Bad Networking

Bad Networking Costs More Than $100,000 per Yearstring(48) "Bad Networking Costs More Than $100,000 per Year"

October 21, 2019
Author, Blogs, Networking, Networking Tactics

Today’s blog comes from a “Home Business Magazine Online” article I was quoted in, Bad Networking Costs More Than $100,000 Per Year. Here’s How to Do It Right by Dustin Siggins.

HOME BUSINESS Magazine ONLINE is loaded with content to help you start-up and succeed in a home-based business. HBM ONLINE is an advanced community for home-based entrepreneurs and business owners; people who work from home; and telecommuters. Therefore, check back often, as the content is loaded daily.

Dustin spoke with several experts about how small business owners can turn networking into company growth.  Furthermore, this article also has advice from Jon Rutenberg, Keith Ferrazzi, Becky Sheetz-Runkle, Todd Rowley, and Chuck Feddersen. I was honored to be included in this article. Below is my segment:

Be Patient

Ivan Misner, Ph.D. founded Business Networking International, which has over 250,000 members worldwide. Misner said that “people tend to use networking as a face-to-face cold-calling opportunity. That does not work. Networking is more about farming than it is about hunting.”

Misner explained that referral and network-based strategies are “about building deep relationships with people who are willing to refer to each other. If your network is a mile wide and an inch deep, you’ll never achieve the success you want. You should find a network that is wide and, in some places, deep.”

What is popular is not always right. For small business owners, networking is very popular, but it is often done wrong. Bad networking costs a minimum of $100,000 annually.

alienating

Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?string(43) "Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?"

November 29, 2018
, , Behavioral Style, Characteristics, Networking 2

Behavior is key when networking-it makes or breaks the connections, and ultimately, the relationships you build. I’ve spoken before about the differences between approachable or alienating behavior, but I want to take a deeper look into what qualifies behavior as alienating. You may watch this video and suddenly realize that the little nuances you may have passed off as nothing, are actually keeping you from successfully networking.

Here are four ways you may be alienating others when networking:

1. Negative Attitude: Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough without having to lament about it all the time. If you’re always complaining or focusing on the negative aspects of life, you’re going to turn people off.

2. Closed Off Body Language: There’s a great graphic in the video that will show you what closed off body language looks like, but basically it means standing in a way that only allows for a conversation to happen between two or three people. If you have a bored or scowled look on your face, people won’t want to approach you. Finally, do not cross your arms.

3. Incongruence: Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t talk a big talk and not back it up. This will lead people to become skeptical of your dependability-which is bad if you’re looking to gain trusted referral partners.

4. Not Acting Interested in People: Be interested more than interesting.  A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately.

If you’re still not sure you’re exhibiting these behaviors

Take a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next event and ask them to notice if you act in any of the above ways; you can do the same for them. Have an honest conversation afterward about what you both noticed and work out ways to improve your behavior. At the next event, try and be aware of yourself and the reactions you get when you change your behavior.

Are you approachable when it comes to mingling at networking events? You may not know that you are the one getting in your own way when it comes to meeting new people and kindling business relationships. But how can you really tell if you are approachable or alienating? Bring a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next networking event and observe each other’s body language, the tone of voice and words. Afterward, exchange constructive feedback with the intent of helping each other become better referral partners.

Desperate Networkers

4 Desperate Networkersstring(22) "4 Desperate Networkers"

November 15, 2018
, , , , , Behavioral Style, Behavioral Styles, desperate networker behaviors, Networking Tactics 10

Desperation is not referable. When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. Here are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

Click here to watch this video

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years. The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table. They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them). To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game. The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think). Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope. Not true. In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel). So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space? The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in. In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event. From my experience that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world. What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.” According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

The Premature Solicitor

This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling. They meet you and immediately go into sales mode. They want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. To this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign. These people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events. They go to meetings and feel slimmed by people soliciting them for business. They leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important. But be a professional – not a stalker. The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores. I’ve experienced this many times over my career. The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago. I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc. But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug. I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time. Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Desperation is not referable. Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate these behaviors yourself. Remember that networking is more about farming, than it is about hunting.

Desperate Networkers

Four Desperate Networkersstring(25) "Four Desperate Networkers"

January 18, 2018
, , , , , Behavioral Styles, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics

Desperation is not referable. When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. Here are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

Click here to watch this video

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years. The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table. They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them). To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game. The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think). Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope. Not true. In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel). So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space? The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in. In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event. From my experience that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world. What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.” According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

The Premature Solicitor

This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling. They meet you and immediately go into sales mode. They want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. To this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign. These people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events. They go to meetings and feel slimmed by people soliciting them for business. They leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important. But be a professional – not a stalker. The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores. I’ve experienced this many times over my career. The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago. I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc. But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug. I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time. Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Desperation is not referable. Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate these behaviors yourself. Remember that networking is more about farming, than it is about hunting.

"Networking Don'ts"

Networking Don’tsstring(19) "Networking Don’ts"

October 23, 2017
, , desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics

Over the years I have shared lots of advice on how to grow your business by building relationships. During my last “Ask Ivan” Facebook Live event, I shared many of my recommendation on what to “do”. Now, I want to share four common “Networking Don’ts” mistakes to avoid when you’re networking if you’re looking to grow your business.

Don’t sell or pitch to them!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met someone for the first time and they start “selling to me.” I’ve seen the same thing when I’ve been with other business people far more successful than me. Don’t do it! The old adage – “it never hurts to ask, right” is completely wrong when you are networking up with someone for the first time. A lot of people do it – don’t be one of the crowd.

Don’t complain to them.

