can increase the exposure of their business. Don’t go overboard; maybe offer a technique you read in a magazine or tried with one of your clients. Just give them something they can try on to see if it works.

Not only will this open up a good conversation with new contacts while you’re out networking, if you play your cards right, whom do you think they’ll go to when they’re in need of your kind of service? 🙂 When it comes to building rapport and creating trust, nothing does it better than offering value-added advice.

9Sep2010

Success Is Not an Entitlementstring(29) "Success Is Not an Entitlement"

September 9, 2010

Ivan Misner

Giving, goals, Networking, relationships Author, Book, Business, Ivan Misner, Philanthropy, Rant!, Social Media, Success 25

Yesterday, I received a rather disturbing email message from someone berating me for sharing what he felt were some aspects of my success via my FaceBook Fan page (mostly relating to discussions about my business travel and corporate meetings I did from my lake home over the summer). I have to say it brought me down a bit so I went to my library and picked up a book I wrote about 7 years ago called Masters of Success. I read a piece in it that I wrote called “Success is Not an Entitlement” which I hoped would re-focus my mindset after receiving this vitriolic piece of email.

I’d like to share an excerpt from it with you here today in my blog. I’ve updated some of the material in brackets. The excerpt at the end about “being lucky” goes out to my email critic. I hope everyone (including my critic) can see some value in this message.

Everyone wants some degree of success. We might want it in different forms, but I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to be successful at something important. This is good. I believe everyone is entitled to pursue success.

But success itself is not an entitlement.

Not long ago I was talking to someone I’ve known for years about my personal success, the growth of my business, and some other personal goals I’ve recently met. He said, “Man, you’re lucky! It must be nice.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky,” I responded. “Let me tell you the secret of my luck. First, I went to college for ten years. During that time, I started several businesses, and for the next [twenty five years] I worked really, really long hours. Along the way, I mortgaged my house a couple of times for one of the business and I wrote [twelve] books. If you apply that kind of effort to whatever you do, you too, can be just as lucky.”

He laughed and said, “Okay! Okay! I get it!”

Did he really get it? I don’t think so, because he hasn’t changed his behavior or started making different choices.

For about twenty of my twenty five years of hard work, I didn’t feel very lucky or incredibly successful. It took time, effort, hard work, and decent choices before I felt a modicum of success. The problem is that many people want to go from point A to point Z and bypass all the challenges in between. They work hard, so they “deserve” the success they want. And they tend to resent the success that other people have!!!

Success is not an entitlement. It’s not a right or a claim that we should have. Yes, people have the right to pursue success, but that’s it. Success is most often earned, not handed over because you are entitled. If being successful were that easy, everyone would have the success he thinks he deserves. I think I was in my thirties before I truly understood and internalized that idea.

I’ve been trying to instill this wisdom in my nine-year-old son [now 17] by teaching him my “mantra of success.” [Years ago] I asked him, “Trey, what’s the secret to success?” He said, in a young boy’s slightly bored singsong tone: “The secret to success without hard work and good choices is still a secret, Dad. Can I go out and play now?”

OK, maybe nine was a little young to start the training. But maybe not.

————————–

True success is the result of hard work, period. I love my business, I love helping people, and I’ve achieved a level of success doing both. I am very grateful for my success and proud to have achieved it in a way that benefits others and helps them grow their businesses as well. I am also very blessed to be able to open my home and a large part of my life to the people from my companies, and to give back to the world through the BNI-Misner Foundation.

From time to time, I share comments about these things on my social media sites and true friends are most welcome to share in the positive conversation about these things. If it troubles anyone to read about these things, however, I certainly won’t be offended if they unfriend me.

23Aug2010

Being ‘in Sync’ With Your Networking Partnersstring(57) "Being ‘in Sync’ With Your Networking Partners"

August 23, 2010

Ivan Misner

Building Relationships, business networking, Collaboration, Giving, Networking Building Relationships, Collaboration, Connections 7

My wife, Beth, and I were in South Africa recently on safari at Camp Jabulani in the Kapama Reserve. Camp Jabulani has a beautiful suspension bridge between the main lodge and the guest suites. If you’ve ever walked over a suspension bridge, you know the feeling of the springiness under your feet as you walk. It was almost like wearing those Moon Boots I got for Christmas as a boy!

As we made our way over the suspension bridge, we noticed pretty quickly that when we did not walk in sync, the bridge’s flexing and bending jarred both of us as we tried to walk across. When we walked in sync, it was much easier to walk in a way that didn’t make us look like drunken sailors!

This started me thinking about networking relationships and the importance of being in sync with our referral and networking partners.

When I think about walking in sync with other businesspeople, I think of collaboration, cooperation, and maintaining a focus on how we can help each other (what I call Givers Gain). These three elements are critical for successful relationship marketing.

