Collaboration | Dr. Ivan Misner®

21Jul2014

2 Tips for Moving People in the Right Directionstring(47) "2 Tips for Moving People in the Right Direction"

July 21, 2014

Coaching, Direction, Guiding, Two Tips Business, Collaboration, Conversation, Entrepreneurial Enterprise, Strategy, Success 3

The business I’m in involves a lot of coaching and guiding of franchisees to teach them how to coach and guide entrepreneurs, salespeople, and professionals to generate referrals for themselves and others. Sometimes this feels a little like ‘herding cats’; entrepreneurs hate being told what to do and it takes a real skill set to move them in a direction that involves a lot of hard work but will help them achieve the results they want.

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One of the biggest challenges I have in this process is not with the actual entrepreneur or salesperson but with the individual I’m coaching to be able to guide the entrepreneur or salesperson. These people have gone through many hours of training, tend to have a fair amount of field experience, and have support manuals that exceed a thousand pages of documentation to assist in the process. They are true experts. I’ve discovered, however, that sometimes expertise can actually be a problem. Just because your expertise may arm you with the knowledge to recognize the solution to a problem or challenge, it doesn’t mean other people are going to automatically ‘believe’ you know the solution and/or want you to actually tell them the solution. I know that sounds counter intuitive; however, if you’ve ever raised a child, you know that this is often times absolutely true!

So, let’s say you’re an expert. You know you’re an expert. You know that you can help someone else. You also know that this “someone else” is a grownup who runs their own business or is an independent sales rep who chose their particular career for good reason . . . they like the freedom of being independent. How do you move these people in the right direction?

I had a person who worked for my company who once went into one of my locations and was appalled by how badly things were being run by the members of the group. She let them know in no uncertain terms what they were doing wrong and how they needed to turn it around. Her assessment of the situation and the solutions she proposed were spot on but her presentation of them was all wrong. She was so blunt with the group’s members that she received a very negative reaction from them and ended up leaving the place an even bigger mess than it was when she first walked in. When I met with her to talk about how she might have done things differently, she grew furious with me for not supporting her since she was right and the members of the group were wrong. I wasn’t arguing that she was right–she was. The problem I had was how she handled the situation–in that area, she was completely wrong. I tried to explain this to her by sharing one of my favorite sayings relating to the dilemma: “Don’t burn down the barn to roast the pig.” In other words, don’t make things worse than you found them when you were trying to fix them in the first place.

She could never really wrap her head around the concept that people may not welcome her advice with enthusiasm and agree with her stance on an issue when she was clearly right. She didn’t work for me for much longer (make of that what you will) and, eventually, we got an expert to work with that group who ‘listened’ to their issues, Built relationships with the group members, and then coached them into achieving the greatness they had within them. It’s important to note that this process took time and patience.

There are two things I try to teach people in this situation.

First, “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” If you want people to listen to you when you are coaching them or re-directing them, they have to know that you care about them and want them to succeed. If they don’t know this down to their core – they will not listen to your advice. Ever.

Second, is a saying given to me by mother on a paper weight when I was about 16 years old and I was running an uphill battle for a student council race. My mother gave me this paper weight (which is still on my desk in my home to this date). The paper weight says: “Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.” When she gave me that, she explained that I had to learn how to work “with” people – not “through” people. She said that even if I did know the answer to a problem – it did no good if no one else believed me. That advice helped me win the election and it has helped me many times throughout my life. I have to admit that I don’t always use it as well as I can – however, when I do use it, things almost always go more smoothly.

The bottom line is this: being right doesn’t help much if no one is willing to follow you.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Maybe you can share a story . . . but, remember to keep it positive. Let’s focus on positive outcomes more than just horror stories.

9Jun2014

Got Business Goals?–Connect with Those Who Can Help You!string(62) "Got Business Goals?–Connect with Those Who Can Help You!"

June 9, 2014

Ivan Misner

business goals, meeting people, Networking Building Relationships, Business, Collaboration, Connections, Goals, Growth, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Success, Word of Mouth 2

Last week I posted a blog on how to meet the right people and I focused on explaining how to meet people who serve the same professional client as you. Today, I’d like to continue this discussion but I’d like to focus specifically on how to meet people who can help you meet your business goals.

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First off, if you haven’t set business goals then let’s stop right here–you need to make that your top priority this week! If you do have business goals, don’t let them collect dust on your bulletin board or get covered up in your drawer. Make it a point to review them each month. Choose a goal. The big question you need to ask yourself is “Who do I need to meet to help me accomplish this goal?”

