You Don’t Know Who They Knowstring(30) "You Don’t Know Who They Know"

If you belong to a networking group that focuses entirely on your preferred target market, chances are you’ll be in a group of people who are a lot like you. Is that a good thing? Not necessarily. A group that consists of lots of people who are like you tends to hang out together and is likely to have many of the same contacts that you have. This limits the size of your network and the diversity within it. Of course, it is good to have some people like you in your group, and it is important to have people who are not like you as well. It is a mistake to assume that someone who is in a totally different industry or social group or market than yours can’t possibly know anybody you would like to meet and do business with. You don’t know who they know.

Even when you share a target market with many other professionals in the group, you can’t really tell from the roster how effective they will be as referral sources. You have to be in the group a while before you learn who they know and how likely they are to pass along good referrals. This information is often shared in open networking before and after the chapter meeting in conversations such as: “Tell me about some of your favorite clients.” “Who do you like working with and why?” “What kind of work do you like to do best?”  It takes weeks, sometimes months, to develop the kinds of relationships that bear fruit–and until then, you don’t know who they know.

Similar People Have Similar Contacts

Groups that are built primarily on a social model tend to be homogenous. It is simply human nature for people to cluster in groups according to age, education, income, profession, race, neighborhood, religion, social status, etc. Hanging out with people similar to ourselves makes it easier to carry on conversations, share similar experiences, and compare notes. It typically does not expose one to new experiences or new points of view, and it certainly provides very few opportunities to open new avenues in business or marketing.

I’ve come across many people who want to form business-to-business networks. They think, I’m after this market, so therefore I need people just like me all around me. So who do they get? They get people who are just like themselves. This includes people in businesses that are very similar to their own, who may not want to share their databases with others. It can also include some people who have the same kinds of contacts, oftentimes even the exact same individuals. Creating a networking group with such similar people for the purpose of generating referrals is usually very ineffective.

Networks tend to form naturally among clusters of people who are like each other and who know each other to varying degrees. Your friends tend to be friends with one another. However, if you want a powerful network, you obviously want different contacts and different kinds of contacts. 

Diversity is Key

Diversity is key in a referral group, and not only in the classic sense of diversity–race, gender, religion, ethnicity–but diversity in types of businesses, too. I’ve met people who didn’t want to join a referral network because there was a painting contractor in the group who came to the meeting wearing overalls. The fact is, painting and other contractors often have great contacts. You don’t know who they know – whose houses they are painting or working on and what kind of connections they’ve made.

A diverse set of personal contacts enables you to include connectors or linchpins in your network. Linchpins are people who in some way cross over between two or more clusters or groups of individuals. They have overlapping interests or contacts and can easily and naturally link your group with other group, creating shortcuts across ‘clumps’ of people. The strongest business networking groups are those that are diverse in many ways. They are the ones that tend to have the most linchpins.  A master networker strives to become a linchpin between as many networks as possible.

 

I believe that it is important to build a diverse network of professional contacts that include people with different interests and backgrounds. The only thing that they need have in common with you and the other people in your network is that they should be really good at what they do.

Remember, you don’t know who someone knows until you get to know them.

Ten Commandments for Business Networking

Ten Commandments for Business Networkingstring(40) "Ten Commandments for Business Networking"

It amazes me the number of people I meet who are at the top of their game in the business world, and yet they struggle with confidence when it comes to networking meetings. I wonder how they find networking so difficult when they are remarkably impressive performers in other areas of business.

The truth is, there are a lot of reasons people struggle with networking. Sometimes it is just confidence, and sometimes it is a lack of experience, organization, or time management.

This led me to create my Ten Commandments of Successful Networking. These are  step-by-step practical guidelines covering everything one needs to do to be a highly confident and successful business networker.

