Business Networking and Sex | Dr. Ivan Misner®

11Aug2022

Transactional or Relational Networking?string(39) "Transactional or Relational Networking?"

August 11, 2022

business networking, Relational Networking BNI, Business Networking and Sex, Networking, Relational Networking, Transactional

When it comes to successful business networking, it is important to recognize the difference between a transactional approach and a relational approach.

My book, “Business Networking and Sex (not what you think),” is based on a survey of 12,000 people from which we found that women and men DO network differently. I share more about it in this short video.

This video is part of my Master Class from the BNI® 2021 Global Convention.

Which is Better?

As your heard in the video, the survey of 12,000 people found that men tend to focus more on transactions than relationships, and women tend to be more relational in the way they approach business networking.

However, it also showed that all people who focused first on building relationships and then on business scored higher in success. When you are focused only on making a sale and completing the transaction, you are never going to create the trust and build the relationship that is needed to generate the business referrals you seek.

My Experience

My personal tendency is to just go for the facts, and that is not an effective networking practice. It has taken many years for me to learn how to ask questions to find out more about the other person and to be more relational in the conversation.

Successful business networking takes both a mindset – a mental attitude, AND a skillset – a collection of abilities. When you network in a relational way by building connections with other people, you are going to generate more business. Remember, if your network is a mile wide but only an inch deep, it will never be a powerful network. It needs to be both WIDE and, in some places, very DEEP.

What is your experience? Have you found success through the business relationships you’ve built?

Related Blog Posts:

Networking Is All About Referrals

Yes, it is true that networking IS all about referrals…

Is Your Network a Mile Wide But an Inch Deep?

Is your personal network deep…

17Apr2014

Simple, Compound, & Complex Referralsstring(42) "Simple, Compound, & Complex Referrals"

April 17, 2014

Ivan Misner

Complex Referrals, Compound Referrals, Referrals, Simple Referrals, The Ultimate Referral Author, Book, Business, Business Networking and Sex, Networking, Networking Prep, Online Networking, Referral Institute, Referrals, Success 2

In this video, filmed at a business networking conference in Nashville just last week, I talk to my very good friend and Business Networking and Sex Co-author, Frank De Raffele, about the difference between simple, compound, & complex referrals.

Frank explains the importance of understanding that there’s a certain amount of time and energy spent correlating to each different type of referral and that there is, indeed, one type of referral that is considered the ‘ultimate’ referral–the type of referral that we’re all ideally searching for.

Watch the video now to learn the difference between these three types of referrals and to learn what it takes to achieve the ‘ultimate’ referral. After watching the video and learning to differentiate between the referral types, I’d love for you to share which type of referral category that either the last referral you gave or received fell under and the story behind you giving or receiving the referral. Please share your story in the comment forum below–thanks!

18Mar2013

The “Everything Your Business Needs” Online Event: April 1st-5thstring(76) "The “Everything Your Business Needs” Online Event: April 1st-5th"

March 18, 2013

Ivan Misner

Dynasty Web Solutions, education, Everything Your Business Needs, growing business, Jarrett Gucci, Online Event, training Announcement, Business, Business Networking and Sex, Educational Resources, Event, Global Business, Ivan Misner, Success 1

I’m excited to announce that during April 1st-5th, I am going to be participating in an online event called “Everything Your Business Needs” and I’ll be one of over twenty business experts presenting on an array of topics and areas of business that are important for every business owner to educate themselves in.

This short video, put together by the event organizer, Jarrett Gucci of Dynasty Web Solutions (who also happens to be the person I have to thank for designing the BusinessNetworking.com website and getting this blog up and running) explains the ins and outs of the event and how it can help business owners grow their business and achieve long term success.

I constantly tell people that in order to obtain success, it is necessary to immerse and engage yourself in a culture of learning and this online educational seminar is a perfect way to do just that. After watching the video, if you’re interested in finding out more about the event and how you can sign up for it, please CLICK HERE or on the graphic below.

What are some of the ways you immerse and engage yourself in a culture of learning for long term success? Which tactics of educating yourself have been the most effective? I’d love to hear your thoughts so please leave your comments in the comment forum below. Thanks!

15Oct2012

NetTime: How Much Time Should You Spend Networking?string(51) "NetTime: How Much Time Should You Spend Networking?"

The secret to getting more business through networking is. . . spending more time doing it! OK, well, it’s a little more complicated than that because you have to spend time doing the right things. However, devoting the necessary time is the starting point. So how much networking time (or NetTime) should you spend developing your personal network and what kind of results can you expect to see?

