lens

See the World Through The Lens You Choosestring(41) "See the World Through The Lens You Choose"

June 14, 2021
, , Behavioral Style, Characteristics, vision 8

Two people sitting in a room, at the same table, having the same meal at the same time, can actually be worlds apart. How? Because they look at the world through a different lens.

I love astronomy, and I’ve learned that by choosing different lenses or filters for my telescope, I observe different things in the night sky. By just changing the lens, the things I view can appear or disappear before my eyes. Objects can be overwhelmingly bright and painful to view or they can be a beautiful sight to behold. I believe our lives are similar. The lens we choose to see the world through can greatly influence the things we see and experience.

Years ago, I realized that I needed to evict people from my life because the lens they viewed the world through was negative, fearful, hurtful, and sometimes caustic. It was not the lens I chose.

Focus Your Lens, Change Your Words, and Inspire Your World

The first thing I realized when I came to this conclusion was that words matter. What you say about your world experience helps determine the world you live in and the people you attract into your world. What you put in your head shows up in your world. Whether you’re talking about an abundance mentality vs. a scarcity mentality, the law of attraction, or the glass being half full, words matter.

The most common example of this in my life involves my “being busy.” I talk to so many people who say, “You must be so busy.” I no longer say “yes” to that question. Today, I say, “I have a full life.” You can be busy — or you can have a full life.  Almost everyone says that their life is busy. But busy shouldn’t be a goal you pursue. Having a “full life” is a goal worth pursuing and having a “full life” brings me joy. Truly words matter.

Back in 2012, I was diagnosed with cancer. I never said to people, “I have cancer.” I always said I was “diagnosed” with cancer. It was my diagnosis; it was not who I was. It took a while but now, rather than saying that I am in remission, I prefer to say, “I am healthy”. Words matter.

Last year drove home my point. While everyone was talking about being in lockdown or quarantine, I spoke about experiencing the “Great Pause” in life. The pause button was pushed on all of our lives for over a year. I found that how people responded to the Great Pause made a tangible difference relating to their experience and their life. Those people who learned how to embrace that mentality, when possible, were much happier than those who were mired in the horror of the situation.

When my wife of 31 years passed away in 2020, it would have been easy to say I was horrible when people asked me how I was doing. But instead, I tried to reframe the grief I was experiencing into something that would allow me to have a different worldview. I’d answer friends by telling them that it is “one day at a time for me” or, “I’m putting one foot in front of the other.” Feeling horrible was the truth, but I also believed that living in that mental space would not help me through the difficult times. One day at a time, and one foot in front of the other, was the lens I chose to focus on. Even when you feel horrible, words matter.

We live in fearful times. I’ve learned people get frozen by fear or they get focused by fear. I propose that you get “focused by fear”. Focus on a lens that will help you see through the fog of chaos that surrounds you and look for the possible.

Look for the positive. Look for how to reframe your situation so you can deal most effectively with the hand you have been dealt. Choose the lens that you see the world through. And always remember that words matter.

introvert

I am an Introvertstring(17) "I am an Introvert"

March 15, 2021
, , , Announcement, Behavioral Style, Characteristics, Entrepreneur, Ivan Misner, personal story 2

Back in 2009, Elisabeth and I were sitting around the kitchen table talking when I made a comment about being an extrovert. She looked over at me and said, “Uhh, honey, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an introvert”. I smiled and said, “Yeah, sure, I am an extrovert”.  She then looked at me quite earnestly and said, “No, really you’re an introvert”. But, I am a public speaker and founder of the world’s largest networking organization.

I cannot be an introvert

Elisabeth insisted that I was an introvert. She proceeded to share with me all the ways that I have introverted tendencies.  All the examples she gave were true, but I still couldn’t believe I am an introvert.  On the other hand, we were married for over 20 years at that time. She knew me pretty well. Therefore, I found an online test to see where I was on the introvert-extrovert spectrum.  The test said that I am an “introvert / situational extrovert”. I was something of a loner who was reserved around strangers but very outgoing in the right context.

This revelation gave me the insight to improve how we network at BNI

  1. As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable meeting new people when networking. However, BNI uses a structured meeting agenda that enables our members to meet new people comfortably either online or in-person. Therefore, I feel more comfortable when meeting new people at a BNI meeting.
  2. As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable introducing myself at networking events.  However, I ask the local or national BNI Director to assign a liaison when I visit BNI events.  This person walks with me at the event and introduces me to as many people as possible.
  3. As an introvert, I am naturally uncomfortable circulating the room at networking events. However, I realized that volunteering to be one of my BNI chapter’s visitor hosts allowed me to circulate more comfortably during the meeting.  This led to the concept I used many times of “acting like the host, not the guest“. I recommend that article to all my fellow introverts out there who are also uncomfortable networking.