 Ten Commandments of Successful Networking

  1. Do Not Sell to Me. If we are trying to help one another get more business, you tell me your target market, I tell you my target market and when we are out in the world, we speak well of one another and refer one another. Do not try to sell to me – I’m your referral resource; you can sell through me to get to the people that I know. If I need your product or service, I will certainly call upon you. Don’t sell to me; build a relationship with me.
  2. Understand the Law of Reciprocity. If I am sending business to you, please keep me top of mind. Giving me a new client is the best thank you I can receive, and I will continue working to find referrals for you when I know you appreciate me. The Law of Reciprocity is part of social capital theory and in BNI® it is our principle core value – Givers Gain. If you help me, I’ll help you, and we’ll all do better as a result.
  3. Do Not Abuse Our Relationship. Sending me a bogus referral just to use me, my expertise, or my resources for free without asking permission first is the fastest way to lose my respect. Mutually beneficial referral partnerships are built on trust.
  4. Always Be on Time. If we have arranged a meeting to get to know one another and strategize how we can refer business to each other, don’t be late. I dedicated this time in my schedule FOR YOU, and I respect you enough to be on time. I expect the same. Don’t reschedule our appointment unless it is absolutely critical.
  5. Be Specific. Specific Is Terrific! Tell your referral partners, in a laser sharp way, how to refer to you. If you tell me your target market is “anybody” or “everybody,” that means nobody to me. The more specific you are, the easier it will be for me to find referrals for your business.
  6. Take Your Business Seriously. As your networking partner, I need to know your intentions. If your company is a hobby business, it will be difficult for me to assist you. If it is a part-time business, you are limited in the time you spend working on your business, and also in the time you have working to find referrals for me. However, if you’re working your business part-time with a goal of making it full-time, I am there for you,100%. You must be 100% in your business in order for your networking group to feel comfortable referring you.
  7. Follow Up on Referrals. When I send you a referral for potential business, please follow up with that prospect in a timely fashion– ideally within 24 hours. If you’re going out of town or will not be available for some time, a quick call, text, or e-mail to the person to let them know when you will be available will preserve your credibility AND protect my reputation in recommending you to someone I know and care about.
  1. Communicate. If I do something that upsets you, inadvertently send you a “bad” referral, or cause you to have ill feelings toward me, please communicate with me as soon as possible. I may not be aware that I have caused a problem for you. If you tell me, I can try to fix it. Referral networking is about relationships. Clear, open, honest, and direct communication is the best way to build effective relationships with referral partners.
Ten-Commandments-for-Business-Networking
  1. Protect My Reputation. Most people would rather die than risk their reputations. If I receive disparaging or derogatory feedback from a referral that I sent to you, it is as though you cut me off at the knees. Please do what you say you will do and live up to the ethical standards of your profession. Protect my reputation (and yours) by doing a good job.
  2. Prepare for Success. If you really want to grow your business, then prepare to receive more business. Does your current business plan include the next steps for your company’s growth? I will move mountains for my networking partners to ensure they get referrals on a consistent basis. 

Understanding and following these recommendations as a regular part of your business networking practices can help new and seasoned professionals network successfully. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

 

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In Business Networking, Desperation is Not Referablestring(53) "In Business Networking, Desperation is Not Referable"

People want to do business with people that they know, like, and trust. Business networking is all about relationships, and successful networkers know that they need to get to know potential referral partners by investing time with them.

However, there are some people who are desperate to make a sale and think that networking is an easy way to get new customers. When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it is a tell-tale sign of desperation.

I have identified four behavior types exhibited by desperate networkers.

The Card Dealer

This is the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years. The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the networking event handing out their business cards like they are the dealer at a poker table. They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone unless they think they can get something from them. To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game. The more people they can pass their cards to, the better they’re doing (or so they think). Card Dealers tend to have a personal network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The Space Violator

This is the person who thinks that the closer they get when they are talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what they are saying. Not true. In fact, it has the opposite effect. Which brings the question: what is the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space? The answer varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in. In North America, it’s common to have conversations at “arm’s length” with people that you meet at a networking event. In my experience, that distance is often less in some countries around the world. 

The Premature Solicitor

This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling. They meet you and immediately go into sales mode. They want you to do business with them without asking any questions about you, your business, your interests, or even your name. To this person, everyone is a target, and every target is a dollar sign. These people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events because they feel pursued and uncomfortable by people soliciting them for business. 

The New Best Friend

Following-up with people you meet at a networking event is important. But be a professional – not a stalker. The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller you meet at a networking event  who calls you, emails you, messages you on social media, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of a few days. Generally, they’re not really trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” however, it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation oozes from every attempted contact they make with you.

 

Remember that networking is more about farming, than it is about hunting.

Keep  these behaviors in mind when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate these behaviors yourself. Desperation is not referable.

Target Markets, Contact Spheres, & Power Teamsstring(51) "Target Markets, Contact Spheres, & Power Teams"

Everyone who is in business wants to do well. Successful entrepreneurs and professionals understand the importance of a strong network to help their business grow. However, building a strong network is an investment of time – time to build relationships and time to educate fellow networkers about what you do and who are your best customers.

There is also the investment of time in ourselves; we need to be really clear about our own target market which will help us identify our Contact Spheres, and then help us to strategically develop our Power Team.

