Life for people in this day and age is crazy busy. People will take up every spare moment in your life if you let them, so it is important to create a life that has “margins.” Build free time, family time, and personal time into the margins of your day-to-day existence. If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. You’ll be happier when you create margins—we promise. Schedule time to relax.
I have scheduled time to relax. Beth and I are taking a vacation this week with my good friend and co-author, Stewart Emery, with his wife. We have been enjoying this week together in Bordeaux France sipping wine and enjoying the sights.
In this video, we discuss “Margins”. You create “harmony” in your life by creating space in your life. Harmony is the access to the things that really matter to you and being fully present; while avoiding those things that do not.
“Who’s in Your Room?: The Secret to Creating Your Best Life”
This is the premise behind my newest book, co-authored with Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. We believe this book can change people’s lives. Learn the secret to creating your best life.
This is someone who helps control the flow of people into your world so that the negative influences who will cause stress and discomfort don’t even reach you.
What if I were to tell you that I learned a strategy after writing my most recent book, “Who’s In Your Room,” that happens to be as relevant and important for your NETWORK! This is your final opportunity to register for my upcoming FREE MasterClass called, Who’s In Your Network, on Thursday, May 2nd at 1pm ET (10am PT).
Can you imagine living a better life? Would you like to surround yourself with more supportive people? There’s hope! You see, the quality of your life and the success of your business depends on the people in your life.
You can be a founding member of Ivan’s Inner Circle. We listened to your comments and it is now strictly the webinar platform and Facebook Community coaching along with live events. I’d love to see you there.
I hope you are able to attend because it includes very impactful content relating to building the “right” network of people. It is based on content from my book, “Who’s In Your Room?” However, this Master Class will focus on applying the concepts from that book into your personal network. During this experience, I will help you assess who is in your network (aka your life) and who should stay in it. Nearly every business owner that has experienced some type of challenge will admit that the root of this trying time was because they let someone into their network that was not aligned with their values. Whether this person did poor work, created drama and angst, or simply distracted you from your focus – they ended up not being a positive influence in your life or in your group.
I’m going to be sharing my solution to this in the free Master Class, Who’s In Your Network?
The quality of your life is a direct reflection of who is in your network. How you manage who you let into your network is very important. This webinar is free and you are welcome to invite your fellow members and friends to it. The class is sponsored by Ivan’s Inner Circle which has recently been changed to focus exclusively on my educational content. I’d love to see you there.
Do you know the #1 source of business pain in the lives of most people?
It all stems from letting someone in their network that is not aligned with their values. This might be because you were born into it, like family! Or you chose it like friends, colleagues, acquaintances, or business partners. Regardless of how they got there, they are infiltrating the quality of your life and as a result, YOU SUFFER!
So you have a choice to make…
Allow them to impact you
Make a change today!
I am hosting a MasterClass to help you not only make the choice, but also to give you tools and resources to make your NETWORK a safe space for only those who are worthy of entering. Join me for “Who’s In Your Network”
Dr. Daniel Amen believes that brain health is central to all health and success. When your brain works right, he says, you work right; and when your brain is troubled you are much more likely to have trouble in your life. His work is dedicated to helping people have better brains and better lives. In this video, Dr. Amen reveals his “BRAIN-XL” framework to help others feel better fast and make it last:
B for “Brain”
Your brain likes to do what it’s always done, even when that isn’t in your best interest. Getting stuck in unhelpful behaviors, holding grudges, and engaging in unproductive worrying all cause immense suffering. Work to optimize the physical functioning of your brain and shift your thinking habits to more positive practices for better health.
R for “Rational Mind”
It’s important to develop the mental discipline necessary for feeling better fast, including eliminating the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), quieting your mind, focusing on gratitude, and even welcoming failure. With the help of some basic techniques, it’s possible for you to master your rational mind.
