Tag Archives: Ask

Today’s blog is an excerpt from the book, “Infinite Giving – The 7 Principles of Givers Gain®”, by Dr. Ivan Misner, Greg Davies, and Julian Lewis. The book is available on either the Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk websites as a paperback book or a Kindle eBook download. Use these links to gain your copy or order multiple copies and “begin the giving” by gifting the book to others. Purchase the paperback book version at https://tinyurl.com/InfiniteGiving or download the Kindle Book version at https://tinyurl.com/InfiniteGivingKindle today.

Givers Gain is two words and receiving is part of the philosophy

Right at the heart of Infinite Giving is the philosophy of Givers Gain. Remember the second word, Gain. Givers Gain is two words and receiving is part of the philosophy. Being a good receiver of a gift is vital to ensure the philosophy works and that it leads to a life of Infinite Giving. Without accepting that it is OK to gain, a giver will soon find themselves out of resources, and the giving will stop. It is vital that the great givers also gain what they need so that they can give over and over. In that way, Infinite Giving becomes a part of who they are and how they act daily. Many people talk about the concept of “you only get out what you put in”. This is often true of gaining within the philosophy of Givers Gain. Giving first is fundamental. But, you cannot constantly give at your own expense.

Brenda Jones’ Liver Story

The story of Brenda Jones illustrates this point beautifully. In 2016, Brenda Jones was a 69-year-old great-grandmother. She had spent a long year on the donor list waiting to receive a liver. On July 18, a hospital in North Texas called—they had a viable liver for her. It was the call she and her family had been waiting for; there was hope.

Meanwhile, 23-year-old Abigail Flores had a crisis, and she had suffered complete liver failure. She also needed a liver and only had hours to live. Her situation was more urgent than Brenda’s. Without a transplant, doctors feared Abigail had maybe one more day to live. The transplant surgeon Dr. Greg McKenna called Brenda and asked her if she would give up her donor organ to save the life of this young woman.

Brenda agreed to give the organ to Abigail. She said of the gift, “In my heart, I wouldn’t have been able to live with the liver if I had let this little girl die. I just knew this is what I had to do.” Brenda was placed back at the top of the donor list and got a new liver just four days later. Both women recovered together in the same ward.

There will always be people who need a new liver. However, Brenda gave away her first chance for what she saw as the greater good. This does not mean, however, that she needed to sacrifice her own life and pass up every opportunity offered to her. It was right for her to accept the second transplant and the new lease of life that came along with it.

Create Opportunities to Gain

It is OK to accept and create opportunities to gain provided you are an equal part of the Givers Gain Community. If you have put in, then it’s right that you should take out. Indeed, even if you have not put in then sometimes you just have to fill your cup so that it may overflow into your saucer.

This is the way Givers Gain works. We must be receptive to gaining. Even the biggest givers need to gain from time to time. One tendency when you are a giver is to push people away saying, “It’s OK,” I do not need help. This can come over as not wanting to impose or, more dangerously interpreted, that you are in some way superior to others in your community.

Build Trust in Your Network

Sometimes we don’t want to be a burden or appear vulnerable in front of our peers. The fact is, in a room full of people, there will always be some who are growing, some who are successful, and there will be those who are facing a challenge. We know it is better to face challenges together. The confidence to be vulnerable comes from building trust within a team or a group. When trust is high and strong, then people are more willing to ask for the help they need. Building trust in your network is a key strategy to unlock the power of the gain side of Givers Gain.

Our experience is that people can be very uncomfortable about seeking gain. They believe that Givers Gain is all about giving and that the gaining should not even cross their mind. This is an understandable thought process; however, it is also all part of the philosophy to ask your community for support when you need it and be open to gaining as much as you are to give.

Give the “Excess”

If you do not get this right, then eventually you will be running on empty and you will drop out of your Givers Gain Community. We should only be giving the “excess” of what we have available, and at the same time by gaining, you refill your reserves and allow others the opportunity to experience the gift of giving. We are often too busy in our routines to recognize when others are experiencing “pain.” This oversight is not through neglect or an unwillingness to assist. It is simply because sometimes life gets in the way.

Ask for what you need and not what you think the community can provide. The fact is that in high-trust groups people are very willing to work with you on what you need. We suggest that when the time is right you should ask for what you need and not what you think the community can provide.

This is illustrated by Andy’s story. Andy spent two years in his BNI group, giving thoughtful referrals, doing the one-to-ones, and not always feeling much return. He knew the group trusted him and he got the odd referral here and there. The problem was that he was simply not being clear in what he wanted to gain from his group and membership.

He got to a point where his business was at a make or break time … so he stood up and asked the room for help. He said, “I want to be here; I want to succeed, and I could use all of your help to get there. I have three months to turn things around otherwise I’ll have to leave and seek employment.” Within an hour he had referrals and, more importantly, ideas and feedback. Six months later, his business model changed (thanks to a member’s advice). He now has regular repeat referrals from all of the business community, and he now asks for what he wants.

When you’ve built a meaningful relationship, you’ve earned the right to ask. The responsibility is on us to ask for assistance when needed. Therefore, I am asking for your help in making the book, “Infinite Giving”, an Amazon Best Seller this week by buying it as a Kindle eBook at https://tinyurl.com/InfiniteGivingKindle today.