Who's in Your Room Archives - Dr. Ivan Misner®
Feel Better Fast

Feel Better Fast and Make It Last

Dr. Daniel Amen believes that brain health is central to all health and success. When your brain works right, he says, you work right; and when your brain is troubled you are much more likely to have trouble in your life. His work is dedicated to helping people have better brains and better lives. In this video, Dr. Amen reveals his “BRAIN-XL” framework to help others feel better fast and make it last:

B for “Brain”

Your brain likes to do what it’s always done, even when that isn’t in your best interest. Getting stuck in unhelpful behaviors, holding grudges, and engaging in unproductive worrying all cause immense suffering. Work to optimize the physical functioning of your brain and shift your thinking habits to more positive practices for better health.

R for “Rational Mind”

It’s important to develop the mental discipline necessary for feeling better fast, including eliminating the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), quieting your mind, focusing on gratitude, and even welcoming failure. With the help of some basic techniques, it’s possible for you to master your rational mind.

A for “Attachments”

Our attachments bring us the greatest joys and the most painful sorrows. It is when our relationships break people have the most mental health problems. Improving relationships and dealing with painful memories can help you achieve better outcomes. Learning how to improve your relationships can help you save your job, your marriage, your friendships, and all your relationships.

I for “Inspiration”

How to keep your pleasure center healthy in today’s world. Knowing and acting on your “why” is critical to living each day with joy. Purposeful people are happier and healthier, and live longer. Protecting your brain’s pleasure centers can help you live with passion and purpose.

N for “Nourishment”

In a world full of fast food and processed ingredients, our brains are affected by what we put into our bodies. Are you experiencing brain fog? A helpful nutritious diet can help you feel better quickly. Eating healthy foods can immediately boost your focus, memory and mood.

X for “X-Factor”

In any given situation, the X factor is the variable that has the most significant impact on the outcome.  Taking a look at the brain can be the difference between success and failure.

L for “Love”

Love yourself. Do things out of love of life or others. Caring for your body and brain affects your health and the health of generations to come. Love is the motivation that prompts us to put in the consistent effort and make the changes required to get healthy.

If you want to learn more about how the BRAIN-XL principles can help you stop the pain quickly, we recommend reading Dr. Amen’s new book, “Feel Better Fast and Make It Last.”

 

Feel Better Fast and Make It Last

Renowned physician, psychiatrist, brain-imaging researcher, and founder of Amen Clinics Dr. Daniel Amen understands how critical it is for you to know what will help you feel better fast, now and later. Dr. Amen has helped millions of people change their brains and lives through his health clinics, best-selling books, products and public television programs. In his book, Feel Better Fast and Make It Last, you’ll discover new, powerful brain-based strategies to quickly gain control over anxiety, worry, sadness, stress and anger, strengthening your resilience and giving you joy and purpose for a lifetime. If you want to feel happier, more optimistic, more joyful, and resilient, Dr. Amen’s groundbreaking new book is for you.

Please order his book on Amazon or Barnes and Noble

Please view Dr. Amen’s website for more information about his clinics.

Boundaries

Setting Boundaries in Life

To manage your room effectively, you need to establish boundaries on what behaviors you will or will not tolerate from other people. Furthermore, by building your mental walls, you will be clearer about the kind of behavior you expect from others. However, it will be easy for you to become a pushover if you do not do this. Many people are unaware of other people’s limits and will force their behaviors on you if you do not stand your ground.

Behavioral Disruption

When you set your boundaries, you can use a strategy called behavioral disruption. Behavioral disruption starts with communication, not confrontation. Clear, open, honest, and direct communication is almost always the best way to address issues, and applying this to managing your room is no exception. With behavioral disruption, your goal is to disrupt the process that allows your deal-breakers to be violated. Speak with the person about the issue. Then, share what your response will be the next time one of your deal-breakers is broken. Therefore, when the person crosses your boundaries, remove yourself.

In conclusion, you don’t have to subject yourself to drama anymore. This can be a life-changing experience. Therefore, if you do the work, set boundaries and trust the process. You’ll be glad you did.