A for “Attachments”
Our attachments bring us the greatest joys and the most painful sorrows. It is when our relationships break people have the most mental health problems. Improving relationships and dealing with painful memories can help you achieve better outcomes. Learning how to improve your relationships can help you save your job, your marriage, your friendships, and all your relationships.
I for “Inspiration”
How to keep your pleasure center healthy in today’s world. Knowing and acting on your “why” is critical to living each day with joy. Purposeful people are happier and healthier, and live longer. Protecting your brain’s pleasure centers can help you live with passion and purpose.
N for “Nourishment”
In a world full of fast food and processed ingredients, our brains are affected by what we put into our bodies. Are you experiencing brain fog? A helpful nutritious diet can help you feel better quickly. Eating healthy foods can immediately boost your focus, memory and mood.
X for “X-Factor”
In any given situation, the X factor is the variable that has the most significant impact on the outcome. Taking a look at the brain can be the difference between success and failure.
L for “Love”
Love yourself. Do things out of love of life or others. Caring for your body and brain affects your health and the health of generations to come. Love is the motivation that prompts us to put in the consistent effort and make the changes required to get healthy.
If you want to learn more about how the BRAIN-XL principles can help you stop the pain quickly, we recommend reading Dr. Amen’s new book, “Feel Better Fast and Make It Last.”
Feel Better Fast and Make It Last
Renowned physician, psychiatrist, brain-imaging researcher, and founder of Amen Clinics Dr. Daniel Amen understands how critical it is for you to know what will help you feel better fast, now and later. Dr. Amen has helped millions of people change their brains and lives through his health clinics, best-selling books, products and public television programs. In his book, Feel Better Fast and Make It Last, you’ll discover new, powerful brain-based strategies to quickly gain control over anxiety, worry, sadness, stress and anger, strengthening your resilience and giving you joy and purpose for a lifetime. If you want to feel happier, more optimistic, more joyful, and resilient, Dr. Amen’s groundbreaking new book is for you.
To manage your room effectively, you need to establish boundaries on what behaviors you will or will not tolerate from other people. Furthermore, by building your mental walls, you will be clearer about the kind of behavior you expect from others. However, it will be easy for you to become a pushover if you do not do this. Many people are unaware of other people’s limits and will force their behaviors on you if you do not stand your ground.
When you set your boundaries, you can use a strategy called behavioral disruption. Behavioral disruption starts with communication, not confrontation. Clear, open, honest, and direct communication is almost always the best way to address issues, and applying this to managing your room is no exception. With behavioral disruption, your goal is to disrupt the process that allows your deal-breakers to be violated. Speak with the person about the issue. Then, share what your response will be the next time one of your deal-breakers is broken. Therefore, when the person crosses your boundaries, remove yourself.
In conclusion, you don’t have to subject yourself to drama anymore. This can be a life-changing experience. Therefore, if you do the work, set boundaries and trust the process. You’ll be glad you did.
Psychologists and therapists largely agree that awareness is curative. In this vein, we believe you likely won’t be able to have harmony in your room if you aren’t aware of the people and activities that bring you deep satisfaction.
To bring harmony to your room, find a place where you can sit in silence for a while. Have a pen and paper handy. We suggest you do not use a computer for this, as there is something about the process of writing in your own hand that brings additional depth to the process. You may find it helpful to gently close your eyes and focus your awareness on the process of your breathing for a while. Then begin to review the moments throughout your life when you felt most alive.
What am I doing when I feel most alive? Who am I with?
When am I enjoying myself so much that I lose track of time?
What do I look forward to doing the most?
What makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied?
When have I felt the proudest? Who was I with?
The goal here is simple harmony:
Identify the people, activities, and projects in your life that make you feel alive, satisfied, or fulfilled. To take this exercise a step farther, you can also write a paragraph about each activity that gives you a sense of aliveness. What does that look like? Describe each activity as vividly as possible, and take some time to think through what it would look like to experience each activity more fully—and more frequently. You might be surprised what you discover
Next, strive to say yes to more of the people and things that bring you fulfillment and a sense of aliveness, and strive to say no to the people and things that add stress and conflict within your room. When you consciously design your room, it is much easier to live a life of harmony.