Target Markets

What is your target market? Most simply defined, it is the specific set of clients whose needs you are trying to meet with your business. Instead of trying to sell to everyone, focus on those people who have the greatest potential to need or desire your products and services. When you try to be everything to everyone, you end up being very little to anyone.

Many people struggle with identifying exactly what their target market is and are often too general when talking about it. A good starting point is to have a clear understanding of who your ideal customers are. Look at your past sales to identify the types of clients that are the best fit for what you want to do. Most businesses have a couple of specific target markets for the services or products they provide.

Contact Spheres

A Contact Sphere is a group of business professionals who have a symbiotic relationship. They are in compatible, non-competitive professions. For instance: event planner, caterer, photographer, florist, and travel agent. I recently talked with my good
friend Tom Fleming, who has been involved with BNI® since 1996, about Contact Spheres and Power Teams. He shared his definition of a Contact Sphere:
Those companies in non-competing industries that serve the exact same target market that you have, which means their client list is a list of potential customers for you, too.

Tom said he thinks that the concept of Contact Sphere is a noun. It’s that list of industries that don’t compete with you but serve that same target market. And a Power Team is that Contact Sphere in action. So, he thinks of Power Teams as a verb.

I also view them as concentric circles, where the Contact Sphere is all the potential people that you could be working with, and the Power Team is the people that you are actually working with. 

Power Teams

A Power Team is a group of people that are in complimentary professions. They work with the same client without taking business away from each other. How do you build your Power Team? The first step is to get to know the people in your Contact Sphere and get to know their industries. Begin to build a mutually beneficial relationship with them. It’s important to find out as much as possible about these potential referral partners so that you can send them the type of business they are looking for. You can find a list of 10 questions to ask your Power Team partner here.

Successful Power Teams recognize that they need structure – preset meeting days, times, and locations – at least twice a month, with an agenda for the meeting. They have accountability and engagement, too. Are people showing up to the Power Team meeting and are they participating? Are they engaged in proactively generating referrals for other people on the Power Team? Effective Power Teams also have leadership and communication. Tom shares a link to a Power Team meeting agenda in BNI Podcast #775.

Start with defining a target market to be able to give your referral partners a mental picture of the best customer to refer to you. Then identify all of the professions and industries who share that target market, and who are not your competitors, to build your Contact Sphere. A Power Team is where you put the Contact Sphere to work. You work together with intention and commitment, to help each other by identifying referrals and connecting those referrals to fellow Power Team members.

Are you part of a Power Team? I’d love to hear your success stories.

 

 

 

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Why Do Businesspeople Help Others?string(34) "Why Do Businesspeople Help Others?"

There are only a few basic ways to inspire people to care about your business and help you build it. Basically, it comes down to relationships and rewards.  

Some people, typically family or friends, will want to help simply because they like you and want you to do well. They are motivated by the relationship itself.

In most other cases, the long-term motivation for people to want to help you and your business is not based solely on whether they like you. Business partnerships, including referral relationships, almost always include some type of mutual reward, typically in the form of financial or social gain. Both you and your networking partner have something to gain, and you are both willing to help each other achieve it.

Some people are motivated by the potential for business referrals you can give to them, while others are motivated by the prestige and opportunities created by having a relationship with you. Regardless of the underlying motivation behind them, business networking relationships can take some time to reach profitability in a substantial way. However, they are certainly worth cultivating. Ultimately, strong relationships will steer opportunities back to you because of the nature of networking itself.

Referrals are Not Reciprocal

I remind networkers that there isn’t a rule that says, “For every referral you give, you can expect one in return.” When you give more referrals, it does not mean that others will automatically do the same. It just doesn’t work that way in referral marketing.
A referral is not always reciprocal.

Effective business networking is about strong and deep relationships with your referral partners. Professionals who focus on giving first and asking, “What can I do to help you?” rather than having an attitude of “What’s in it for me?” usually find more success in their networking efforts.

I believe that most relationships will prove rewarding in the long term, even in cases where you don’t receive referrals in return. There are a few extremely successful people to whom we send referrals and who never reciprocate with a referral back to us. We’re motivated to continue helping them because they will work with the people we refer to them. That makes us look good, as it is often difficult for the average person to start a working relationship with these very successful, very busy professionals.

Additionally, if we refer someone, it opens a door that might never have otherwise opened. The new person that we are referring to our very busy friends or associates is the one who now goes out of their way to reciprocate. That becomes our motivation for helping our networking partners achieve their goals. And, in true Givers Gain® fashion, it usually winds up coming back to us in some way or another.