In order to build the kinds of mutually beneficial relationships you desire, it’s important to keep in mind what I call the proximity effect–networking is a contact sport. You must stay in contact with each other in order to benefit from a collaborative relationship. Profiting from a business relationship without staying in contact with one another is like getting a haircut over the phone—I have never seen that done!

Staying in touch can include holding one-on-one meetings with each other to learn more about each other’s business and referral needs, and to ask, “How can I help you?” Having a Givers Gain focus is the most effective way of supporting your referral partners.

We all need to make a commitment to maintain a focus on how we can help each other in business. This is a new thought pattern for most business owners. We aren’t schooled or trained in thinking “How can I help you?” when it comes to those with whom we are in a particular business community. More often than not, we think, “What can I get out of this relationship?” If you do business with a Givers Gain mentality, you will turn that thought pattern on its head.

Relationship networking is a good way to get business; it’s an even better way to do business. As you walk in this rhythm, you will find others getting in step with you, and everyone will do better business as a result.

13May2010

Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity: 4 Tipsstring(46) "Learning to Use the Law of Reciprocity: 4 Tips"

I posted a blog this past Monday explaining what networkers need to know about the law of reciprocity, and I promised that I’d follow up today with some tips on what to keep in mind as you learn to use the law of reciprocity in your networking efforts. Below you will find four very important things to remember:

Tip No. 4–Success takes getting involved. Contrary to Woody Allen’s assertion that “90 percent of success is just showing up,” you have to do more than simply be present to be a successful networker. If you join a chamber of commerce, become an ambassador. If you join a BNI chapter, get involved in the leadership team. If you join a civic organization, get on a committee. The law of reciprocity requires giving to the group; it will pay you back many times over.

10May2010

What You Need to Know about the Law of Reciprocitystring(50) "What You Need to Know about the Law of Reciprocity"

May 10, 2010

Ivan Misner

getting referrals, givers gain, Giving, giving and receiving, giving referrals, growing business, Law of Reciprocity, reciprocity, relationship networking Connections, Emotional Intelligence, Giving, Networking, Networking Prep, Referrals, Self Development, Social Capital, Word of Mouth 9

The term reciprocity is at the center of relationship networking, but it is often misunderstood. Webster’s dictionary defines reciprocity as “a mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges,” as when actions taken for the benefit of others are returned in kind. This leads many inexperienced networkers to expect an immediate return for any actions they take on behalf of another. Givers gain, right? Wrong.

Not every act of giving will be immediately rewarded by the recipient, and if you go into relationship networking thinking that simply giving a referral is enough to get you a referral in return, you’re confusing a relationship with a transaction. On the contrary, the idea driving Givers Gain® is actually the principle of giving without the expectation of an immediate return. In networking, this idea is called the law of reciprocity ,and the law of reciprocity differs from the standard notion of reciprocity in that the giver cannot, should not and does not expect an immediate return on her investment in another person’s gain. The only thing she can be sure of is that, given enough effort and time, her generosity will be returned by family, friends, colleagues and others–many times over and in many different ways.

I know a lot of experienced networkers who have amazing stories about how the law of reciprocity has proved to them that there’s far more business to be gained by referring business to others than you might at first expect. If you have a story you’d like to share, I’d love to hear it, so leave a comment. Also, be sure to check back on Thursday for some tips on what to keep in mind as your learn to use the law of reciprocity.

11Mar2010

The No. 1 Question to Ask as a Networker–‘How Can I Help?’string(76) "The No. 1 Question to Ask as a Networker–‘How Can I Help?’"

March 11, 2010

Ivan Misner

Giving, helping, Networking, networking questions Giving, Networking, Networking Prep, Social Capital 3

No matter who you are or what part of the world you live in, Givers Gain is the No. 1 rule to remember when networking. You should always be thinking, “How can I help this person?” After all, networking is about building relationships; and helping others is the absolute best way to begin the relationship-building process. Put simply, helping equals opportunity.

At a social event, you usually ask somebody, “How’s it going?” What’s the typical reply? Probably something like, “Great; things couldn’t be better.” That’s a canned response that people give because they want to be polite and because they know nobody really wants to hear their troubles. But it’s not usually the whole truth.

Things can always be better–that is, there are surely ways you can help–but most people aren’t inclined to go into detail or let others know what’s going on, especially at social events. The best way to find out is to avoid generalities like, “How are things?” Ask more specific questions.

For example, if somebody tells you that things are going great, their company is expanding, and business is better than they expected, ask a specific question like, “Are you hitting all of your goals?” Even if they say yes, this is still a big opportunity to help. Think about it: A company that is expanding faster than the owner had projected. What kind of help might it need? You may be able to make some introductions that this individual would be very grateful for, but you can only figure out what introductions to make after getting past the generalities and finding out a person’s specific needs.

Many consider networking just another way to get clients, but when you think in terms of building relationships, a chance to help is a big opportunity. That help can be provided in many forms, each as valuable as the next.