Author Archives: Ivan Misner

Most people think that extroverts are better networkers. In this short video, I share why I think introverts have an advantage when it comes to business networking.

When you are networking and you want to make a connection with someone, remember to be more interested in them instead of trying to make yourself interesting. Ask questions about their business and get to know them better. This will help you develop your networking skills.

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below.

Related Posts:

One of the common mistakes I see leaders make is believing that big problems require big solutions. Whether it’s a struggling business, a declining networking group, or a team that has lost momentum, people often assume they need a sweeping plan, a major restructuring, or a dramatic intervention to turn things around.

My friend Dr. Mark McKergow, co-author of The Solutions Focus, offers a different perspective. In our podcast conversation, he shared a simple but powerful principle: Think big about where you want to go and act small when it comes to getting there.

That idea resonated with me because I have seen it work countless times throughout my career.

The Power of Tiny Signs

When people feel stuck, their attention naturally gravitates toward obstacles. They analyze what’s wrong, discuss why things aren’t working, and focus on everything standing in their way. Unfortunately, this often creates more frustration than progress.

Mark encourages leaders to ask a different question:
“What would be the first tiny sign that things are getting better?”

Notice the emphasis on tiny.

Most people initially describe something substantial. They will say they want higher revenues, stronger membership, or better team performance. Those are worthy outcomes, but they are not tiny signs.

A tiny sign might be a member volunteering for a leadership role. It might be someone arriving at a meeting with renewed enthusiasm. It might be a constructive conversation that wasn’t happening before.

These small indicators matter because they shift attention from problems to possibilities. When people begin noticing tiny signs of progress, they start believing progress is possible.

Small Steps Create Momentum

One of the most valuable lessons in Solutions Focus is that meaningful change often begins with surprisingly small actions.

Think about a train sitting on the tracks. The hardest part isn’t keeping it moving once it is underway. The hardest part is getting it started.

Organizations operate the same way.

A networking group that is struggling with attendance doesn’t necessarily need a major overhaul. It may need one small improvement that creates momentum. A business facing challenges may not require a complete strategic reset. It may need one productive conversation, one better habit, or one small adjustment that begins moving things in the right direction.

Once movement begins, confidence grows. Enthusiasm increases. New possibilities become visible. Progress starts building upon itself.

Here is another advantage of small steps: they are low risk. If a small action doesn’t produce the desired result, you have learned something valuable without investing enormous amounts of time, money, or energy. You can adjust and take another step. That is far more efficient than betting everything on one massive solution.

Everything Is Connected

Mark reminded me of a story from years ago involving an organization that had compiled a long list of problems. Together, we identified the three most important issues and focused only on those. What happened next was fascinating.

As they began making progress on those key challenges, many of the other problems began resolving themselves. Improvements in one area created positive ripple effects throughout the organization.

That is because everything is connected.

Success in one part of a business influences other parts. Improved morale affects communication. Better communication strengthens relationships. Stronger relationships create better results.

The same principle applies to networking.

When a chapter or group improves one critical area, such as visitor engagement or member participation, the benefits often spread far beyond that single initiative.
One positive change can trigger many others.

A Better Question

We live in a rapidly changing world. Technology and markets change. Customer expectations change. Traditional problem-solving approaches were developed during an era when conditions remained relatively stable. That’s why a solutions-focused approach is so valuable today.

Instead of continuously asking, “What’s wrong?” we can ask, “What do we want?”

The answer may change as circumstances change, which is okay. A solutions-focused mindset keeps us oriented toward the future rather than trapped in the past.

There is value in identifying problems. We need to understand what challenge we’re facing before we can address it. However, too many people stop there. They spend the majority of their time discussing what is wrong instead of exploring what is possible.

The more powerful question is: “What do we want to have happen?”

That question opens doors. It sparks creativity and encourages collaboration. It helps people imagine opportunities they have not yet discovered. Most importantly, it creates hope.

Whether you are leading a business, a team, or a networking group, remember this: when progress seems impossible, don’t look for the giant breakthrough.

Start by identifying the first tiny sign that things are improving. Take one small step. Then another. Because when you think big and act small, remarkable things begin to happen.

I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Leave a comment below.

Related Post:

For many years, I have recommended Dr. Mark McKergow’s book The Solutions Focus because its message is both simple and powerful: if you focus exclusively on problems, you become an expert on the problems. If you focus on solutions, you create a path toward a better future.

That distinction may seem subtle however, it can dramatically affect the outcomes we experience in our businesses, organizations, and relationships.