The Philosophy of Givers Gain

Givers Gain is not only a great way to get business, it’s an even better way to do business. These are some of the motivations that fit with the philosophy of giving.

  1. We give because we understand that in a community, what we do, others will do, and we all benefit.
  2. We give because we know that in the same situation others would do the same for us.
  3. We give because we want to give back where we have profited before.
  4. We give because when we work together, we get bigger and better results than working on our own.
  5. We give because we enjoy it.

A key element of giving is having ethical motivation. You can always give once and justify your motivation, however, giving over and over again requires a motivation that is understood by you, and by the people you surround yourself with.

Remember, in business networking, successful referral relationships are mutually beneficial with both parties being motivated by some type of reward that helps them, and their business, grow.
Can you think of some way that you have benefitted because of caring about others’ businesses and helping them achieve their goals?  

 

 

 

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Are Networking Referrals a Coincidence

Are Networking Referrals a Coincidence?string(39) "Are Networking Referrals a Coincidence?"

When it comes to business networking, “luck” is where persistence meets opportunity. There is no coincidence about repeat referrals. Those referrals come about because of the everyday activities that successful networkers consistently do to build strong referral relationships. Although it can’t be measured as easily as tracking cold-call ratios – the results are dramatic and almost never coincidental.

A misconception occurs when someone focuses on the referral rather than on the relationship that produced the referral. This leads people to the wrong conclusion that the result was coincidental. Networking is not about luck. It is about relationships.


It is unlikely that one single person is going to turn a business around or have a dramatic impact on a company’s success. However, by building relationships with a diverse group of professionals, over time those combined relationships can make a significant difference in one’s business success.

In this video, I share the story of a networker, Chris, who regarded the referrals he received from his fellow members as “chance occurrences” and failed to understand that they were the result of his relationships within the networking group.

Focus on the Relationships

As you heard in the video, Chris’s challenge was two things: repeatability and understanding. His training told him that the way to get more business was to target a certain kind of customer by calling a demographics-based list. If he didn’t have enough business, he needed to make more calls. How many more? He could figure that out, too, because the amount of business he got was directly proportional to the number of people he talked to. It was a repeatable process that he fully understood.

On the other hand, clients he got from referrals always had a story line that he couldn’t see being repeated. Sally knew Jim, who ran into Sue, who happened to be in his group and referred Chris the business. This led him to conclude that the results were coincidental and couldn’t possibly be repeated.

The reason that he focused on the referral and not the relationship is because he didn’t understand the process of building effective and profitable relationships. This led to his conclusion that all the referrals from his networking group, and the subsequent new clients he gained from them, were simply a coincidence.

His reasoning wasn’t entirely off track, as far as it went. If you focus on the specific people who gave you the referral, rather than the process and relationships that allowed it to happen, then you couldn’t consistently get more business from networking. Or to put it another way: Sally knowing Jim, who runs into Sue and ultimately gives Chris a referral is probably never going to happen again in exactly that way. Yet, if you step back and ask, “Is it possible that somebody will know someone else who’s looking for my services and will then give me that referral?” It’s a whole other story—especially if you focus on building relationships so that there is always a “somebody” in your network who knows you and what you do.


Networking with a Net

Referral networking is a lot like catching fish by casting a net. Each fish comes to the net by a different path; each has a “story” that is not repeated. You don’t focus on a particular fish and then try to get it to come to the net. Instead, you focus on the action of setting the net. You know that consistently setting a net will provide fish, regardless of what path they take to get there.

The same is true for getting referrals. The process of meeting people, staying in touch, and then asking for business is something you can do time after time. You don’t have to worry about how a specific referral got to you, because you understand the process of setting your net.

Here’s the best part: Just as with fishing, your net – your network can be working for you all the time. You don’t have to be there whenever somebody you know runs into someone else who could use your product—which means you can be “fishing” in many different ponds simultaneously and reaping the rewards of new business referrals on an on-going basis.

Remember, the fisherman concentrates on the action of casting the net, not the individual path of one fish that swims into it. If they based their success on that one random fish, they could conclude that it was a coincidence.

There is no coincidence about the referrals gained through successful business networking. Your networking results are the inevitable cumulative result of the day-to-day activities related to relationship building and an indication that the system is working. Consistent referrals happen because you’ve laid the groundwork through mutually beneficial, professional relationships.

Perfect Practice Makes Perfectstring(30) "Perfect Practice Makes Perfect"

When it comes to business networking, practice alone is not enough. It must be effective practice. Simply attending meetings and going through the motions will not improve your networking or help you grow your business.