I know, that sounds obvious, but I’ve been both the victim of it and I’ve seen it. I was standing with an incredibly successful businessman some time ago when he was meeting people in a crowd when someone he just met went on a rant about some problem with the man’s company. He stood out and was quietly escorted out. You want to be remembered, but not for that.

Don’t be a sycophant.

There are plenty of people to flatter them, so don’t “puppy-dog lick them” to death. Successful people are, however, still people, and they appreciate knowing their work makes a difference. I have found that if I share a specific story about how their work or business has really helped someone in some way, they truly appreciate the comment. That way the conversation is not all about me, and at the same time, it acknowledges them for the work they’ve done.

Don’t assume they remember you next time.

If you meet them or connect with them again, never, ever, assume they remember you. Always help them out by giving them context on how you know each other or met. Really successful people tend to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Giving them context helps them jog their memory. If you meet them in person, give them a reminder of where you met. For example, when I am networking up with an email communication, I’ll send a copy of a photo of the two of us from the event where we met. That always jogs their memory.

Finally, remember that networking can become your most powerful tool, but only if you approach it properly. Networking should be effective for most businesses. If it has not worked for you, then maybe you are following some of the “Don’ts” I listed above.

Desperation

Desperation is Not Referablestring(28) "Desperation is Not Referable"

August 21, 2017
, , , , , Behavioral Style, Behavioral Styles, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. Please check out these links below that describe each of these four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit.

Click on these links to find out more about each:

Are You a Desperate Networker?

Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate any of these behaviors yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Generally, these people are not actually trying to help you — they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores.

Photo Attribution

New Best Friend

The New Best Friendstring(19) "The New Best Friend"

August 14, 2017
, , Behavioral Style, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics, Uncategorized 4

Desperation is not referable.

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The New Best Friend” is the final of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I shared during the past weeks.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important.  But be a professional – not a stalker.  The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you.  Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you.  It’s about what they want from you.   Desperation seeps from their pores.  I’ve experienced this many times over my career.  The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago.  I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc.  But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug.  I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time.  Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events, Whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The New Best Friend” behavior yourself.  Furthermore, remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog posts during the past weeks as I described each of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

Premature Solicitor

The Premature Solicitorstring(23) "The Premature Solicitor"

August 7, 2017
, , Behavioral Style, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics 2

Desperation is not referable

 When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Premature Solicitor” is the third of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing each week.

The Premature Solicitor

The person guilty of Premature Solicitation (don’t say that fast three times, it will get you in trouble!).  This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling.  Therefore, they meet you and immediately go into sales mode.  In addition, they want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. Hence, to this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign.  Consequently, these people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events.  Because they go to meetings and feel slimed by people soliciting them for business, they leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Premature Solicitor” behavior yourself. Therefore, remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week. I will describe the final of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The New Best Friend”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

Space Violator

The Space Violatorstring(18) "The Space Violator"

July 31, 2017
, , Behavioral Style, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics 5

Desperation is not referable

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Space Violator” is the second of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing over the next weeks.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope.  Not true.  In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel).  So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space?  The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in.  In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event.  From my experience, that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world.  What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.”  According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Space Violator” behavior yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week as I describe the next of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The Premature Solicitor”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

The Card Dealer

The Card Dealerstring(15) "The Card Dealer"

July 24, 2017
, , Behavioral Style, desperate networker behaviors, Networking, Networking Tactics 7

Desperation is not referable.

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Card Dealer” is the first of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing each week over the next month.

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years.  The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table.  They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them).  To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game.  The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think).  Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The image above is from a great video called “BNI – The People in The Room” about “The Card Dealer” type of networker.  It was done by Charlie Lawson – check it out. https://youtu.be/EDONaoEcuNM

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Card Dealer” behavior yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week as I describe the next of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The Space Violator”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” on my blog over the next few weeks:

Networking Faux Pas: Confusing Networking with Direct Sellingstring(61) "Networking Faux Pas: Confusing Networking with Direct Selling"

May 2, 2013
, , , , , , , , , Business, Faux Pas, Marketing/Sales, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Sales, VCP Process, Video Blog 1

In this third installment of the Networking Faux Pas Series, I discuss the danger of confusing networking with direct selling–it is often this specific point of confusion which really causes networking to go all wrong.

If your idea of networking is walking around, shaking hands, and closing deals, you owe it to yourself to watch this quick video explaining what networking is really all about and how to make sure you’re not going about it the wrong way.

If you’ve had experiences with people trying to immediately sell you on their product or service at a networking event, please tell us about it in the comment forum below.  Where were you and what happened?  What was your reaction to the person who was trying to close a deal with you before putting in any effort to get to know you? . . .

Networking Faux Pas Series: Premature Solicitationstring(50) "Networking Faux Pas Series: Premature Solicitation"

April 25, 2013
, , , , Building Relationships, Connections, Conversation, Credibility, Faux Pas, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Storytelling, VCP Process, Video Blog 6

In this second installment of the Networking Faux Pas Series, I talk about Premature Solicitation (a term you certainly don’t want to attempt to say three times fast as it very well may get you into a little bit of trouble . . .)–a classic example of how NOT to network.

I share a personal story of an occurrence where somebody tried to prematurely solicit me and I explain how I handled it–suffice it to say, that “somebody” will not get a second chance to make a first good impression.

As I mention at the end of the video, I highly encourage you to share your stories about premature solicitation and other networking faux pas in the comment forum below–I know I for one would love to hear about your experiences (what can I say . . . I always love a good story!) and I’m sure the rest of the BusinessNetworking.com community would love to as well.  Thanks!