It’s tough to make it alone in today’s competitive business environment. Even the biggest sports stars or governmental candidates can’t reach their goals alone–so why should we try to go it alone? Let’s say that one of your business goals this year is to write an article for a local paper. How would you network your way to achieving that goal? Well, first, you would start reading the paper. You’d find out who writes the articles, who writes for other papers in your area, who the editors are, etc. Then you would get the word out to your own network as there’s a fair chance it includes someone who could put you in contact with the right individual. You would let it be known that you wanted to meet writers, editors, and others working for local papers so you could gain insight and knowledge into how they accomplished something you were aspiring to do–you would also let it be known that you were in no way intending to try to sell to these people.

You would also look for networking events sponsored by these publications. You’d probably find staff members there providing support and you’d want to focus on meeting and speaking with the right people–professionals connected with the publication–again, with the intention of learning how to write an article for your local business paper. No matter what your goal is, writing and publishing an article or otherwise, if you network with the people who have the experience and connections to guide you toward your goal, you will be well on your way to accomplishing it.

Another example of this strategy is to think of the people involved in the six degrees of separation study. They had a goal to achieve . . . to get a package to a specific person whom they did not know. I would venture to suspect that the successful people in the study began by scouring their network for the right people who could help them accomplish this goal. Choosing anyone and everyone would have increased the links along the way . . . which was obviously the strategy of the 71% of the people who never connected at all.

In summary, remember: When you’re considering asking someone in your personal network for a favor, ask yourself whether she’s simply a contact or an actual established connection. Avoid the trap of having unrealistic expectations of your network, such as support that your contacts may feel you don’t deserve. You have to earn the loyalty and engagement of your referral sources. Your current goal has two parts: (1) to meet the right people, and (2) to develop deep relationships with them over time.

So, to help you pinpoint who you should be focusing on meeting the next time you’re at a networking event, make a list of the following:

5 professions (other than your own) that serve your preferred client market
2 business goals of yours
2 individuals you might seek out for help in accomplishing goal #1 and 2 individuals who might help you meet goal #2

How do you feel about the list you came up with? Do you find it helpful? Does it give you a clearer picture of where you want your business to go and who you should focus on meeting in order to steer your business in that direction? I’d love to get your feedback on this so please leave your thoughts in the comment forum below. Thanks!

2Jun2014

How to Meet the RIGHT Peoplestring(28) "How to Meet the RIGHT People"

A networking event is not–I repeat not–designed to bring strangers together for the purpose of referring themselves to one another. Why would you refer yourself to someone you barely know? A typical networking event is designed to have people who don’t know one another meet and mingle. But for a networking event to be fully productive for you, you must meet the right people for the right reasons. Meeting the right people will make a positive impact on your business and give you a high return on your networking investment.

Image courtesy of jannoon028 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So, at a networking event, how exactly do you identify the right people to meet? You do this by considering two types of individuals: those serving your preferred clients and those who have the potential to help you meet your business goals. Today I’d like to focus on looking at those who serve the same professional client as you. “Hey, aren’t those folks likely to be my competitors?” you might wonder. Not necessarily.

Consider these two examples:

Lorraine is a real estate agent whose preferred clients are retired home owners or empty nesters with assets over $1 million, who love to travel, are country club members, and seriously pamper their pets. Other suppliers for their services might include high-end salons and spas, professional landscapers, financial advisors, country club owners, travel agents, home-cleaning service providers, and pet resorts.
Tanya is the owner of a direct-mail company that targets colleges and universities. When Tanya could not determine who else serviced the decision makers at the university, her marketing coach asked her if she had a current client in that preferred market. She said yes. Then she was asked, “How well do you know her? Will she take your call? Would she grant you thirty minutes of her time?” Tanya emphatically replied, “Yes!” Her coach then suggested that she schedule a purposeful meeting and sit down with her to pick her brain on who she grants her time to and who else supports her needs.

Your preferred clients have many suppliers for their needs and it could be in your best interest to connect and build relationships with those other suppliers so, when networking, you want to focus on meeting these people. The answers to the questions that were asked of Tanya helped direct her to the people she should be searching for while networking. You can gain the same benefit by having a similar conversation with one of your preferred clients and asking questions like these: “Who else solves your daily problems?” ; “Who do you allow in the door?” ; “What companies do you call on when you need (product)?” ; “Whom do you trust when it comes to helping you (type of service)?”