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. To order the book, please use this link:https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

Harmony

Bringing Harmony to Your Room

Psychologists and therapists largely agree that awareness is curative. In this vein, we believe you likely won’t be able to have harmony in your room if you aren’t aware of the people and activities that bring you deep satisfaction.

To bring harmony to your room, find a place where you can sit in silence for a while. Have a pen and paper handy. We suggest you do not use a computer for this, as there is something about the process of writing in your own hand that brings additional depth to the process. You may find it helpful to gently close your eyes and focus your awareness on the process of your breathing for a while. Then begin to review the moments throughout your life when you felt most alive.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I doing when I feel most alive? Who am I with?
  • When am I enjoying myself so much that I lose track of time?
  • What do I look forward to doing the most?
  • What makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied?
  • When have I felt the proudest? Who was I with?

The goal here is simple harmony:

Identify the people, activities, and projects in your life that make you feel alive, satisfied, or fulfilled. To take this exercise a step farther, you can also write a paragraph about each activity that gives you a sense of aliveness. What does that look like? Describe each activity as vividly as possible, and take some time to think through what it would look like to experience each activity more fully—and more frequently. You might be surprised what you discover

Next, strive to say yes to more of the people and things that bring you fulfillment and a sense of aliveness, and strive to say no to the people and things that add stress and conflict within your room. When you consciously design your room, it is much easier to live a life of harmony.

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

balance

Harmony vs. Balance

If you’re like most people, at some point in time—possibly even today—you’ve thought about having better balance in your life. In this crazy, hectic, technology-driven society, balance is an ever-present concern for many people.  I am often asked the secret to finding it in your life. How can you get the most out of work, life, friends, family, and all of your other activities? Would you like to learn the secret to balance? Are you ready? Here it is:

The Secret to Balance

Forget about balance; it’s an illusion. “Balance” assumes that we spend an equal amount of time in all or most areas of our life. It is like the image of the scales of justice where everything is completely in balance and equal. However, the concept implies that we must spend a certain portion of each week devoted in some equal measure to every item important in our life. The problem with this is that most people can’t actually achieve this on a regular basis. We tend to live such hectic, busy lives that it is incredibly difficult to fit it all in. Balance assumes that we spend equal amounts of time in each area of our life, which realistically, is impossible. I believe in harmony, in finding ways to creating synergy between the things you love to do and the things you’re paid to do (if you’re lucky, they’re one in the same!)

But there’s good news. We suggest striving for “Harmony“. You simply cannot have balance in your life. You can, however, find harmony. This is more than semantics—it is a different way of looking at life. It is possible to create a life that is in harmony with your values and vision of who you are and what you want to do. Even the symbol for harmony (the yin yang) is out of balance if you look at each piece separately.

Here are some keys to a life that’s in harmony.

  • Be Here Now
  • Set time aside for the things that really matter.
  • Find ways to integrate different parts of your life
  • When you’re 70 years old, you’re not going to wish you spent more time at the office

Harmony is created where harmony is sought. What do you do to create harmony in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts so please share your ideas/tactics in the comment forum below.  Thanks!

Benign neglect

Mastering the Art of Benign Neglect

Benign neglect takes many forms. It’s any decision you make that allows a person in your room (or an activity associated with that person) to move toward the back, which in turn allows someone else to step a little bit closer to you.

Here are some examples:

  • Suggesting that instead of holding weekly in-person meetings with a colleague, you have virtual meetings every other week.
  • Strictly limiting your consumption of news or social media to a set amount of time each day.
  • Maintaining membership in an organization but no longer holding a leadership role.
  • Speaking with a friend when she calls, but only initiating a call to her once a month.
  • Opting out of “pub night” or “wine night” in favor of staying in with your spouse or partner.
  • Telling someone no.
  • Not responding to phone calls or emails quite so quickly.
  • Shifting your time and energy to other people and not being available as readily.

The bottom line here is that benign neglect works—even if you do it by accident. We’re suggesting that, when appropriate, you do it by design. It can be progressive—meaning that you gradually move into benign neglect over time. It doesn’t have to be overnight. This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

storage space

Clear Your Clutter in the New Year (Making Use of Your Room’s Storage Space)

Mentally relegating these people to your storage space allows you to regain control over areas of your life that they may have controlled. Take those people and memories, put them in a storage box, and put it on a shelf. Don’t let them continue to control your life. The intentionality of saying to yourself, “I’m no longer thinking about you,” can be wonderfully freeing.