Limitations of Problem-Focused Thinking

Mark and I talked about this on the BNI Podcast. Most of us have been taught to solve problems. When something breaks, we identify the issue, analyze the cause, and work toward a fix. That approach works well for machines, systems, and technical challenges.

However, people are not machines. When human beings are involved, every conversation changes the environment. Every question influences the direction of thinking. The questions we ask matter more than we may realize.

A common question is: “What’s wrong?”

While that question can provide useful information, it often leads people deeper into frustration, blame, and dissatisfaction. Teams spend valuable energy revisiting mistakes, discussing obstacles, and reinforcing negative emotions.

The result is often a room full of people who understand the problem very well but remain unclear about the future they want to create.

A Better Question

Mark suggests a different starting point: “What do you want to have happen?”

At first glance, this may appear similar to asking what’s wrong. In reality, it shifts the entire conversation. When people begin discussing what they want, they naturally start describing a better future. They talk about possibilities. They identify goals. They become more collaborative because they are moving toward something instead of simply trying to move away from something.

Groups that focus exclusively on attendance issues, visitor challenges, leadership concerns, or member engagement often become trapped in cycles of frustration. The conversations revolve around what isn’t working.

The most successful organizations take a different approach. They ask questions such as:

• What would a thriving group look like?
• How do we want members to experience meetings?
• What kind of culture are we trying to create?
• What behaviors would lead us there?

These questions generate energy, alignment, and momentum.

Focus on What Is Already Working

One of the most valuable aspects of the Solutions Focus approach is the idea of identifying what is already working. Even during difficult times, something is usually going right.

Too often, organizations overlook these successes because they are preoccupied with their challenges. Yet successful change frequently comes from expanding existing strengths rather than endlessly trying to eliminate weaknesses.

This perspective encourages us to ask:

• What are we doing well already?
• When have we experienced success before?
• What strengths can we build upon?
• Which positive behaviors should we continue?

When people recognize what is working, they gain confidence. They begin to see evidence that improvement is possible. Instead of feeling stuck, they start identifying opportunities.

One of my favorite concepts from Mark involves a simple scaling question, “Why so high?” It is effective because instead of focusing on failure, people start recognizing success. Instead of reinforcing limitations, they begin to discover possibilities.

And once they see what is already working, it becomes easier to take the next step forward.

Holding the Vision Rather Than the Obstacles

This concept aligns closely with an idea I shared in The 29% Solution: hold the vision, not the obstacles.

Obstacles certainly exist. We all encounter them. However, spending excessive time worrying about barriers often prevents us from moving forward.

The future is not built by obsessing over what might go wrong. The future is built by maintaining a clear vision of what success looks like and then taking purposeful steps in that direction.

Most obstacles never become reality. Yet many people allow imagined challenges to consume their attention and energy. Leaders who create meaningful change choose to focus on possibilities, progress, and purpose.

Creating a Better Future

Whether you lead a networking group, run a business, manage a team, or simply want to improve your personal effectiveness, ask yourself:

Are you investing most of your energy discussing what is wrong?
Or are you creating conversations about what could be better?

The future is shaped by attention. What we focus on expands, and when we focus on problems, we often become experts in those problems.
When we focus on solutions, strengths, and possibilities, we create momentum toward meaningful change.

The better question is not, “What is wrong here?”
The better question is, “What do we want to happen next?”

That is where better futures begin.

One of the most common concerns I hear from people who want to grow their business through networking is this:

“Can people in the same profession really succeed in the same networking group?”

Many assume the answer is no. They worry that having multiple professionals from the same industry will create competition, reduce opportunities, and make referrals more difficult. However, a remarkable BNI USA chapter proves exactly the opposite. I spoke with Barry Stein, a workers’ compensation attorney and longtime BNI member in South Florida. Barry’s chapter has something that would surprise many people: 17 attorneys in a single networking group. That’s right – seventeen!

When I founded BNI^®, I never imagined a chapter could successfully accommodate that many legal professionals. However, this chapter is thriving, AND has built an extraordinary culture of collaboration, trust, and referral generation.

The secret isn’t having more attorneys. The secret is understanding the difference between a profession and a specialty.

The Power of Specialization

Many professions today have become highly specialized. Attorneys are an excellent example.

A business attorney who handles multimillion-dollar transactions is not necessarily the best person to assist a small business owner with a simple contract review. An employment attorney who represents employers serves a very different client than one who advocates for employees. A workers’ compensation attorney has expertise that differs significantly from that of a family law attorney.