At networking events, look for name tags that fit specific professional categories you’re seeking to cultivate. If you meet a professional who services your preferred client–and you like the individual as a person–consider this the first step in building a new relationship. If you build a trusting and giving relationship with someone who provides services for your preferred client market, it stands to reason that your referral potential will increase dramatically. Remember that in a true tri-win (that’s win-win-win) relationship, that person’s referral potential will also increase, and the client will get the best service possible.

Be sure to come back next week as I’ll be posting specifically about the other types of people you want to focus on meeting while networking–those who can help you meet your business goals.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear any stories you may have about how you successfully built a relationship with someone who serves the same professional client as you do and how that relationship has benefited you and/or the other service provider . Please share your experiences in the comment forum below–thanks!

15May2014

When Is It Appropriate to Ask for a Favor?string(42) "When Is It Appropriate to Ask for a Favor?"

May 15, 2014

Ivan Misner

Alex Mandossian, business relationships, Favors Building Relationships, Business, Collaboration, Connections, Credibility, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Social Capital 2

In this video, I discuss how to identify and prepare for the appropriate time to ask for a favor within the context of a business relationship.

I explain how the concept of social capital is a key factor when it comes to asking favors and I tell a personal story where a business associate of mine named Alex went about building social capital with me in the absolute perfect way.

Watch the video now to learn the ONE thing you need to have with someone before you ask a favor of them and, also, how to spot when it would be a big mistake for you say yes to favors when you’re asked to do them by other people.

Do you have a story about how you built social capital with someone in a great way, how someone else built social capital with you in a memorable way, or how someone asked you for a favor when it wasn’t the right time? I’d love to hear these stories as well as any other stories you might have that are related to this topic. Please share them in the comment forum below–thanks!

27Feb2014

What Dog Sled Teams Can Teach Us About Leadershipstring(49) "What Dog Sled Teams Can Teach Us About Leadership"

February 27, 2014

Ivan Misner

Behavior, Dog Sled Teams, Great Leaders, Ice Hotel, Leadership, performance, Sweden, Team Beth Misner, Collaboration, Leadership, Video Blog 3

My wife Beth and I had the opportunity to experience a dog-sled excursion while visiting the Ice Hotel in Sweden last year. While waiting to get onto the sleds and take off across the frozen river, we observed a very interesting behavior being exhibited by the lead dogs in each dog team.

Virtually all of the dogs in the pack were leaping and straining against their harnesses, barking, yipping, howling and generally making quite a ruckus. However, Beth and I noticed that the lead pair in front of each of the sled teams was quietly sitting very still, keeping a close eye on the mushers. There may have been the occasional woof from one of the lead dogs, but they were mainly on full alert, silent, and attentive, waiting for the signal that it was time to move.

Non-Lead Pack Dogs

I sat there for many minutes watching and marveling at this dynamic (click on the video above to view it for yourself). It struck me that this was a great metaphor for leadership in general. The lead dogs were observing and mostly silent despite the fact that all around them the rest of the pack was constantly barking, pulling, and straining on the lines. The lead pair in each team had a single-minded focus: wait for the signal so that they could lead the pack out onto the trail.

Lead Dogs

Great leaders often do something similar. In business sometimes people get excited about something or other and begin to strain and pull, noisily expressing their desire to move in a certain direction or take a specific action, NOW. Sometimes they do it very aggressively. However, a good leader remains alert and attentive, not overreacting to the chaos all around them. They wait for the right time and the right cue to move forward. They are ready to lead the team in the right direction for optimum success. Good leaders respect the process and provide trustworthy leadership in the work environment. They know the right time to move ahead and the right time to sit tight. They know the difference, because they, or someone they trust, have been over these trails many times before. The team may get excited, anxious or even demanding, and still these strong leaders remain steady and calm.

We noticed another thing on that sled ride. When the lead dogs stood up and prepared to respond to the musher’s cue to run, the rest of the pack got quiet and settled down. They knew it was time to get to business. They were ready to pull in the same direction. When a team is pulling in the same direction, following a strong and calm leader who is observing the cues from others or following cues from his/her own experience, the path of the team will be true and sound.

I had the realization that this metaphor really is perfect for business. Although any leader may “bark” from time to time, it is the strong, calm, and confident leader that is best at getting a team to follow. The quality of the leader often determines the performance of the team.

Are there other characteristics and traits that you feel make a great leader or that you have witnessed in a highly effective leader? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this so please share your feedback in the comment forum below. Thanks!

