Behavioral Style Archives - Dr. Ivan Misner®
Behavioral Styles

Knowing Behavioral Styles Will Win You Referrals

Many entrepreneurs rely on referral marketing, or the use of personal recommendations through networking, to spread the word about their business. When you’ve taken the time to build the right relationships, referral marketing can be a substantial part of your business. But when I ask entrepreneurs if they are getting all the referrals they want when networking, nearly every person says no. They all talk about wanting more referrals, but they have no plan for how to get them. Where to begin? Let’s start with knowing behavioral styles, a term that refers to what motivates you.

The Four Common Behavioral Styles:

  • Nurturer: Slower-paced, people-oriented, dislikes confrontation, and takes care of others.
  • Promoter: Fast-paced, people-oriented, gregarious, and likes to be in the spotlight.
  • Examiner: Slower-paced, task-oriented, methodical, relies on the facts, and dislikes hype.
  • Go-Getter: Fast-paced, task-oriented, driven, and hates being wrong about anything.

As an entrepreneur, you must understand your own behavioral style, learn how to quickly identify behavioral styles in others, and, most importantly, adapt your approach to those different styles.

For example, imagine you’re a florist at a networking function, and you meet a wedding planner. You’re enjoying your conversation and you feel that this could be a good connection, so you decide to set up a lunch meeting.

At lunch, they ask you a series of questions about your business. Your new contact wants to know how long you’ve been in business, what your company organization looks like, all your products and services as well as your pricing, not to mention a laundry list of technical questions.

For a Nurturer, this interrogation might seem off-putting in the context of a “get to know you better” meeting. But for an Examiner, this approach is completely natural. What seems comfortable to one person may seem either confrontational or rude to the other. While some people need as much information as they can get to move forward in a relationship, others like to ease in more gradually, taking their time to get to know you as a person before getting to know your business.

Warning signs

To be clear: neither person in this scenario is right or wrong. People behave in the way that’s most natural to them, but if you aren’t attuned to the behavioral style of the person you’re dealing with, both sides could walk away feeling awkward and exhausted. There are signs to watch out for that will clue you into what behavioral style you’ve got on your hands.

  • Nurturers have a relaxed disposition and tend to be warm and friendly. They are good team players but are risk-averse.
  • Promoters prefer to schmooze with clients over lunch rather than work on a proposal in the office. They are idea-people and dreamers who excel at getting others excited. They are risk-takers who are not inclined to do their homework or check out detailed information.
  • Examiners are generally in control of their emotions and maybe uncomfortable around people who are less self-contained. They tend to see the complex side of situations, but they also tend to have an off-the-wall sense of humor.
  • Go-Getters believe in expedience and are not afraid to bend the rules. They figure it is easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission. They may appear aloof because they are goal-focused.

Once you identify a person’s behavioral style, you can tailor yours to match. If you’re dealing with a Nurturer, be patient, and ask questions to get to know them as a person. However, if you have a Promoter on your hands, be excited about the news they have to share about themselves. If you are dealing with an Examiner, come prepared with facts and data and be willing to listen to the information they share. Finally, if you’re dealing with a Go-Getter, get to the point fast, be concise, and be gone.

The content of this blog is from the book, “Room Full of Referrals”. Your behavioral style is affecting your referability! Are you treating others the way that they want to be treated?

ROOM FULL OF REFERRALS® …”and how to network for them!”

By Dr. Tony Alessandra, Dr. Ivan Misner & Dawn Lyons

This book will create a new mindset in the business networking world. You are not walking into a room full of people when you go to networking events; you are walking into a Room Full of Referrals®. The real question is – do you know HOW to network for those referrals? “There is one major obstacle to overcome at networking functions – you!”

 

 

humility

Humility Makes For a Great Networker

Humble people don’t think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less.  Some of the best networkers I know are humble.  In fact, many of the most successful people I’ve ever met have been remarkably humble.  Humility and being successful don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

In my late teens, I remember going to a political function.  I had decided that I wanted to pour myself into a campaign for a particular individual whose platform I appreciated.  Then… I met him and was introduced to him by someone high up in his campaign.  As soon as he learned that I was a lowly college student, I almost immediately lost his attention.  His eyes were darting across the room looking for someone more successful than me.  He ended up being very dismissive and came across as incredibly arrogant.  After that encounter, I decided not to help in his campaign.  Instead, I picked someone running for a different office.  This person was engaging and friendly.  He was respectful of people that didn’t “appear” to have much to offer.  Speaking with everyone, rich or poor, educated or uneducated.  He welcomed my involvement in his campaign.  Within six months, I ended up running his entire regional campaign office.  I put in hundreds of hours in that campaign and helped this person win office.  This experience taught me a lot about the kind of leader I wanted to be as I became more successful in life.