For those to whom networking doesn’t come easy, it is imperative that you continue striving to perfect your networking skills. The saying “practice makes perfect” comes into play here, but not how you might expect because that saying is only half true.
In actuality, only perfect practice makes perfect.

I once heard a music teacher tell their students, “Lousy practice makes a lousy musician.” The same is true for business networking. You can practice day in and day out networking the wrong way, and what will happen is you’ll get really good at incorrectly networking. 

Lessons From Martial Arts

In martial arts, the sensei (master) says, “Perfect practice makes perfect.” If you’re just going through the motions, you are not learning and growing. Each time you do a kata (a system of basic body positioning and movement exercises in karate), it must be done as though you were in a tournament, or as though the sensei were there observing you. It is only with that intensity of focus does one improve. The same applies to your business networking efforts. If you apply the techniques halfheartedly, you get less-than-acceptable results. 

Practicing the skills necessary to become a good networker is important. However, would-be networkers cannot expect to become master networkers by doing things in a perfunctory way, without commitment and effort.

Consider the short weekly presentation you make when you attend networking groups or various other organizations. Many people go to their meeting unprepared and unrehearsed, having only a vague idea of what they will talk about. While other members give their presentations, the unprepared person isn’t listening. They are thinking about their own upcoming presentation and how to say what they need to say. When their turn comes, they often stumble through an amateurish and marginal presentation. Yes, they practiced, but it was far from perfect practice, and the results prove it.

Lessons From Teachers

Do you think teachers wing their lesson plan? The better teachers set goals and objectives for what they want their students to learn. They spend time planning exactly what they are going to talk about in class. They prepare visual aids and handouts that reinforce the subject matter and facilitate learning from their presentation.

I recommend that, as a businessperson, you have similar goals and objectives. Ask yourself: What, exactly, do you want your listeners to learn about your business that they can pass along to prospects to create a possible referral for you?

If you are vague about your lesson plan, if you are unprepared to stand and deliver, your potential referral partners are going to leave the meeting without a clear idea of how to refer you to the people they know. You need to practice delivering your message. Standing up and winging it is not going to get you what you want. You must practice it perfectly to achieve your networking goals.

Business networking success comes with time and effective practice. You can do a review of your networking attempts and presentations with yourself or with a close business confidant after the meeting or event. What strategies did you use? Did you make a lasting impression on those you interacted with? What worked and what can you improve upon?  Perfect practice is a commitment – to you and your business.

How has practice improved your networking skills and your results? I’d like to read your comments below. Thank you.

 

 

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The 4Csstring(7) "The 4Cs"

My friend and co-author of Work Your Network with The 4Cs, Dr. Oudi Abouchacra, joined me on the BNI Podcast to talk about his networking journey and how he developed the concept of The 4Cs, which it led to us writing the book together.

He shared that is started when he was 27 years old and had just opened his chiropractic clinic in Toronto, Canada. His father told him he needed to go out and network instead of waiting for new patients to find him. Dr. Oudi says, “I’ve got to tell you, the word networking was intimidating. I don’t even think I really knew what it meant. I just knew it meant getting out of my office, the comforts of my walls, and going out there and meeting people and strangers and having to talk about what I do.” Well, he took his dad’s advice, began to network and was introduced to BNI®.

What are The 4Cs?

As a new BNI member, Dr. Oudi wondered why some people got more referrals than others did. After 20 years in BNI, he was able to distill the answer down to The Four Cs, which are the foundation of all relationships. I believe that understanding them is critical to generate referral business.

COMPETENCE
Is someone good at what they do? We need to know that their skillset enables them to do what we need them to do to help solve our problem.
CREDIBILITY
Do you trust them? In personal and business relationships, we have to know that our
loved ones and our projects are safe and in good hands.
CLARITY
Do they communicate well? We want clear communication with the people we engage
with. And we need clarity of what our networking partners need in order for us to give them referrals.
CONNECTIVITY
Who does this person know? Connectivity has to do with the quality and quantity of their connections. People who are well connected can help their referral partners make the connections they need.

Challenges with The 4Cs

As a new business networker, Dr. Oudi found his biggest challenge was Clarity of communication. He struggled to be concise and precise, and really get a message across in a networking context. He felt that the lack of clarity cost him time because it took longer for his referral partners to clearly understand how he could help the people they knew. He says that it also cost him confidence because every time he spoke ineffectively, he would second-guess himself and lose confidence for the next presentation.

Most people think that they are effective communicators. However, if you were to ask peers, they may say, “I don’t really get what they do. I don’t really understand them.”
To get better at each of The 4Cs, it’s important to ask the members of your business networking group and/or the people that you are very close to for honest feedback.