17Feb2014

5 Key Things You & Your Referral Partners Must Know about One Anotherstring(74) "5 Key Things You & Your Referral Partners Must Know about One Another"

So often, I see people who are frustrated about not getting more business referred to them. After all, they say, isn’t that what business networking is all about?

What many of these people don’t seem to realize, however, is that they need to actively share information (5 key things, in particular) about themselves with the right people before they can expect to have business referred to them by the people in others’ networks.

The fact is, it’s not enough that you’re great at what you do and can offer a lot of value to new clients. To win referrals from networking, you need to ensure that your contacts have all the necessary information about you and your skills so they can go out and persuade third parties to come and purchase your product or service. It’s amazing how many people fail to recognize this.

There are actually five key things that are essential for the members of your network to know about you before you can expect them to refer business your way. Equally, you need to know these same five things about them so you can reciprocate.

I call this process of reciprocal sharing of information the GAINS exchange, based on the first letter of each of the five essential informational points—Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Networks, and Skills:

Goals: What are the objectives that are important to you; what are the problems you want to solve? Not just financial and business goals, but also personal and educational objectives.
Accomplishments: What big projects have you completed in business or as an employee? What are your accomplishments as a student or parent?
Interests: What are the things you really enjoy doing? The music you like to listen to, the hobbies you spend time on, the sports you like to play or watch? People are more willing to spend time with people they share interests with.
Networks: Each of your contacts is a part of many networks. Do you know what these are, how big they are? Each of us has the potential to connect with hundreds or thousands of people if we cultivate these resources.
Skills: What do you do especially well? What are the professional areas in which you excel? Don’t be afraid to share this information with your contacts, and learn about the talents and abilities of the people in your network as well.

These are not mysterious pieces of information. They are facts we are exposed to every day, if we look for them.

By remembering the GAINS exchange, you can make sure you don’t overlook this essential information about your networking contacts. Is there an additional piece of information you make a habit of giving and getting when it comes to networking relationships? If so, what is it and how have you found it to be effective? I’d love to hear your ideas and experiences so please share your feedback in the comment forum below—thanks!

19Dec2013

New International Networking Week® Video for 2014string(50) "New International Networking Week® Video for 2014"

December 19, 2013

Ivan Misner

2014, BNI, February 3-7, Stewart Emery, Success Built to Last, Who's In Your Room Announcement, Building Relationships, Business, Collaboration, Community, Connections, Global Business, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Referral Institute, Relationships 3

The new video for International Networking Week® 2014 has just been released!

This short, six-and-a-half-minute video, sponsored by the Referral Institute, explains how the week of February 3rd-7th, 2014 will bring about great opportunities for businesspeople around the world and increase worldwide awareness about the powerful benefits of business networking.

2014 will mark the 8th annual celebration of International Networking Week which is now recognized by many countries across the globe, with thousands of events being held during the week. One of the main goals of the week is to help businesspeople everywhere build their networking skills and expand the opportunities within their reach. In the video, I talk about Stewart Emery’s “Who’s in Your Room?” concept within a networking context and how International Networking Week presents a great opportunity to reassess the people currently in your life and reach out to people who you want in your ‘room’ but may have lost contact with or need to build a relationship with.

I hope you enjoy the video and that you’re as excited as I am about participating in the global celebration of International Networking Week come February. After watching the video, please share your thoughts on it, and on International Networking Week in general, in the comment forum below. I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks!

16Dec2013

For Long Term Networking Payoff, Take Small Steps . . .string(55) "For Long Term Networking Payoff, Take Small Steps . . ."

December 16, 2013

Ivan Misner

Building Relationships, payoff, Small Steps, Strategic Alliances Building Relationships, Business, Collaboration, Connections, Growth, Marketing/Sales, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Profitability, Relationships, Strategy, Success

A few years back, I was speaking to a friend of mine who is a partner in an international consulting and training company. We discovered that we had a mutual acquaintance who is a bestselling author and fairly well-known speaker. In our discussion, we found out that he had contacted each of us individually to see if there were any possibilities for some type of strategic alliance with our companies.

We were both open to that possibility but couldn’t see any immediate and dramatic way our companies could link up with his and do any specific projects at that time. Both of us were also a bit amused to then discover that we were summarily “dropped” from his radar (no response to e-mails or other attempts to connect) after that.

We got the sense that he was looking for the one big alliance that would help his company soar to the next level. That realization started a conversation about the difference in the relationship between the two of us.