This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom
If you’re like most people, at some point in time—possibly even today—you’ve thought about having better balance in your life. In this crazy, hectic, technology-driven society, balance is an ever-present concern for many people. I am often asked the secret to finding it in your life. How can you get the most out of work, life, friends, family, and all of your other activities? Would you like to learn the secret to balance? Are you ready? Here it is:
The Secret to Balance
Forget about balance; it’s an illusion. “Balance” assumes that we spend an equal amount of time in all or most areas of our life. It is like the image of the scales of justice where everything is completely in balance and equal. However, the concept implies that we must spend a certain portion of each week devoted in some equal measure to every item important in our life. The problem with this is that most people can’t actually achieve this on a regular basis. We tend to live such hectic, busy lives that it is incredibly difficult to fit it all in. Balance assumes that we spend equal amounts of time in each area of our life, which realistically, is impossible. I believe in harmony, in finding ways to creating synergy between the things you love to do and the things you’re paid to do (if you’re lucky, they’re one in the same!)
But there’s good news. We suggest striving for “Harmony“. You simply cannot have balance in your life. You can, however, find harmony. This is more than semantics—it is a different way of looking at life. It is possible to create a life that is in harmony with your values and vision of who you are and what you want to do. Even the symbol for harmony (the yin yang) is out of balance if you look at each piece separately.
Here are some keys to a life that’s in harmony.
Be Here Now
Set time aside for the things that really matter.
Find ways to integrate different parts of your life
When you’re 70 years old, you’re not going to wish you spent more time at the office
Harmony is created where harmony is sought. What do you do to create harmony in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts so please share your ideas/tactics in the comment forum below. Thanks!
Benign neglect takes many forms. It’s any decision you make that allows a person in your room (or an activity associated with that person) to move toward the back, which in turn allows someone else to step a little bit closer to you.
Here are some examples:
Suggesting that instead of holding weekly in-person meetings with a colleague, you have virtual meetings every other week.
Strictly limiting your consumption of news or social media to a set amount of time each day.
Maintaining membership in an organization but no longer holding a leadership role.
Speaking with a friend when she calls, but only initiating a call to her once a month.
Opting out of “pub night” or “wine night” in favor of staying in with your spouse or partner.
Not responding to phone calls or emails quite so quickly.
Shifting your time and energy to other people and not being available as readily.
The bottom line here is that benign neglect works—even if you do it by accident. We’re suggesting that, when appropriate, you do it by design. It can be progressive—meaning that you gradually move into benign neglect over time. It doesn’t have to be overnight. This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.
Mentally relegating these people to your storage space allows you to regain control over areas of your life that they may have controlled. Take those people and memories, put them in a storage box, and put it on a shelf. Don’t let them continue to control your life. The intentionality of saying to yourself, “I’m no longer thinking about you,” can be wonderfully freeing.
We also encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on the experiences and people you are putting in storage and try to learn from them. This thought process will allow you to then circle back to your “Doorman” to make sure no other similar people or experiences will enter your room.
Here are a few examples of people and the experiences related to them that you might box up—and learn from placing in your storage space:
A social group: I thought I’d enjoy joining this book group, but it’s not been a valuable experience. Rather than learning from the experience, all I hear about is small-town gossip during our meetings. I’ll politely quit the group and free up one night a week for someone from whom I can learn.
An employee: I knew when I hired Joe that he would need mentoring, but I’m finding it frustrating to support him when it seems like he doesn’t care. More than that, he’s late to work consistently—a trait that falls into one of my deal-breakers. I’m going to let him go and make sure his replacement values punctuality and demonstrates ambition.