Keep in mind however, that many people find it hard to give critical feedback and may not necessarily tell you what they really think. So, Dr. Oudi developed the Peer-to-Peer Assessment, an anonymous survey that can be sent to your BNI chapter members, or to members of other professional groups.

Imagine if every member of networking group rated you anonymously on each of The 4Cs. You could have a scorecard showing that you’re 9 out of 10 with Credibility, Competence, and Connectivity. However, you scored 3 out of 10 with Clarity. Now you have real feedback from people you know, which helps identify what you need to work on for better networking success.

The Peer-to- Peer Assessment is in our book, Work Your Network with The 4Cs, which is available at amazon.com. I’ll be talking more in-depth about the other 4Cs in future blogs.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about The 4Cs and your results of the Peer-to-Peer Assessment. Feel free to come back and share in the comments.

Exceptional Performance is Not Achieved by Looking for Exceptionsstring(65) "Exceptional Performance is Not Achieved by Looking for Exceptions"

Throughout my business career I have been reminded countless times that exceptional performance is not achieved by looking for exceptions. There are numerous people who want “great” results but don’t want to put in “great” effort. I truly think that if people spent half as much time focusing on the fundamentals of success in the areas they are interested in – they would get twice the results that they are currently getting. Instead, I see way too many people searching for ideas and then arguing with people about what works (especially with people who have already achieved success in that area).

Taking Exception

I once read an article by a friend of mine who was talking about Tony Alessandra’s Platinum Rule (treat people the way ‘they’ want to be treated, not the way ‘you’ want to be treated). The piece was well written about Tony’s material. Then I saw that some guy posted a comment saying this was a horrible idea because people don’t always know what’s best for them. Really? That seemed crazy to me but in case I was overreacting, I checked out some of this guy’s other writings. I looked at his comments on other people’s posts and he was ALWAYS the guy taking an opposing position. He disagreed with virtually everyone about virtually everything. I then looked at his original posts and discovered he was a total loser! He clearly jumped from business to business and didn’t appear to be successful at anything. The best thing this guy seemed to do was argue about everything; he seemed to be an expert at taking exception to other’s views.

Results Without Effort?

Shortly after I read my friend’s article about the Platinum Rule, I received an email from a person who had visited some BNI® networking groups. They wrote me to say:

“I am interested in how I can provide my extensive list of contacts to a local networking group without having to attend the weekly meetings… we can [only] attend once a month to a meeting… but we still [want to] adopt the group’s ethos and principles of such a well-structured program.”

That request got me to thinking…
I’d like to win the Tour De France, but I don’t like all that peddling.
I’ve always thought it would be amazing to win an Olympic medal but come on, is all that conditioning really necessary?
I would have liked to become a medical doctor but, can I do it without all the blood and internal organ stuff?
I would love, really love, to be a military General – but boot camp? Seriously, do I have to do boot camp?
And most coveted of all – a Nobel Peace prize. That would be so amazing! But must I change the world in some important way? Surely, there must be something less I can do and still get the same results – right?

If only wishing made it so. But it doesn’t. 

Looking for exceptions to what’s been proven to work seems to be the norm for many people. However, those who are constantly searching for exceptions to validate their reasons why the disciplined hard work that has made others successful won’t work for them, will, in my experience, only find one overriding truth–the exceptional people who have achieved success through consistent, disciplined action are, in fact, the only real exceptions to the norm.

I’d like to know your thoughts. Feel free to share your comments below.

 

 

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Crucial Conversations

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Most of us have heard the phrase “It’s not so much about what you say, it’s more how you say it that really matters.” I learned the hard way how true that phrase really is. Conversations can be tricky–especially when one or more of the people involved are upset.

When I first started BNI® in the mid-1980s, there were only a handful of chapters while the organization was in its very beginning stages, and it was still small enough that I was able to make personal visits to chapter meetings. One day, I got a call from a chapter president who asked if I would come to their next meeting and offer some insight into how they could improve because they were having some challenges keeping their networking group running smoothly and effectively.

I was happy to help however I could, so I went to their next meeting, sat back, and observed. When the chapter president called me to the front of the room and asked me to offer my feedback, I stood up and began to go over my list of suggestions and changes they should make to improve their effectiveness. Suddenly, one of the chapter members raised her hand and said, “Excuse me but who in the heck do you think you are, sashaying in here and telling us everything you think we’re doing wrong?!–You don’t know anything about us!”