Ironically, we had had the same type of phone call with each other just 18 months earlier and came to the same conclusion. There was nothing on a grand scale we could do together at that moment. The difference, however, was the rest of the story.

We agreed to stay in touch. And then we did. We connected several times over the year and met in person on several occasions. During that time, we found some simple ways to help each other and gradually enhanced the relationship. This was in sharp contrast to the third party we had talked to individually. When this person didn’t see any big payoff, we became persona non grata to him. On the other hand, the two of us found ways to help each other gradually and, even to this day, continue to build on our relationship.

We came to the conclusion that most people who are successful at networking and creating strong strategic alliances view the process as a series of small actions taken with many people to create a long-term positive growth for your company. The process is more of a marathon than a sprint. Throughout the race, you form alliances and help each other over the long haul.

Have you had a similar experience? If so, how has this played out in your business? Please share your thoughts in the comment forum below. Thanks!

7Nov2013

Building Social Capital Is the Groundwork for Future Payoffstring(59) "Building Social Capital Is the Groundwork for Future Payoff"

In a video blog I posted recently, I talk about the Law of Reciprocity which is one aspect of social capital theory. In today’s video, I specifically address what social capital is and why investing in social capital is one of the best investments you can make in order to secure future success for yourself and others with whom you network.

My friend Alex, whom I mention in this video, is a master at building social capital and there isn’t a person who knows him who wouldn’t help him in an instant in any way they could if he asked them to. Alex has an expansive support system comprised of a diverse array of people who are all willing and eager to help him succeed and it’s all because he dedicates himself 100% to investing in the relationships he builds with those around him. If you could use a support system like Alex has (which I already know you could because we ALL could), then start creating ways to build social capital with those in your network at every opportunity.

Perhaps you’ve already got a story about social capital that’s similar to the one I share in this video about Alex, or a story about how you’ve built great social capital with someone who is now just itching to help you in any way they can. If so, please go to www.SubmitYourNetworkingStory.com and share your story for consideration of inclusion in the upcoming networking book I’m writing with Jack Canfield, and Gautam Ganglani. Also, I’d love for you to briefly summarize your story in the comment forum below as well. Thanks in advance for your participation!

17Oct2013

Successful Networkers Build Deep Relationships–Know Your Contactsstring(71) "Successful Networkers Build Deep Relationships–Know Your Contacts"

If your network is a mile wide and an inch deep, the fact is it will simply never be very powerful. In this video, I talk about why investing the time and effort into really getting to know your contacts and building deep, trusted relationships with them is key to networking success.

Do you know your contacts’ hobbies? Do you know their family members’ names? If your answer is no, this means you’re not delving beneath the surface with your contacts and you’re not building fruitful relationships–you need to get to know your contacts much better.

Watch this short video now to learn how to build deeper, mutually beneficial relationships by using the GAINS Exchange, get relationship-building success strategies used by international sales expert & keynote speaker Harvey Mackay, and more.

Do you have a method or a tactic for getting to know your contacts better which has really seemed to work for you? If so, please share it in the comment forum below. I’m always interested in the tactics that networkers around the world have successfully used to achieve networking success and I’d love to hear your thoughts!

30Sep2013

8 Questions to Ask Yourself When Considering a Sponsorship Opportunitystring(70) "8 Questions to Ask Yourself When Considering a Sponsorship Opportunity"

Local communities and organizations–be they service clubs or professional groups–depend on sponsorships to make ends meet at some of their events. This is also true for association trade shows and exhibitions. In most cases, the dollar amounts for sponsoring events of this sort are modest–ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars.

How many times have you been asked to be a sponsor? How many times have you offered to sponsor a select event in order to help out someone in your network? Both situations have the potential to give you huge exposure if done well. In addition, sponsoring an event for someone on your word-of-mouth marketing team enhances the relationship, because you are helping that person meet a goal.

When you consider which people you will network with and where, you’re being selective. Choose carefully, too, when you’re thinking about sponsoring an event. Is it a good investment of your time and money? Whether you’re being recruited or are volunteering, ask yourself the following questions before deciding . . .

What is the target market for this event?
What kind of exposure do I get for my investment?
Can I get this kind of exposure without this investment?
Do I get direct access to the audience?
Does it make sense for me to be there?
Which business or networking goal does it help me complete?
Are other sponsors my competitors?
How does this enhance my credibility with the person I’m helping?
Why wouldn’t I do it?