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, you can be good at networking.  Both have strengths and weaknesses. If you can find ways to enhance your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, anyone can be a great networker.

alienating

Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?string(43) "Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?"

November 29, 2018
, , Behavioral Style, Characteristics, Networking 2

Behavior is key when networking-it makes or breaks the connections, and ultimately, the relationships you build. I’ve spoken before about the differences between approachable or alienating behavior, but I want to take a deeper look into what qualifies behavior as alienating. You may watch this video and suddenly realize that the little nuances you may have passed off as nothing, are actually keeping you from successfully networking.

Here are four ways you may be alienating others when networking:

1. Negative Attitude: Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough without having to lament about it all the time. If you’re always complaining or focusing on the negative aspects of life, you’re going to turn people off.

2. Closed Off Body Language: There’s a great graphic in the video that will show you what closed off body language looks like, but basically it means standing in a way that only allows for a conversation to happen between two or three people. If you have a bored or scowled look on your face, people won’t want to approach you. Finally, do not cross your arms.

3. Incongruence: Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t talk a big talk and not back it up. This will lead people to become skeptical of your dependability-which is bad if you’re looking to gain trusted referral partners.

4. Not Acting Interested in People: Be interested more than interesting.  A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately.

If you’re still not sure you’re exhibiting these behaviors

Take a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next event and ask them to notice if you act in any of the above ways; you can do the same for them. Have an honest conversation afterward about what you both noticed and work out ways to improve your behavior. At the next event, try and be aware of yourself and the reactions you get when you change your behavior.

Are you approachable when it comes to mingling at networking events? You may not know that you are the one getting in your own way when it comes to meeting new people and kindling business relationships. But how can you really tell if you are approachable or alienating? Bring a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next networking event and observe each other’s body language, the tone of voice and words. Afterward, exchange constructive feedback with the intent of helping each other become better referral partners.

five ways to better networking

Five Ways To Better Networkingstring(30) "Five Ways To Better Networking"

September 13, 2018
, , , , , Characteristics, Collaboration, Follow up, Networking, Video Blog

Last year, I gathered almost 3,400 survey responses from business people around the world.   I gave them a list of almost 20 different characteristics on networking and I asked them to pick the top behaviors they’d like to see in a great networker.  From those responses, I have identified the top characteristics of what people believe makes a great networker and have listed the five ways to better networking in this video.

Good Listener.

At the top of the list is being a good listener.  Our success in networking depends on how well we can listen and learn. The faster you and your networking partner learn what you need to know about each other, the faster you’ll establish a valuable relationship. A good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately.  Listen to people’s needs and concerns and find opportunities to help them.  You can’t help others if you don’t know what they need, and you find that out by listening. In many ways, networking is about connecting the dots but to do that you have to listen so that you can help people make the connections they are looking for.

Positive attitude.

The first thing that people see from you is your attitude, how you take things in general. A consistently negative attitude makes people dislike you and drives away referrals; a positive attitude makes people want to associate and cooperate with you. Positive business professionals are like magnets.  Others want to be around them and will send their friends and family to them.

Helps Others/Collaborative.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.  Helping people shows that you care.  One survey respondent said that “people want to network with individuals who have a collaborative attitude.”  Helping others can be done in a variety of ways. For example, clip a helpful article and email it to someone. Furthermore, put them in touch with a person who can help them with a specific challenge.  Several respondents commented about not wanting to network with people who are “in it for themselves.” A willingness to collaborate and help others is essential. It builds trust and helps establish a strong relationship.

Sincere/Authentic.

You can offer the help, the thanks, the listening ear, but if you are not sincerely interested in the other person, they will know it!  Those who have developed successful networking skills convey their sincerity at every turn.  One respondent stated that “it’s all about the authenticity” that someone shows you.  We have all seen people who are seemingly good at networking but lack sincerity.  Faking it isn’t sustainable.

Follows Up.

If you offer opportunities, whether a simple piece of information, a special contact, or a qualified business referral, to someone who consistently fails to follow up, you’ll soon stop wasting your time with this person.  One respondent said that when it comes to networking, “the fortune lies in the follow up” and many people just “don’t follow up anymore.”