Humility costs nothing but yields amazing returns.  Being humble sounds simple enough, but what does that actually look like?  There are many things that can help someone show their humility.  Here is a list of a few traits of being humble that I think are important.

Humility Traits:

  1. First and foremost, their ego does not enter the room before they do.
  2. They are approachable, meaning that they are friendly and easy to talk to.
  3. A humble person listens and asks questions during a conversation.
  4. Maintain eye contact in a conversation and stay engaged in the discussion. This shows genuine interest.
  5. They are comfortable making people feel at ease and thanking people when appropriate.
  6. Humble individuals tend to have an “abundance mentality” and they tend to focus on solutions rather than simply rail about problems.
  7. Be situationally aware and have strong emotional intelligence.
  8. They are not self-absorbed. They know their strengths and are comfortable with who they are, but they don’t behave as though the world revolves around them.
  9. Most importantly, they practice what I call “Givers Gain®.” They approach life with a certain amount of altruism and strive to make a difference for others.

As we become more successful in life, it’s critical to maintain one’s humility.  We’ve all met people whose ego enters the room before they do.  They behave in a pompous manner and generally expect to be the center of attention most of the time.  In the long run, I don’t believe this serves people well.

No one is perfect with this all the time.  The process is a journey, not a destination.  It is something we must always strive for.  At large networking events, I know that I’ve had a good day when people share with me that they are surprised at how easy I was to talk to or that they felt that I came across like a regular person.  I believe that there is a “regular person” in all of us.  Showing that person to others is part of being humble.

If you achieve success in business, strive to shatter people’s expectations and demonstrate real humility.  Be someone who is engaging and caring, as well as knowledgeable and successful. Above all, remember that humble people don’t think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less.

Feel Better Fast

Feel Better Fast and Make It Last

Dr. Daniel Amen believes that brain health is central to all health and success. When your brain works right, he says, you work right; and when your brain is troubled you are much more likely to have trouble in your life. His work is dedicated to helping people have better brains and better lives. In this video, Dr. Amen reveals his “BRAIN-XL” framework to help others feel better fast and make it last:

B for “Brain”

Your brain likes to do what it’s always done, even when that isn’t in your best interest. Getting stuck in unhelpful behaviors, holding grudges, and engaging in unproductive worrying all cause immense suffering. Work to optimize the physical functioning of your brain and shift your thinking habits to more positive practices for better health.

R for “Rational Mind”

It’s important to develop the mental discipline necessary for feeling better fast, including eliminating the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), quieting your mind, focusing on gratitude, and even welcoming failure. With the help of some basic techniques, it’s possible for you to master your rational mind.

A for “Attachments”

Our attachments bring us the greatest joys and the most painful sorrows. It is when our relationships break people have the most mental health problems. Improving relationships and dealing with painful memories can help you achieve better outcomes. Learning how to improve your relationships can help you save your job, your marriage, your friendships, and all your relationships.

I for “Inspiration”

How to keep your pleasure center healthy in today’s world. Knowing and acting on your “why” is critical to living each day with joy. Purposeful people are happier and healthier, and live longer. Protecting your brain’s pleasure centers can help you live with passion and purpose.

N for “Nourishment”

In a world full of fast food and processed ingredients, our brains are affected by what we put into our bodies. Are you experiencing brain fog? A helpful nutritious diet can help you feel better quickly. Eating healthy foods can immediately boost your focus, memory and mood.

X for “X-Factor”

In any given situation, the X factor is the variable that has the most significant impact on the outcome.  Taking a look at the brain can be the difference between success and failure.

L for “Love”

Love yourself. Do things out of love of life or others. Caring for your body and brain affects your health and the health of generations to come. Love is the motivation that prompts us to put in the consistent effort and make the changes required to get healthy.

If you want to learn more about how the BRAIN-XL principles can help you stop the pain quickly, we recommend reading Dr. Amen’s new book, “Feel Better Fast and Make It Last.”

 

Feel Better Fast and Make It Last

Renowned physician, psychiatrist, brain-imaging researcher, and founder of Amen Clinics Dr. Daniel Amen understands how critical it is for you to know what will help you feel better fast, now and later. Dr. Amen has helped millions of people change their brains and lives through his health clinics, best-selling books, products and public television programs. In his book, Feel Better Fast and Make It Last, you’ll discover new, powerful brain-based strategies to quickly gain control over anxiety, worry, sadness, stress and anger, strengthening your resilience and giving you joy and purpose for a lifetime. If you want to feel happier, more optimistic, more joyful, and resilient, Dr. Amen’s groundbreaking new book is for you.