We also encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on the experiences and people you are putting in storage and try to learn from them. This thought process will allow you to then circle back to your “Doorman” to make sure no other similar people or experiences will enter your room.

Here are a few examples of people and the experiences related to them that you might box up—and learn from placing in your storage space:

A social group: I thought I’d enjoy joining this book group, but it’s not been a valuable experience. Rather than learning from the experience, all I hear about is small-town gossip during our meetings. I’ll politely quit the group and free up one night a week for someone from whom I can learn.

An employee: I knew when I hired Joe that he would need mentoring, but I’m finding it frustrating to support him when it seems like he doesn’t care. More than that, he’s late to work consistently—a trait that falls into one of my deal-breakers. I’m going to let him go and make sure his replacement values punctuality and demonstrates ambition.

A boss: I’ve been putting up with my boss’s disorganization and rude remarks for three years, and the situation hasn’t improved over time; it’s only gotten worse. I’m going to see if I can switch departments. If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan my exit strategy from the company by researching my options, networking, and applying to new positions.

A grudge: I resent that my ex has turned my children against me by telling them lies. I am going to move on from that resentment and instead take actions regularly to reconnect with my children to show them I care and love them.

Guilt: (This is a big one.) Sometimes I let people in my room out of guilt. Once they are in, I continue to give them attention—out of guilt. Many times I tolerate people’s behavior out of guilt. Guilt does not make for good relationships, and it creates a caustic room. I am not going to feel guilty because of someone else’s “stuff.”

Family-member syndrome: They’re family—what can I do? They may be family, and it’s true I had no choice on whether they are in my room, but I’m not going to let them run amuck in my space any longer.

So all of this sounds good, but how do you transition to putting them on a shelf?

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

Audible

“Who’s in Your Room?” is Now Available as an Audible Original Audiobook

Your New Years just got a whole lot better. Now, you have an effortless and affordable way to enjoy “Who’s in Your Room?” in audio. I am so thrilled to offer you the opportunity to enjoy my latest book seamlessly through Audible, it’s about to become your new favorite audiobook.

  • The audiobook is narrated by the authors: Ivan MisnerStewart EmeryRick Sapio
  • Listen in your car on the way to your BNI meeting, relaxing on vacation, or at the gym during your New Year’s workout.
Below is the link for the Audible audio-book on Amazon!
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Make a “revolution” instead of a “resolution”

Can you imagine living a better life in 2019? Would you like to surround yourself with more supportive people? There’s hope! You see, the quality of your life depends on the people in your life. The simple and powerful ideas in this book can change your life forever in the new year.

“Who’s in Your Room?” introduces you to the concept of your life being like a room – a room where anyone who enters affects your life…forever. Although this concept may sound frightening, this book gives you the tools and exercises you need to make a New Year’s resolution to take control of your room and live the life you desire in 2019.

So, head over to Audible now to pick your first Audible Original. After all, there’s nothing better to read — or listen to — for the new year than “Who’s in Your Room?”. If you’re still not convinced on the book, take a listen to an exclusive clip from the audiobook below:

Family Members

Keep Your Family Members From Ruining Your Holidays

Who doesn’t love going home for the holidays to visit family members?

It’s that precious time of the year when you have that annual visit with your siblings, parents, and various cousins. However, the holidays also bring together the toxic people in your life. The holidays are a special time, perhaps the only time all year they get to see our family members. However, these annual get-togethers are often fraught with trepidation because of the behavior of one family member. Many people have that drunk uncle you avoid all year, yet you have to spend Christmas Eve dinner with him. Others might have that cousin you have not spoken to in years joining you to open gifts together on Christmas morning. Your toxic family members often display behaviors that can irritate you and want you to kick them out of your life. However, remember that these people will be in your room for the rest of your life.

Even when people are out of your life they remain in your head.