Click here to watch the video

greatest asset

How talking too much in class turned into my greatest assetstring(60) "How talking too much in class turned into my greatest asset"

August 20, 2018
, Ask Ivan, Behavioral Style, Characteristics, Conversation, Education, Ivan Misner, personal story, Productivity, Self Development, Storytelling

Those tendencies standing “in your way” can be “the way”‘ to success and can become your greatest asset. When I was in elementary school, I generally received good reports from my teachers. However, one thing that came up time and time again was a comment by almost all of my teachers: “Ivan talks too much in class.”

My mother had numerous conversations with me about this but to no avail. I figure that she thought my grades were pretty good and she generally liked to pick and choose her battles on issues. Consequently, she didn’t really push the matter, and so… I talked and talked and talked in class. It showed up on many of my report cards. My teachers felt that it was a problem for me in school. On the other hand, my mother didn’t give me much grief on the subject.

My Greatest Asset

My talking too much in class was thought of as a roadblock by my teachers. Candidly, at one point, they almost had me convinced that it was a problem. My mother — not so much. She didn’t see my talking as such a big issue and that gave me the freedom to be myself. True, I had to tone it down a bit — but it wasn’t drummed out of me. I am grateful for that because, despite the fact that some people thought that talking was blocking my way, the truth is — it would eventually become “the way” for my life.

While the teachers definitely felt that it was a roadblock to my learning, I think they may have been wrong on that. What my teachers saw as a problem ended up becoming an incredible asset. I talk a lot. I talk to individuals, small groups, middle size groups, large groups, and massive groups. Any way you cut it — I’m a talker. It is my greatest asset. My job today is to talk to people. In fact, I get paid to talk. I get paid a crazy number to talk to companies, associations, and organizations. I love to share ideas with people, I love to coach people, and most of all I love to inspire people. And to do that — I talk.

Over the years, I’ve learned that oftentimes, “What is in the way, becomes the way”.  

I believe the secret is to take the thing that is “in the way” and channel your efforts in a manner that makes that problem part of the solution. I have noticed that my wife, Elisabeth, has been able to channel what was in the way for her as a child and how powerfully that has served her. She was constantly being told that she was “too rebellious.” She had a very hard time doing things she was told she had to do just because an authority figure in life told her she must do them. Now when she was faced with a medical diagnosis and told by her medical doctor that there was only one path, her strong “rebellious” nature found another, more effective and gentle healing path. What was in her way has become her way!

Some of us do this unconsciously. However, imagine how impactful this paradigm could be if we were more conscious of it at work in our lives. I would encourage you to think about something you were told was “in the way” as part of your life? Has it “become the way” for you and your greatest asset? If so, how? For me — of the first things in my life that were in the way was that I talked too much in class. Looking back, I’d have to say it worked out pretty well. 

Four Behavior Styles

Four Behavior Styles (the video)string(32) "Four Behavior Styles (the video)"

March 22, 2018
, , , , Behavioral Styles, Characteristics, Classic Video, Garage to Global, Ivan Misner, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Video Blog 4

There are Four Behavior Styles you will find in others when you are networking. Do you know your behavioral style? Please watch this video to learn about these different styles.

In the book Room Full of Referrals which I co-wrote with Dr. Tony Alessandra and Dawn Lyons, we offer insight into the following four different behavioral styles:

Go-Getters: (Driven, Bold, Decisive, Strong Desire to Lead)

Promoters:   (Energetic, Outgoing, Fun-Loving, Positive, Talkative)

Nurturers:   (Patient, Helpful, Understanding, Sentimental, Reserved)

Examiners:   (Effective, Efficient, Thorough, Research-Oriented)

If you pay careful attention to the behavioral characteristics of others, you will improve how you communicate with them effectively by adapting to their style.

Networker

The Top Five Characteristics of a Great Networkerstring(49) "The Top Five Characteristics of a Great Networker"

April 27, 2017
Characteristics, Networking, Video Blog 6

Recently, I took the opportunity to gather almost 3,400 survey responses from business people around the world.   I gave them a list of almost 20 different characteristics on networking and I asked them to pick the top behaviors they’d like to see in a great networker.  From those responses, I have identified the top characteristics of what people believe makes a great networker and have listed them here in this video.

Good Listener.

At the top of the list is being a good listener.  Our success in networking depends on how well we can listen and learn. The faster you and your networking partner learn what you need to know about each other, the faster you’ll establish a valuable relationship. A good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately.  Listen to people’s needs and concerns and find opportunities to help them.  You can’t help others if you don’t know what they need, and you find that out by listening. In many ways, networking is about connecting the dots but to do that you have to listen so that you can help people make the connections they are looking for.

Positive attitude.

The first thing that people see from you is your attitude, how you take things in general. A consistently negative attitude makes people dislike you and drives away referrals; a positive attitude makes people want to associate and cooperate with you. Positive business professionals are like magnets.  Others want to be around them and will send their friends and family to them.