Based on a survey that I helped to write and conduct of over 12,000 business professionals from every populated continent in the world, we finally have a definitive answer to those questions. The study found that people who said “networking played a role” in their success spent an average of 6.3 hours a week participating in networking activities. On the other hand, the majority of people who claimed that “networking did NOT play a role” in their success spent only 2 hours or less per week developing their network.

Clearly, those people who spent very little time engaged in the process felt that networking was not an effective way to build their business. As with many other aspects of life, you clearly reap what you sow. It’s no wonder that the people who didn’t invest as much time also did not realize as much reward. This demonstrates the direct correlation between the amount of time you devote to the networking process and the degree of success that you will likely realize from it.

The typical person in the survey who spent a little over six hours a week networking generated almost 47 percent of all their business through referrals and networking activities. Of the 12,000 global participants in the survey, women spent less time networking (6.19 hours compared to 6.44 for men), yet generated a higher percentage of their business through the process (49.44 percent compared to 43.96 percent for men).

Why would women spend less time and get a higher percentage of their business from referrals than men? Well, we discovered that men tended to be more transactional in their networking activities. That is they were more likely than women to be focused on the “business first and the relationship second.” On the other hand, women were more likely to be relational in their networking activities. In other words, they were more likely than men to “focus on the relationship first and do the business second.”

An emphasis on relationships first was clearly and undeniably a key factor in determining whether people were going to identify networking as having played a role in their success. When we looked at the responses from all the participants who said that networking had played a role in their success and then compared them to those people who focus on relationships first, we discovered that the majority of respondents who felt they’ve achieved success through networking also felt that it was better to build the relationship first and then focus on the business. Consequently, regardless of gender, business professionals who focused on the relationship first and the business second tended to do better than those business people who focused on the business first.

In other words, relationships beat transactions when it came to networking. The reason that women seem to have done better in the global study was that women tended to be more relational then men.

Those who skip the relationship building and attempt to establish an “all business” interaction often discover that trust and goodwill are more than just window dressing – they are part of the social capital that energizes a mutually rewarding business relationship. People who bypass relationship building are more likely to feel that networking has not contributed to their success, and they are probably right – because they’re doing it wrong or at least not doing it enough.

You may be reading this article and thinking – OK, I now know that I need to be spending at least 6 ½ hours a week networking. Well, that’s true IF you want to be average (and what successful business person wants to be average)! If on the other hand, you’d like to be above average – you need to devote more time than that to the cause. The optimum amount of NetTime is more likely to be 8-10 hours a week if you want to be one of those people that are generating well over half their business from referrals.

How much NetTime do you spend each week? More? Less? and what percentage of business (total) do you get from your networking efforts? Comment below.

2Jul2012

Want to Achieve Networking Success with the Opposite Sex?–Advice for Women & Menstring(91) "Want to Achieve Networking Success with the Opposite Sex?–Advice for Women & Men"

Last week I posted a summary of the conclusions my Business Networking and Sex co-authors and I came to after surveying over 12,000 people and conducting months of research. I promised that this week I would post advice for both women and men in achieving networking success with the opposite sex so below I’ve outlined some key tips Frank De Raffele, Hazel Walker, and I put together.

We Say . . .

We’re all trying to get to the same place. It will be much more profitable for all of us if we can help each other along the way. Here are a few things to guide your success in networking with the complementary gender:

For the Ladies

Don’t get stuck in the credibility phase of the VCP Process®. Ask for what you want.
When asking for help, communicate clearly exactly what it is that you want.
Make time for networking.
When speaking to men, try to impress them and share your accomplishments.
When spoken to inappropriately, speak up about it immediately.
Dress for business at business events.
Put systems in place to track your business.
Stay in contact with and follow up on leads, referrals, and acquaintances made.
Diversify your networks.
Remember that networking is ultimately about getting business, so ask for both business and referrals.
Convey an image to others that you are a serious businessperson, in all that you do.
Get educated about referral systems.
Don’t lump all men into the same group.

For the Guys

Slow down and build the relationship.
Work through the VCP Process® in the proper order of its phases. Don’t race through the credibility phase.
Make and maintain eye contact.
Listen and ask relational questions.
Don’t assume that women don’t take their business seriously.
Don’t hit on women at networking events.
Edit what you are about to say, using filters to sift out what is not business appropriate.
Stay in contact with and follow up on leads, referrals, and acquaintances made.
Stay informed about the best, most current, and cutting-edge networking practices.
Develop and use systems for your networking activities.
Make time for networking.
Speak to relate, not just to impress.
Remember that women are at networking events for business gain, just as you are.

The difference between the genders when it comes to networking is a great advantage, not a disadvantage. By following the tips we have outlined above, you should be able to develop more productive relationships with members of both sexes. Also, be sure to visit www.BusinessNetworkingAndSex.com if you would like to follow the latest developments on the subject of business networking and the genders.