All of these questions help you determine the value of a sponsorship opportunity. Now, imagine one day being in charge of putting on a huge event. Suddenly, someone from your network steps forward to offer you a substantial sponsorship because she heard through the grapevine that your event needed money. How would you feel about that person? You can create that same feeling toward yourself in someone else by offering that exact gift. Be selective, and offer your support in person. In effect, you are making a tidy “deposit” in your relationship bank account. This act of generosity definitely comes back to you in time, but for now it simply nurtures the relationship by helping someone in your network meet her goals.

This week, think of the people in your network. Who do you know that is planning an event–a conference, an open house, a 10K fundraiser–who could use your financial support? To strengthen your relationship with this individual, offer as much help from your business as you can provide.

Have you sponsored an event in the past? If so, I’d love to hear about your experience and how it impacted your relationship with the person in charge of the event. Please share your story in the comment forum below. Thanks!

9Sep2013

‘Givers Gain’ Is a Standard, Not a Swordstring(52) "‘Givers Gain’ Is a Standard, Not a Sword"

September 9, 2013

Ivan Misner

Criticism, givers gain, Pointing Fingers, Standard, Sword Building Relationships, Collaboration, Connections, Givers Gain, Networking, Networking Prep, Networking Tactics, Rant!, Relationships, Strategy, Uncategorized 17

Givers Gain^® is a philosophy based on the law of reciprocity. In the context of networking groups, people who adopt this philosophy dedicate themselves to giving business to their fellow networkers rather than making their foremost concern getting business for themselves. In doing so, other people naturally become eager to repay their kindness by sending them business in return. Givers Gain is a great way to live life in general and it is a standard which we can all apply to ourselves—key word being “ourselves”; it is not a sword to be pointed at others who may not adopt the philosophy.

Unfortunately, I have seen the Givers Gain concept abused from time to time and, as you may have guessed, the reason I’m writing about it now is because I saw it abused quite recently. The entire concept gets misused when we start pointing a finger at others and saying things like, “Milton doesn’t have a Givers Gain attitude—he’s going about things all wrong.” What’s interesting is that when we say things like this about other people, it’s often because they’re not doing something we think they ought to be doing in business or life.

Again, Givers Gain is not a sword to wave around at people who aren’t doing what we think they should be doing. It is a standard we can apply to ourselves and ourselves only. Ironically, when we point our index finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at us—it’s a perfect reminder of whose actions and tactics we really need to be worrying about, don’t you think? Don’t be the person who tends to blame others for their woes instead of focusing on their own behavior.

People who criticize and point fingers at others can be very caustic, which is one of the reasons it is important to be really selective about the people you surround yourself with (especially in the context of networking groups). That said, there will undoubtedly still be people in our lives who are unendingly critical, judgmental, and just plain vitriolic. I know I certainly have a couple of them in my life, including one person in particular who appears to have made criticizing me his favorite pastime. They’re the people who love to talk about you, but who never actually talk to you about issues.

So, what do you do if you practice the Givers Gain philosophy in a sincere and consistent way, yet there is still someone waging a very personal attack on you? How do you respond when they start waving their interpretation of the Givers Gain concept in your face like a sword of criticism? The answer is simple—be yourself. Continue to apply the philosophy to yourself in every way you can. Vitriolic people are that way because they can’t control themselves. Maybe they’re basically angry, maybe they’ve had a difficult life—who knows? It doesn’t really matter because they are who they are and you can’t change them. As much as we’d all like to steer clear of these people, there will be times when it’s virtually impossible.

Telling someone they’re wrong about you never works (I know this from personal experience); they’ll just come at you even stronger. I can tell you what does work though. What really works is when somebody else stands up and says to the person who’s badmouthing you that they’re out of line, or that what they’re saying is simply not appropriate. It’s a little like a referral—nothing beats a third party endorsement . . . or, in this case, a third party defense.

Why am I bringing all this to light? Because, the fact is, you are going to find yourself around a vitriolic person at one time or another—someone who’s combative instead of collaborative, someone who’s saying horrible things about someone else—and I want to take this opportunity to strongly encourage you to stand tall and speak up.

Good people stand up when caustic people say bad things about others; and if you practice Givers Gain as your own personal standard, you already know that standing up for others will encourage others to stand up for you.

Do you have a story about an experience with a person who was criticizing you to others or other people to you? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your story, as well as your feedback on this blog post and on the Givers Gain concept in general. Please leave your thoughts in the comment forum below. Thanks!

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