Recognizing that people can never fully leave your room once they’ve entered can be unsettling. What do we do with our family members who don’t align with our values? How do we handle them? They’re family—what can I do? They may be family, and it’s true I had no choice on whether they are in my room, but I’m not going to let them run amuck in my space any longer. My mother taught me how to deal with toxic family members: “Well, we can’t quite kick anyone to the curb, but we can box them up and put them on a shelf.” That’s right, box them up and put them out of sight. Don’t let them continue to control your life. I also encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on the experiences and people you are “boxing up” and try to learn from them.

Homeopathic Doses

We all have a family member whom you want to put on the highest shelf you could possibly reach. So, how do you deal with difficult family members? They are people whom we love and don’t actually want out of our lives completely. Your goal will be to connect with your family members but only rarely and for short periods of time. That way, you still maintain a relationship but you don’t get “infected with drama or craziness,” The people may be welcome in your room, but their baggage does not have to be. Holiday parties can be perfect places to continue relationships with your toxic family members without getting sucked into the drama because these tend to be larger gatherings with lots of other family members, where you can chat briefly with them. However, you are not their sole focus for an extended time. Set rules for your gathering. Examples are, “No politics at the table” or “once you go negative, I’m done with you”. These types of people are draining, so it’s best to recognize that and plan accordingly. Visit briefly, be friendly, then move on to someone else in your room.

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. It would make a great Christmas gift to give to all your family members, especially the toxic people.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

mentors into your room

Let Mentors Into Your Room

How can you increase the number of mentors into your room?

First, create a two-column list. In the first column, write down everyone’s name who is currently in your room who enhances the quality of your life. That can be your personal life, your professional life, your spiritual life—anything that matters to you. These people can be family members, friends, community members, business associates, coaches, colleagues, spiritual leaders, and so on. Don’t neglect anyone who is a positive force in your life.

Next, in the second column, write at least one action you can take to strengthen each relationship. For family members, it might mean arranging more quality time together. If a spiritual leader is on your list, make it a priority to attend services more frequently if you are attending sporadically now. For business associates, perhaps you’ll want to extend an invitation for a lunch meeting or a discussion over coffee. Ivan has written extensively on the value of building strong networks in business, so if this is a new and unfamiliar area to you, consider reading more on the value of business networking to cultivate these positive relationships.

The steps you write don’t have to be complicated or earth shattering.

The point is, you want to create a concrete plan that will help you fortify the relationships you already have with mentors. Then pick up the phone, send the email, or attend the social gathering. Take steps today to strengthen your relationships with mentors by engaging them and, when appropriate, expressing the value they have in your life.

Put your Doorman to work to let mentors into your room. Then dedicate the time necessary to develop those relationships. The impact will have a compounding effect.

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

say no

Improve Your Life by Learning How to Say No

Sometimes people come knocking at your door because they want something from you. However, you either don’t want to work with them or that project doesn’t resonate with you or your values. Other times, you may be dealing with people already in your room, and we feel this is an important aspect of our message. Here are seven ways you can say no and not come across like a jerk (or worse):

  • If I say yes, I’m afraid I’d let you down. A very effective way to tell someone no is to tell them you believe you’d let them down if you do what they are asking. It might be because you don’t have the bandwidth, the knowledge, or the expertise to do what they are asking; but, in any case, you’re not the person to help make this idea a success, and you don’t want to disappoint them. This type of response not only gets you off the hook but also affirms your work ethic and shows you want the person and their project to succeed.
  • Know the difference between an opportunity and a distraction. Recognizing this distinction begins by knowing your own personal or professional mission. If you know your purpose/expertise/mission, then you can say no when someone comes to you with something that is a distraction to that mission. This strategy can be particularly helpful for projects that perhaps interest you in theory but don’t align with your goals and mission in practice, right now. One of the best ways to apply this concept is to use the technique below.
  • Refer them to someone more qualified. When we say no to someone, we always try to refer them to someone who is more qualified or more suited to help that person. We also try to refer them to someone whose mission is more in alignment with their project. Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should if it’s not truly your area of expertise.
  • I don’t do that. Sometimes the request and response can be very simple. For example, when someone tries to convince Ivan to have a piece of cake or pie, he simply says, “Thanks, but I don’t eat processed sugar.” When they say something like, “Oh, just a bite,” he has no problem telling them they should feel free to have his bite—because he doesn’t eat sugar.
  • Don’t “Seinfeld” it. One of the really funny things on the old TV series Seinfeld was how the characters would go off on some crazy, complicated subterfuge or ruse and end up getting in more trouble than if they had just been candid to start with. Be polite, but be honest and direct.
  • Propose something else. If you are unable to do something that you’re being asked to do, offer them something else instead. If you are a restaurant owner, maybe you can’t afford to cater that 5K charity race for free, but maybe you can afford to donate several gift certificates for the charity to raffle. By proposing something else, you can still build a relationship.
  • When you say it, mean it! Be a broken record. Sometimes people don’t take no for an answer. Try to be polite, smile, and repeat what you said before. Don’t be surprised if you have to repeat yourself multiple times before people understand you meant what you said.

