acquaintances | Dr. Ivan Misner®

Last week I posted a summary of the conclusions my Business Networking and Sex co-authors and I came to after surveying over 12,000 people and conducting months of research. I promised that this week I would post advice for both women and men in achieving networking success with the opposite sex so below I’ve outlined some key tips Frank De Raffele, Hazel Walker, and I put together.

We Say . . .

We’re all trying to get to the same place. It will be much more profitable for all of us if we can help each other along the way. Here are a few things to guide your success in networking with the complementary gender:

For the Ladies

Don’t get stuck in the credibility phase of the VCP Process®. Ask for what you want.
When asking for help, communicate clearly exactly what it is that you want.
Make time for networking.
When speaking to men, try to impress them and share your accomplishments.
When spoken to inappropriately, speak up about it immediately.
Dress for business at business events.
Put systems in place to track your business.
Stay in contact with and follow up on leads, referrals, and acquaintances made.
Diversify your networks.
Remember that networking is ultimately about getting business, so ask for both business and referrals.
Convey an image to others that you are a serious businessperson, in all that you do.
Get educated about referral systems.
Don’t lump all men into the same group.

For the Guys

Slow down and build the relationship.
Work through the VCP Process® in the proper order of its phases. Don’t race through the credibility phase.
Make and maintain eye contact.
Listen and ask relational questions.
Don’t assume that women don’t take their business seriously.
Don’t hit on women at networking events.
Edit what you are about to say, using filters to sift out what is not business appropriate.
Stay in contact with and follow up on leads, referrals, and acquaintances made.
Stay informed about the best, most current, and cutting-edge networking practices.
Develop and use systems for your networking activities.
Make time for networking.
Speak to relate, not just to impress.
Remember that women are at networking events for business gain, just as you are.

The difference between the genders when it comes to networking is a great advantage, not a disadvantage. By following the tips we have outlined above, you should be able to develop more productive relationships with members of both sexes. Also, be sure to visit www.BusinessNetworkingAndSex.com if you would like to follow the latest developments on the subject of business networking and the genders.

One of my employees told me this week that she passed some advice from one of my books on to her cousin; it was about making connections at networking functions. She told me that her cousin, Greg, recently joined a chamber of commerce to promote the new business he started after being laid off from the company he had worked in for a number of years and he felt clueless as to how to form connections with the strangers he came in contact with at mixers.

My employee remembered reading an article by Alice Ostrower in my book Masters of Networking about making connections so she passed it on to Greg. Reportedly he feels much more comfortable at mixers and has been having a lot more success in networking his business because he now has a strategy for making connections and he feels he knows his purpose when he arrives at a networking event.

Here are the four standard techniques that have been working for Greg and I guarantee they will help you get your networking message across effectively and encourage a positive response (Thanks, Alice! :)):

1. Get the person’s attention. Show interest by asking questions: “How are you?” “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “Have you heard about? . . .” “Did you know? . . .”

2. Add interest. Respond to the answer but don’t move the conversation to you; elicit more information from the other person.

3. Involve. Use the “feel, felt, found” formula (“I know how you feel, I felt the same way, and this is what I found”) to involve yourself in the other person’s message before you deliver your own.

4. Network. Tie it all together by connecting one person’s needs or goals with the resources, needs, or goals of another person. For example: “I felt the same way until I met John Jones. He really helped me accomplish my goals. Why don’t I have him give you a call? Is tomorrow evening convenient?”

This is networking at its best. Your new acquaintance finds a solution to a problem, your referral gets new business, and you gain a reputation as a friendly, reliable, knowledgeable person who seems to know everybody. Your name and reputation will become familiar to more and more people, and your business will automatically benefit in the long run.