Helps Others/Collaborative.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.  Helping people shows that you care.  One survey respondent said that “people want to network with individuals who have a collaborative attitude.”  Helping others can be done in a variety of ways. For example, clip a helpful article and email it to someone. Furthermore, put them in touch with a person who can help them with a specific challenge.  Several respondents commented about not wanting to network with people who are “in it for themselves.” A willingness to collaborate and help others is essential. It builds trust and helps establish a strong relationship.

Sincere/Authentic.

You can offer the help, the thanks, the listening ear, but if you are not sincerely interested in the other person, they will know it!  Those who have developed successful networking skills convey their sincerity at every turn.  One respondent stated that “it’s all about the authenticity” that someone shows you.  We have all seen people who are seemingly good at networking but lack sincerity.  Faking it isn’t sustainable.

Follows Up.

If you offer opportunities, whether a simple piece of information, a special contact, or a qualified business referral, to someone who consistently fails to follow up, you’ll soon stop wasting your time with this person.  One respondent said that when it comes to networking, “the fortune lies in the follow up” and many people just “don’t follow up anymore.”

Click here to watch the video

Four Behavior Styles

The Four Behavioral Styles (the video)string(38) "The Four Behavioral Styles (the video)"

March 16, 2017
, , , , , , , , , Behavioral Styles, Characteristics, Ivan Misner, Networking Tactics, Relationships, Video Blog 4

There are Four Behavioral Styles you will find in others when you are networking. Do you know your behavioral style? Please watch this video to learn about these different styles.

In the book Room Full of Referrals which I co-wrote with Dr. Tony Alessandra and Dawn Lyons, we offer insight into the following four different behavioral styles:

Go-Getters: (Driven, Bold, Decisive, Strong Desire to Lead)

Promoters:   (Energetic, Outgoing, Fun-Loving, Positive, Talkative)

Nurturers:   (Patient, Helpful, Understanding, Sentimental, Reserved)

Examiners:   (Effective, Efficient, Thorough, Research-Oriented)

If you pay careful attention to the behavioral characteristics of others, you will improve how you communicate with them effectively by adapting to their style.

Top Characteristics

The Top Characteristics of a Great Networker (pt 2)string(51) "The Top Characteristics of a Great Networker (pt 2)"

March 6, 2017
Characteristics, Networking, Networking Tactics, Survey 1

Recently, I took the opportunity to gather almost 3,400 survey responses from business people around the world.   I gave them a list of almost 20 different characteristics on networking and I asked them to pick the top behaviors they’d like to see.  From those responses, I have identified the top characteristics of what people believe makes a great networker and have listed them here. Each one of the characteristics below ties into the notion of “farming” not “hunting.”  It’s about building mutually beneficial business relationships. Only then will you succeed in creating a powerful, personal network.

  1. Sincere/Authentic. You can offer the help, the thanks, the listening ear, but if you are not sincerely interested in the other person, they will know it!  Those who have developed successful networking skills convey their sincerity at every turn.  One respondent stated that “it’s all about the authenticity” that someone shows you.  We have all seen people who are seemingly good at networking but lack sincerity.  Faking it isn’t sustainable.
  1. Follows Up. If you offer opportunities, whether a simple piece of information, a special contact, or a qualified business referral, to someone who consistently fails to follow up, you’ll soon stop wasting your time with this person.  One respondent said that when it comes to networking, “the fortune lies in the follow up” and many people just “don’t follow up anymore.”
  1. Trustworthy. One respondent said best when she said: “it doesn’t matter how successful the person is, if I don’t trust them, I don’t work with them.” When you refer someone you are putting your reputation on the line. You have to be able to trust your referral partner and be trusted in return. Neither you nor anyone else will refer a contact to someone who can’t be trusted to handle it well.
  1. Approachable. One respondent said that people “will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel”. Effective networking starts with approachability – everything else listed above follows from this.

As a young man, I studied under Warren Bennis, who was at the time, the world’s leading expert on leadership.  He taught me that understanding the “characteristics” of a great leader is important.  However, what is even more important, is understanding how to apply those characteristics.  He told me; “know what you are good at and work to enhance those skills.  Know what you’re not good at and surround yourself with people who can help you improve those skills”. 

As with leadership, I believe that networking skills are very important.  What’s even more important, however, is working to improve them and learning how to use them effectively.  That’s what really counts.

What are the Top Three Characteristics?

Check out my blog from January for the top three characteristics of what people believe makes a great networker.

The Top Characteristics of a Great Networker (pt 1)