A boss: I’ve been putting up with my boss’s disorganization and rude remarks for three years, and the situation hasn’t improved over time; it’s only gotten worse. I’m going to see if I can switch departments. If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan my exit strategy from the company by researching my options, networking, and applying to new positions.
A grudge: I resent that my ex has turned my children against me by telling them lies. I am going to move on from that resentment and instead take actions regularly to reconnect with my children to show them I care and love them.
Guilt: (This is a big one.) Sometimes I let people in my room out of guilt. Once they are in, I continue to give them attention—out of guilt. Many times I tolerate people’s behavior out of guilt. Guilt does not make for good relationships, and it creates a caustic room. I am not going to feel guilty because of someone else’s “stuff.”
Family-member syndrome: They’re family—what can I do? They may be family, and it’s true I had no choice on whether they are in my room, but I’m not going to let them run amuck in my space any longer.
So all of this sounds good, but how do you transition to putting them on a shelf?
This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.
Your New Years just got a whole lot better. Now, you have an effortless and affordable way to enjoy “Who’s in Your Room?” in audio. I am so thrilled to offer you the opportunity to enjoy my latest book seamlessly through Audible, it’s about to become your new favorite audiobook.
Can you imagine living a better life in 2019? Would you like to surround yourself with more supportive people? There’s hope! You see, the quality of your life depends on the people in your life. The simple and powerful ideas in this book can change your life forever in the new year.
“Who’s in Your Room?” introduces you to the concept of your life being like a room – a room where anyone who enters affects your life…forever. Although this concept may sound frightening, this book gives you the tools and exercises you need to make a New Year’s resolution to take control of your room and live the life you desire in 2019.
So, head over to Audible now to pick your first Audible Original. After all, there’s nothing better to read — or listen to — for the new year than “Who’s in Your Room?”. If you’re still not convinced on the book, take a listen to an exclusive clip from the audiobook below:
Who doesn’t love going home for the holidays to visit family members?
It’s that precious time of the year when you have that annual visit with your siblings, parents, and various cousins. However, the holidays also bring together the toxic people in your life. The holidays are a special time, perhaps the only time all year they get to see our family members. However, these annual get-togethers are often fraught with trepidation because of the behavior of one family member. Many people have that drunk uncle you avoid all year, yet you have to spend Christmas Eve dinner with him. Others might have that cousin you have not spoken to in years joining you to open gifts together on Christmas morning. Your toxic family members often display behaviors that can irritate you and want you to kick them out of your life. However, remember that these people will be in your room for the rest of your life.
Even when people are out of your life they remain in your head.
Recognizing that people can never fully leave your room once they’ve entered can be unsettling. What do we do with our family members who don’t align with our values? How do we handle them? They’re family—what can I do? They may be family, and it’s true I had no choice on whether they are in my room, but I’m not going to let them run amuck in my space any longer. My mother taught me how to deal with toxic family members: “Well, we can’t quite kick anyone to the curb, but we can box them up and put them on a shelf.” That’s right, box them up and put them out of sight. Don’t let them continue to control your life. I also encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on the experiences and people you are “boxing up” and try to learn from them.
We all have a family member whom you want to put on the highest shelf you could possibly reach. So, how do you deal with difficult family members? They are people whom we love and don’t actually want out of our lives completely. Your goal will be to connect with your family members but only rarely and for short periods of time. That way, you still maintain a relationship but you don’t get “infected with drama or craziness,” The people may be welcome in your room, but their baggage does not have to be. Holiday parties can be perfect places to continue relationships with your toxic family members without getting sucked into the drama because these tend to be larger gatherings with lots of other family members, where you can chat briefly with them. However, you are not their sole focus for an extended time. Set rules for your gathering. Examples are, “No politics at the table” or “once you go negative, I’m done with you”. These types of people are draining, so it’s best to recognize that and plan accordingly. Visit briefly, be friendly, then move on to someone else in your room.
This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. It would make a great Christmas gift to give to all your family members, especially the toxic people.