Let Me Help You Create Your Best Life

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

The Kindle edition of “Who’s in Your Room” is available for a limited time for only $1. Download it while the Cyber Monday special lasts.
https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoomKindle

Free Webinars

Let Me Help You Create Your Best Life

The book, “Who’s in Your Room” (the public edition), is now available.  The lessons in this book are not only relevant to growing your business and your involvement in networking groups they’re also relevant to your personal life.   Therefore, I will be conducting regular free webinars to create your best life.
Free Webinars
Have you ever thought about this?: Am I living my BEST life?  Do you ever feel overwhelmed or inefficient?  Are you truly happy with everyone that you have around you?  Are you having trouble achieving some of your life goals?  If you said Yes to any of these questions, don’t worry – there’s hope.  You see, the quality of your life depends on the people in your life.  The book, “Who’s in Your Room“, will help you discover the secret to creating your best life by creating your best room.
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Free Webinars

I believe this book will have a bigger impact on people’s lives than any other book I’ve ever written. I’m willing to share these secrets with you in regular live webinars – for FREE.  Over the next several months, my co-authors and I will be conducting regular webinars where we will talk about the ideas from “Who’s in Your Room” and how you can apply them to your life today.  It’s all free. It costs nothing.  All we ask is that if you like the content of the book, you tell other people about it.  That’s it.  Free webinars to create your best life, and all we ask is that you be a book ambassador and let others know about the book if you feel it makes a difference for you.
 
 Free Webinars
If you would like to sign up for these free webinars or would like more information, I invite you into my room by going to this URL and signing up for the webinars: https://tinyurl.com/FreeRoomWebinars
Engines

Are the People Trying to Enter Your Room Engines or Anchors?

Over the years I’ve recognized that there are some people who are positive and supportive individuals that I really want to be around.  They are solutions focused relating to most problems and are almost always willing to talk through challenges with a positive end in mind.  These people are engines.  They help me be my best self and they motivate me to drive forward.

I’ve also noticed, as I’m sure you have, that there are some people who complain as though it were an Olympic event (for the record – it’s not!).  They tend to be negative, argumentative, and obsessed with problems.  I’ve learned not to spend much time with these people because they focus on all the things that are wrong relating to most challenges.   If all someone does is focus on problems – they become an expert on problems and not on the solutions.   These people are anchors, they hold me back and weigh me down.

Who do you surround yourself with: engines or anchors?

This is an important question for everyone.  It’s particularly important if you are trying to build a powerful personal network of people around you.  Is your network full of people who are engines helping you go to the next level in your life or your career?  Or, are they anchors weighing you down with the plethora of issues, problems, and complaints? Do they hold you back, or do they drive you forward?

The funny thing here is that no-one thinks they’re an anchor.  No one!  Of course, they’ll tell you that they are an engine – they just do not like the direction you are going and that’s why they come across the way they do.  For the record – they’re an anchor – with a motor attached. My advice is to call for “all hands on deck,” cut loose the anchors in your life, partner up with your fellow engines and go full-speed ahead.

Doorman

This is where your Doorman comes in. Your Doorman is looking for engines, people helping you go to the next level in your life. Your Doorman should forbid entrance to the anchors, people weighing you down with a plethora of issues, problems, and complaints.

This is just a little of the content from my new book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life.”  Check out the book here: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom.

If you would like to be in my room, CLICK HERE. 

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