25Jun2012

Survey Says: Summarized Conclusions about Business Networking & Genderstring(75) "Survey Says: Summarized Conclusions about Business Networking & Gender"

What have my co-authors and I concluded after 12,000 individual surveys, almost 1,000 comments and stories, numerous interviews, months of research, and years of experience? Below is a recap of the facts we uncovered.

Study Findings, Summarized

91.4% of the respondents said that “networking has played a role in their success.”
Men and women were closer together than we expected in most areas.
However, the perception of the difference is very dramatic. Remember: The exception becomes the perception.
Women feel that networking has played a slightly larger role in their success than men.
Women use a much wider variety of techniques to learn their networking skills than men do.
Men are more likely to focus on business first than women are. Women are a little more likely to focus on building the relationship first–then the business.
The time of day for networking was not a big issue for either gender. This was a surprise to us.
Family obligations were more of a problem for women.
Women definitely did not feel as safe as men in attending evening events.
Men preferred either a structured or unstructured networking event. Women felt okay with either.
Both men and women felt that other people were more uncomfortable networking than they felt about it themselves.
Men felt stronger about transactional aspects of networking. Women felt stronger about relational aspects of networking.
Men spent a little more time networking.
Women received a higher percentage of their business from networking than men.
The more time either men or women spent in their networking efforts, the higher the percentage of business they generated.
The more often people used systems to track their business from networking, the more likely they were to feel that networking played a role in their success.

Men and women are not so different in the success they desire in business and networking. However, the process, the mindset, and the way of making the results happen are very different. The reason is that we have different ways of viewing the world. Some of this comes from nature and some from nurture. What it means is that if we want to be more effective, we must learn how to respect, appreciate, and embrace one another’s differences. We must understand that we can work more effectively together as a team in business and in our networks. We just need to learn to be adaptable, empathetic, sensitive, and understanding that THEY are not you.

You can and will beat the odds. The exception doesn’t have to become the perception. It can be you!

Come back next week for some advice from the whole team of Business Networking and Sex co-authors–these tips will help you achieve your highest potential when it comes to networking and guide you into your brightest future in referral marketing.

21Jun2012

My ‘Business Networking and Sex’ Epiphanystring(53) "My ‘Business Networking and Sex’ Epiphany"

June 21, 2012

Ivan Misner

Book Research, education, Epiphany, Hazel Walker, Learning Author, Book, Building Relationships, Business, Business Networking and Sex, Gender, Networking, Relationships, Video Blog 3

In this video, Hazel Walker, one of my Business Networking and Sex co-authors, asks me what I learned from the research we conducted for the book and, specifically, what my biggest epiphany was.

I explain the answer that really blew me away and caused me to come to a major realization when I was interviewing someone prior to writing the book. I’m telling you, no matter how much you may learn about networking, there’s always more to learn!

11Jun2012

People Hate to Network… Not!string(34) "People Hate to Network… Not!"

June 11, 2012

Ivan Misner

Book Data, cold calling, Comfortable Networking, Dislike of Networking, Generating Business, I'm Better at This Than Others Effect, Proximity Effect, research, Study, Uncomfortable Networking Book, Business Networking and Sex, Networking, Statistics / Data, Survey 1

I was recently contacted by a reporter from a major U.S. national newspaper who said:

“I was wondering if you might be able to point me in the direction of some research that says that many people don’t like networking? I see that concept cited all over the web, but I can’t find anyone who has actually conducted a survey or done some sort of study to back it up.”

I sent her the chart in this blog, which comes from the research I did for the book: Business Networking And Sex, (not what you think). She was very surprised by these results. She said that she had always heard that people didn’t like to network and so she assumed it was true.

As you can see in the graph, over 57% of the respondents were comfortable or loved to network! Only 37% or just somewhat comfortable networking and less than 6% were uncomfortable or did not like networking. This is substantially different than the impression the news reporter had about the process.

I think there may be two reasons why she may have believed that most people don’t like to network.

The “proximity effect.” People tend to take on some of the beliefs of people that they hang out with. Newspaper writers ‘tend’ to be around other writers and editors. They generally do not hang out with sales people and entrepreneurs. However, it is the small business person that is out there selling and networking. The writer is writing about people she doesn’t tend to be with all the time and may get a point of view about networking from other people – not entrepreneurs.
The “I’m better at this than others effect.” One of the things we learned in doing the research for this book was that most people think “they” are better at networking than “other” people. This tends to create a belief that other people may not like it because they surely are awkward and poor at it (more to come on a future blog about this topic).

The bottom line is that the majority of business people do like to network or are somewhat comfortable networking. It is a powerful way to generate business and it sure is a whole lot more interesting than cold-calling!

