Reminder: Unsolicited Advice is Rarely Appreciated

I once received an unsolicited email message from a man named Chris the week before I was scheduled to appear on a national television show. This is what the message said:

I watched your “video for International Networking Week and… I found it personally offensive and amateurish. I just thought you would like some feedback. Consider that when you make your presentation on the Today Show (next week).”

Let me begin by saying I don’t know Chris. I had never met him and never talked to him. I couldn’t fathom why he would feel compelled to send me such a ‘pleasant’ communication.

However, I was thankful to Chris because his message highlighted something important about relationship networking.

Every time you communicate with someone (especially the first time) it is an opportunity to construct or deconstruct a relationship. That email was the first time I ever heard from Chris, and I’d have to say that first contact wasn’t very constructive.

I’m not sure what possesses people to send unsolicited criticism to someone they don’t know. But it seems to be happening more and more in this digital world. I can’t imagine that Chris would have had the nerve to say this to someone if he were face-to-face with them. However, today’s world is ripe with cyber critics who can say what they want and feel more removed from the situation via the internet.

I went back and looked at the “offending” video that Chris referenced. Since he didn’t specify what “offended” him, I have no idea what was said that was so offensive to him. As for “amateurish,” well, I understand that opinions are like noses, everyone has one. Despite knowing the opinion thing, I thought I should look at the video again closely. It was shot by a professional videographer. It had multiple camera angles, professional lighting, and even some makeup (maybe that was offensive to Chris?).

I did receive some other feedback; some people said that this video was a bit “artsy” with the cutaways being a little distracting. A few others didn’t like the switching between black & white and color. I thought those comments were at least specific and constructive. But, amateurish – really? Then I thought maybe this guy Chris had some amazing website that would put my video to shame, so I checked it out. Let’s just say I would not refer him based on his website.

Be Sparing in the Way You Criticize Others

So why am I sharing this story? If you want to succeed in life, make your own business better and be sparing in the way you criticize others.

Yes, I know that some people just can’t help themselves. If you can’t hold back and you feel compelled to vent on some poor unsuspecting soul, consider these four things before you send on your nastygram:

1. Is your criticism unsolicited? Unsolicited advice (especially from people you don’t know) is rarely appreciated.
2. Do you know the person to whom you’re sending the criticism? If not, why are you really sending it (other than to get something off YOUR chest and put it onto their shoulders)?
3. Whether you know them or not – is your intention to give ‘constructive’ suggestions (otherwise known as meaningful, specific, positive ideas) or just to vent? If it’s just to vent – maybe you can tell a friend who loves you and leave the person you don’t know alone.
4. If you do send the communication – will it help construct a relationship or deconstruct a relationship? If it’s the latter – remember Mom’s advice: if you don’t have anything good to say, say nothing at all!

That last line is tried and true advice. Remember, no one has ever built a statue to a critic. It’s easy to tell other people what they are doing wrong. It’s hard to do the right thing yourself. If you want to build strong business relationships, especially through networking, refrain from giving unsolicited advice.
I’d like to know if you have ever had a similar experience and what you did about it. Is there anything you would add to my list above? Share in the comment section.