Please order his book on Amazon or Barnes and Noble

Please view Dr. Amen’s website for more information about his clinics.

alienating

Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?

Behavior is key when networking-it makes or breaks the connections, and ultimately, the relationships you build. I’ve spoken before about the differences between approachable or alienating behavior, but I want to take a deeper look into what qualifies behavior as alienating. You may watch this video and suddenly realize that the little nuances you may have passed off as nothing, are actually keeping you from successfully networking.

Here are four ways you may be alienating others when networking:

1. Negative Attitude: Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough without having to lament about it all the time. If you’re always complaining or focusing on the negative aspects of life, you’re going to turn people off.

2. Closed Off Body Language: There’s a great graphic in the video that will show you what closed off body language looks like, but basically it means standing in a way that only allows for a conversation to happen between two or three people. If you have a bored or scowled look on your face, people won’t want to approach you. Finally, do not cross your arms.

3. Incongruence: Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t talk a big talk and not back it up. This will lead people to become skeptical of your dependability-which is bad if you’re looking to gain trusted referral partners.

4. Not Acting Interested in People: Be interested more than interesting.  A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately.

If you’re still not sure you’re exhibiting these behaviors

Take a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next event and ask them to notice if you act in any of the above ways; you can do the same for them. Have an honest conversation afterward about what you both noticed and work out ways to improve your behavior. At the next event, try and be aware of yourself and the reactions you get when you change your behavior.

Are you approachable when it comes to mingling at networking events? You may not know that you are the one getting in your own way when it comes to meeting new people and kindling business relationships. But how can you really tell if you are approachable or alienating? Bring a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next networking event and observe each other’s body language, the tone of voice and words. Afterward, exchange constructive feedback with the intent of helping each other become better referral partners.

Desperate Networkers

4 Desperate Networkers

Desperation is not referable. When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. Here are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

Click here to watch this video

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years. The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table. They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them). To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game. The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think). Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope. Not true. In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel). So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space? The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in. In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event. From my experience that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world. What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.” According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

The Premature Solicitor

This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling. They meet you and immediately go into sales mode. They want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. To this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign. These people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events. They go to meetings and feel slimmed by people soliciting them for business. They leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important. But be a professional – not a stalker. The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores. I’ve experienced this many times over my career. The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago. I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc. But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug. I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time. Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Desperation is not referable. Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate these behaviors yourself. Remember that networking is more about farming, than it is about hunting.

greatest asset

How talking too much in class turned into my greatest asset

Those tendencies standing “in your way” can be “the way”‘ to success and can become your greatest asset. When I was in elementary school, I generally received good reports from my teachers. However, one thing that came up time and time again was a comment by almost all of my teachers: “Ivan talks too much in class.”

My mother had numerous conversations with me about this but to no avail. I figure that she thought my grades were pretty good and she generally liked to pick and choose her battles on issues. Consequently, she didn’t really push the matter, and so… I talked and talked and talked in class. It showed up on many of my report cards. My teachers felt that it was a problem for me in school. On the other hand, my mother didn’t give me much grief on the subject.

My Greatest Asset

My talking too much in class was thought of as a roadblock by my teachers. Candidly, at one point, they almost had me convinced that it was a problem. My mother — not so much. She didn’t see my talking as such a big issue and that gave me the freedom to be myself. True, I had to tone it down a bit — but it wasn’t drummed out of me. I am grateful for that because, despite the fact that some people thought that talking was blocking my way, the truth is — it would eventually become “the way” for my life.

While the teachers definitely felt that it was a roadblock to my learning, I think they may have been wrong on that. What my teachers saw as a problem ended up becoming an incredible asset. I talk a lot. I talk to individuals, small groups, middle size groups, large groups, and massive groups. Any way you cut it — I’m a talker. It is my greatest asset. My job today is to talk to people. In fact, I get paid to talk. I get paid a crazy number to talk to companies, associations, and organizations. I love to share ideas with people, I love to coach people, and most of all I love to inspire people. And to do that — I talk.

Over the years, I’ve learned that oftentimes, What is in the way, becomes the way”.  