Respond or React

How did I respond?  I didn’t respond . . . I reacted. I went with my gut reflex, which was to defend myself, saying that I was the founder of the organization. I tried in vain to argue that my points were valid and that they needed to listen to what I had to say if they wanted to improve. The way I handled it was completely ineffective because, in a heated situation where somebody was obviously very upset and already convinced I was the enemy, I had no strategy for guiding the conversation in a positive, solutions-focused direction.

That day, on my commute back home from the meeting, I spent the first twenty minutes fuming about how rude the woman was to me. I had gotten up early to drive over to their chapter meeting, taking time out of my day to go above and beyond to help them! In the privacy of my own car, with my blood boiling, I drove through traffic flaring my nostrils, vehemently muttering several choice words (which I will not detail here) while I verbally bashed them for being so ungrateful.

Then I started to calm down and think about how I might have handled the situation differently and it was during that same car ride that I came up with BNI’s corporate policy on customer support and handling customer complaints. Here are some of the points from that policy.

Important Points

  • Remember–people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
  • Listen and let them talk.  Then . . . listen, listen, listen.
  • Ask questions.  Then . . . listen!
  • Acknowledge the information.
  • Understand their complaint and ask how you can help.
  • Follow up.
  • Thank them.
  • Remember–diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.  Be diplomatic!

Some years later, I came across the book, Crucial Conversations, which teaches people how to prepare for high-stakes situations, transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue, create situations where it is safe to talk about almost anything, and to be persuasive not abrasive.

Some of the tactics and strategies in the book were right in line with what I outlined for BNI’s policy on dealing with tense situations. It also has additional tactics that are immensely helpful for ensuring that whatever it is you are trying to say in any given situation is presented in the best possible way (i.e., “how you say it”) to achieve the best possible results for everyone involved.

I think that ALL conversations are crucial on some level because once you say something you can’t take it back and saying the wrong thing may have tremendously negative repercussions. Whether you are conversing with your fellow networkers, your business associates, or with loved ones that are closest to you, it’s always best to know what you want to say and how you want to say it before anything comes out of your mouth.
Take it from someone who learned this the hard way.

 

 

 

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Five Myths About Flexible Work

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This blog is from an article that Manar Morales and I co-authored. A variation of the article was originally published with the Harvard Business Review at this link.

“Flexibility might be great in theory, but it just doesn’t work for us.”

We have literally heard this statement hundreds of times over the years. It doesn’t matter what industry we’re talking about — whether it’s tech, government, finance, healthcare, or small business, we’ve heard it. There’s always someone who works from the premise that “there’s no way flexible work policies can work in our organization.”

In reality, flexible work policies can work in any industry. The last two years have proven this. A 2021 Harvard Business School Online study showed that most professionals excelled in their jobs while working from home, and 81% either don’t want to go back to the office or would choose a hybrid schedule post-pandemic. It’s important to recognize, however, that flexibility doesn’t always look the same — one size definitely does not fit all.

The Myth of the Five C’s

You may be wondering, “If you can recruit the best candidates, increase your retention rates, improve your profits, and advance innovation by incorporating a relatively simple and inexpensive initiative, then why haven’t more organizations developed flex policies?” This question will be even harder for organizations to ignore after we’ve experienced such a critical test case during the Covid-19 pandemic.

We believe fear has created stumbling blocks for many organizations when it comes to flexibility. Companies either become frozen by fear or they become focused by fear. It is focus that can help companies pivot during challenging times. In the years that we’ve been working with companies on flexibility, we’ve heard countless excuses and myths for why they have not implemented a flex policy. In fact, the Diversity & Flexibility Alliance (DFA) has boiled these myths down to the fear of losing the 5 C’s:

  1. Loss of control
  2. Loss of culture
  3. Loss of collaboration
  4. Loss of contribution
  5. Loss of connection

Addressing the Fears

Myth #1: Loss of Control

Executives are often worried that they’ll open Pandora’s box and set a dangerous precedent if they allow some employees to work flexibly. They worry that if they let a few employees work from home, then the office will always be empty and no one will be working. The answer to this is structure and clarity. We can virtually guarantee that any organization that correctly designs and implements their flexibility policy will not lose anything.

To maintain control and smooth operation of your organization, it’s imperative that you set standards and clearly communicate them. Organizations should provide clear guidelines on the types of flexibility offered (for example, remote work, reduced hours, asynchronous schedules, job sharing and/or compressed work weeks) and create a centralized approval process for flexibility to ensure that the system is equitable.