How about you – do you hate to network, love to network, or something in between???

31May2012

Women Are the New Menstring(21) "Women Are the New Men"

I was recently interviewed by Bill Moller on the “First Business” news show about men and women in business.

The host said that “women are the new men.” It’s an odd statement, I know, but I promise that if you take a mere three minutes out of your day to watch this video clip of the interview, you’ll understand what he means by this and you might not think it’s such an odd statement after all.

I came to the conclusions I talk about in this interview based on many recent statistics and findings by esteemed business publications and I think it’s a really interesting and noteworthy topic. What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree? Disagree? . . . I’d love to hear your input so, by all means, please leave your thoughts in the comments section.

28May2012

No Knight in Shining Armor?string(27) "No Knight in Shining Armor?"

May 28, 2012

Ivan Misner

Building Relationships, business networking Author, Book, Business Networking and Sex, Conversation, Gender, Uncategorized 7

This blog is an excerpt from the book Business Networking and Sex (not what you think), the book I co-authored with Frank De Raffele and Hazel Walker. Enjoy!

Bill asks Candace out on a date. They have a great time. They then start to date regularly.

Six months later, while driving home from their dinner date Candace says, “Do you realize that tonight is our sixth-month anniversary?” For a few seconds, there is silence in the car and to Candace it seems like deafening silence. She thinks to herself, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

Meanwhile, Bill is thinking, Hmmm, six months.

Candace is percolating away in her head with, But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily forward. Where are we going with this thing, anyway? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Children? An entire lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

At this point Bill is thinking, So that means it was . . . let’s see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I’m way overdue for an oil change!

Candace is now at the point where she’s thinking, He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he’s sensed it, even before I did, that I had some reservations. Yes, I’ll bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

Bill is thinking, Yeah, and I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

Candace is thinking, He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

Bill is thinking, They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scum.

Candace is thinking, Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, truly do care about, and who seems to truly care about me. And now this person is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

Bill is thinking, Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and…

“Bill.” Candace says aloud.

“What?” answers Bill, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this.” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears, “Maybe I should never have. . . Oh, I feel so. . .”

She breaks down, sobbing.

“What?” Bill asks, wondering what just happened.

“I’m such a fool.” Candace sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Bill and wonders, What horse?

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Candace asks in self-blaming tone.

“No!” says Bill, thinking, Why should I?

“It’s just that . . . it’s that I . . . I need some time.” Candace says.

Dead silence again. Bill is trying to find what the right answer is here. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.

“Yes,” he says.

Candace feels so touched that she puts her hand on his.

“Oh, Bill, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Bill, thinking, What are we talking about?

“That way about time?” asks Candace.

“Oh.” says Bill. “Yes. Of course.”

Candace turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.

“Thank you, Bill.” she says, lovingly.

“Thank you.” says Bill, thinking, Whew. Got that one right.

Then he drops her off at her house where she lies and weeps on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, whereas Bill back at his place opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he’s never heard of.

A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he’s pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

Candace calls her closest friend and they talk about this situation for two hours. They analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it many times, considering every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, and any possible ramifications. They’ll continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe even months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Bill, as he plays plays racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Candace’s stops before shooting a basket and says, “Steve, did Candace ever own a horse?”

Does this story have just a little ring of truth to it? It seems that often men and women communicate differently and define relationships differently.

Do you agree or disagree? I’d love for you to share an example in the comments section of a situation which has formed your opinion about the ways in which each gender communicates and defines relationships.

17May2012

Business Networking & Sex: Survey Says . . . Time Spent Networkingstring(71) "Business Networking & Sex: Survey Says . . . Time Spent Networking"

In this short video, I share a portion of the results from the survey of 12,000 businesspeople on which my most recent book, Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think, is based. The results I discuss here indicate that there is a very powerful, direct linear correlation between the time spent networking and business success.

You’ll also hear some colorful comments in the video relating to the book and my co-authors (e.g., “Frank, you’re a bad, bad boy . . .” ;-)).

After watching the video, please leave a comment explaining whether you feel the indication of the statistics is true or lacking based on your personal networking experience.

26Apr2012

Business Networking and Sex: Survey Says . . . Transactional vs. Relationalstring(75) "Business Networking and Sex: Survey Says . . . Transactional vs. Relational"

In this short video, I share a portion of the results from the survey of 12,000 businesspeople on which my most recent book, Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think, is based. The results I discuss here indicate that men and women act differently when it comes to the VCP Process®, transactions, and relationships.

Based on your experience, would you say these results jive with what you’ve found to be true in the networking world? Please share your thoughts in the comments section–I’d love to hear them!

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