I believe the secret is to take the thing that is “in the way” and channel your efforts in a manner that makes that problem part of the solution. I have noticed that my wife, Elisabeth, has been able to channel what was in the way for her as a child and how powerfully that has served her. She was constantly being told that she was “too rebellious.” She had a very hard time doing things she was told she had to do just because an authority figure in life told her she must do them. Now when she was faced with a medical diagnosis and told by her medical doctor that there was only one path, her strong “rebellious” nature found another, more effective and gentle healing path. What was in her way has become her way!

Some of us do this unconsciously. However, imagine how impactful this paradigm could be if we were more conscious of it at work in our lives. I would encourage you to think about something you were told was “in the way” as part of your life? Has it “become the way” for you and your greatest asset? If so, how? For me — of the first things in my life that were in the way was that I talked too much in class. Looking back, I’d have to say it worked out pretty well. 

Desperation

Desperation is Not Referable

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. Please check out these links below that describe each of these four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit.

Click on these links to find out more about each:

Are You a Desperate Networker?

Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate any of these behaviors yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Generally, these people are not actually trying to help you — they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores.

Photo Attribution

New Best Friend

The New Best Friend

Desperation is not referable.

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The New Best Friend” is the final of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I shared during the past weeks.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important.  But be a professional – not a stalker.  The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you.  Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you.  It’s about what they want from you.   Desperation seeps from their pores.  I’ve experienced this many times over my career.  The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago.  I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc.  But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug.  I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time.  Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events, Whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The New Best Friend” behavior yourself.  Furthermore, remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog posts during the past weeks as I described each of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

Premature Solicitor

The Premature Solicitor

Desperation is not referable

 When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Premature Solicitor” is the third of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing each week.

The Premature Solicitor

The person guilty of Premature Solicitation (don’t say that fast three times, it will get you in trouble!).  This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling.  Therefore, they meet you and immediately go into sales mode.  In addition, they want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. Hence, to this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign.  Consequently, these people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events.  Because they go to meetings and feel slimed by people soliciting them for business, they leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Premature Solicitor” behavior yourself. Therefore, remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week. I will describe the final of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The New Best Friend”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

Space Violator

The Space Violator

Desperation is not referable

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Space Violator” is the second of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing over the next weeks.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope.  Not true.  In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel).  So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space?  The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in.  In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event.  From my experience, that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world.  What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.”  According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Space Violator” behavior yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week as I describe the next of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The Premature Solicitor”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” below:

The Card Dealer

The Card Dealer

Desperation is not referable.

When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation.  There are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit. “The Card Dealer” is the first of these four “desperate networker behaviors” that I’ll be sharing each week over the next month.

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years.  The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table.  They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them).  To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game.  The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think).  Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The image above is from a great video called “BNI – The People in The Room” about “The Card Dealer” type of networker.  It was done by Charlie Lawson – check it out. https://youtu.be/EDONaoEcuNM

Remember this behavior when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate “The Card Dealer” behavior yourself.  Remember that networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. Please check out my blog next week as I describe the next of the four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit: “The Space Violator”.

What other kinds of desperate networker have you seen?

Check out these links to the other three types of “desperate networker behaviors” on my blog over the next few weeks:

Is Your Behavior Alienating?

This video is on my Networking for Success YouTube Channel, hosted by Entrepreneur.com.

Behavior is key when networking-it makes or breaks the connections, and ultimately, the relationships you build. I’ve spoken before about the differences between approachable or alienating behavior, but I want to take a deeper look into what qualifies behavior as alienating. You may watch this video and suddenly realize that the little nuances you may have passed off as nothing, are actually keeping you from successfully networking.

Here are four ways you may be alienating others when networking:

1. Negative Attitude: Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough without having to lament about it all the time. If you’re always complaining or focusing on the negative aspects of life, you’re going to turn people off.

2. Closed Off Body Language: There’s a great graphic in the video that will show you what closed off body language looks like, but basically it means standing in a way that only allows for a conversation to happen between two or three people. Also, if you’re arms are crossed and you have a bored or scowled look on your face, people won’t want to approach you.

3. Incongruence: Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t talk a big talk and not back it up. This will lead people to become skeptical of your dependability-which is bad if you’re looking to gain trusted referral partners.

4. Not Acting Interested in People: Be interested more than interesting.  A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately.

If you’re still not sure you’re exhibiting these behaviors, take a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next event and ask them to notice if you act in any of the above ways; you can do the same for them. Have an honest conversation afterward about what you both noticed and work out ways to improve your behavior. At the next event, try and be aware of yourself and the reactions you get when you change your behavior.

 

 

 

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