It is also helpful to have a calendar system for tracking when and where each team member is working. You must also commit to training everyone on these standards — from those working a flexible schedule, to those supervising them, to all other coworkers. Education and training will help your team avoid “flex stigma,” where employees are disadvantaged or viewed as less committed due to their flexibility. Training can also help organizations to ensure that successful systems and structures that support flexibility are maintained.

Myth #2: Loss of Culture

While you may not see every employee every day, and you may not be able to have lunch with people every day, culture does not have to suffer with a flexible work initiative. However, it is essential that teams meet either in person or via video conference on a regular basis. DFA recommends that companies and firms first define what culture means to their individual organization and then determine how they might maintain this culture in a hybrid or virtual environment.

Many organizations with whom we’ve worked reported that they found creative ways to maintain culture during months of remote working during the pandemic. Many DFA members organized social functions like virtual exercise classes, cooking classes, happy hours, and team-building exercises to maintain community. Additionally, it’s important to take advantage of the days when everyone is physically present to develop relationships, participate in events, and spend one-to-one time with colleagues.

Myth # 3: Loss of Collaboration

As long as teams that are working a flexible schedule commit to regular meetings and consistent communication, then collaboration will not be compromised. It’s important for all team members to maintain contact (even if it’s online), keep tabs on all projects, and be responsive to emails and phone calls. We always recommend that remote teams also meet in person occasionally to maintain personal contact and relationships. For collaboration to be successful, remote employees must not be held to a higher standard than those working in the office. Additionally, technology should be used to enhance collaboration. For example, when companies are bringing teams together for brainstorming sessions, virtual breakout rooms can facilitate small group collaboration and help to ensure that all voices are heard. Some organizational leaders have also incorporated regular virtual office hours for unscheduled feedback and informal collaboration.

Myth #4: Loss of Contribution

We have often heard leaders say: “If employees are not physically at their desks in the office, then how will we know that they’re actually working?” But with endless distractions available on computers these days (from online shopping, to Instagram, to Facebook, etc.) you really don’t know what your employees are doing at their desks, even if they are in the office. In fact, they could be searching for a new job (that offers flexibility!) right before your eyes. It’s important to clearly communicate what is expected of each individual and trust that they will complete the job within the expected timeframe. All employees should be evaluated on the quality of their work and their ability to meet clearly defined performance objectives, rather than on time spent in the office.

Myth #5: Loss of Connection

Technology now enables people to connect at any time of the day in almost any location. Meetings can be held through a myriad of video conferencing applications. Additionally, calendar-sharing apps can help to coordinate team schedules and assist with knowing the availability of team members. Even networking events can now be done virtually. For example, one of our team members created a system for scheduling informal virtual coffee chats between partners and associates to maintain opportunities for networking and mentoring during the pandemic.

It’s important to know what your employees and stakeholders prefer in terms of in-person, hybrid, or virtual-only connection. In a survey conducted by BNI of over 2,300 people from around the world, the networking organization asked the participants if they would like their meetings to be: 1) in-person only, 2) online only, or 3) a blend of online and in-person meetings. One third of the participants surveyed said that they wanted to go back completely to in-person meetings. However, 16% wanted to stick with online meetings only, and almost 51% of the survey respondents were in favor of a blend of meeting both in-person and online. This is a substantial transition from the organizational practice prior to the pandemic, with a full two-thirds of the organization saying that they would prefer some aspect of online meetings to be the norm in the future.

Perhaps a silver lining of the pandemic will be that corporate leaders have overcome their fears of the 5 C’s and will now understand how flexibility can benefit their recruitment and retention efforts — not to mention productivity and profitability.

Accountability-for-Business-Success

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For a business organization to be successful, there must be accountability. If there must be accountability, then it follows that some systems and rules have to be in place.
This is also true for business networking groups such as BNI®.

I have found that one of the strengths of a network is that most of the members are friends, and one of the weaknesses of a network is that most of the members are friends. And friends don’t like to hold friends accountable.

 

Think about it like this: Ice hockey without rules would be boxing on ice. Without rules, your networking group would be chaos.

BNI chapters without rules and guidelines would be a coffee klatch of socializing around a table or a social club chit-chatting in a video meeting. You have to have rules, you have to have a system. The rules are important for long-term success.

 

Applying the Rules

Quality leadership is about having a positive attitude while maintaining accountability with diplomacy. It is about coaching people by guiding and helping them. Good leaders apply the policies and rules like Mandela, not Atilla. They use tough love, they show people that they care, and they make sure that the members of their team or of the group understand the why behind the accountability.

Remember: People don’t care HOW until they understand WHY. Accountability is critical for business success. Effectively maintaining accountability in a business or networking group leads to long-term success for the organization and its members.

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