Although they all share the title of “attorney,” their practices, expertise, and ideal clients are often completely different. The members of Barry’s chapter recognized this reality and filled classifications that reflected these distinctions. Rather than viewing all attorneys as competitors, they viewed them as specialists serving different needs.

That shift in thinking changes everything.

Scarcity Versus Abundance

The challenge for many networking groups is not professional classifications.
It is mindset.

A scarcity mentality says:
“If someone else in my profession joins the chapter, there will be less business for me.”

An abundance mentality says:
“If we attract talented professionals with complementary specialties, we can create more opportunities for everyone.”

Barry’s group embraced the second approach. When one attorney receives an inquiry that falls outside their area of expertise, they don’t try to force-fit the client into their practice. Instead, they refer that individual to the attorney in the chapter who specializes in that area of the law.

The result? Clients receive better service, referrals stay within trusted relationships, and everyone benefits.
This is a powerful example of Givers Gain_® in action.

The Referral Multiplier Effect

What many people fail to recognize is that professionals who understand one another’s specialties can become some of the best referral partners imaginable.

Think about it. A family law attorney regularly encounters situations that require estate planning expertise.
A business attorney may discover labor issues and introduce a client to an employment specialist.
A workers’ compensation attorney may identify circumstances requiring another legal discipline.

Instead of competing for the same opportunities, specialists create a referral ecosystem.

Barry shared that his chapter generates hundreds of referrals each month and millions of dollars in recorded Thank You For Closed Business annually. While those referrals are from the entire chapter, the attorneys themselves have become strong referral sources for one another because they clearly understand where their expertise begins and ends.

Bigger Vision, Better Results

One of my favorite comments from Barry is that members need to be “broad-minded” and maintain a larger vision. That is excellent advice.

Sometimes we become so focused on protecting our individual interests that we miss opportunities that benefit everyone. Yet in many cases, strengthening the group strengthens each member’s business.

This legal sphere has demonstrated exactly that. They have attracted highly qualified specialists and created an environment where members support one another rather than compete with one another. Some of their attorneys have remained active until retirement because the structure allowed them to focus on their strengths while complementary specialists handled other areas.

That is not a loss for the networking group. That is a win for everyone involved.

Same Profession, Different Expertise, More Referrals

The lesson here is not limited to attorneys. The same principle applies to accountants, financial professionals, coaches, consultants, healthcare providers, real estate specialists, and many other professions.

When classifications are thoughtfully defined and members embrace an abundance mindset, having multiple professionals from the same field can actually increase referral opportunities rather than diminish them. The key is specialization, trust, and a commitment to the collective success of the group.

Remember: your greatest referral partner may not be someone in a completely different profession. It may be someone in your profession who serves a different niche.

When members focus on collaboration instead of competition, everyone has an opportunity to grow.

Related Posts:

One of the biggest challenges people face when networking—especially when meeting someone for the first time—is knowing how to start a conversation. Many people use the typical, “Hi, what’s your name? What do you do?” Then they ask a few surface-level questions before moving on. The problem is that surface sentences rarely lead to meaningful connections.

Great networking is not about collecting business cards or delivering a sales pitch. It is about building relationships. And relationships begin with genuine curiosity.

Over the years, I have shared some questions that can help create engaging conversations. My good friend Bob Burg also has some exceptional networking questions that encourage people to open up and share their experiences.
The best questions help people talk about what they know, what they care about, and where they want to go.

Why Questions Matter

When you ask thoughtful questions, you accomplish several things at once:

• You learn valuable information about the other person.
• You demonstrate genuine interest.
• You uncover opportunities to help.
• You create rapport and trust.

The most effective networkers have learned that conversations are not about impressing other people—they are about understanding them.

Start with the Fundamentals

When meeting someone for the first time, there are several basic questions that can provide insight into their business and professional life:

• What do you do?
• Who is your target market?
• What is new in your business?
• What is your most popular product or service?
• How do you generate most of your business?
• Where is your business located?

These questions help establish context and give you a broad understanding of what someone does and how their business operates. However, if you stop there, you may miss the opportunity to develop a deeper connection.

Discover What Motivates Them

Some of the most powerful networking conversations happen when people talk about why they do what they do.

Questions such as:

• Why did you start your business?
• What do you enjoy most about your profession?
• What sets you apart from your competition?

These questions move the conversation beyond facts and into passion. They reveal motivation, values, and personality.

When people discuss what excites them about their work, their energy changes. They become more animated, more engaged, and more memorable. As a result, you gain a clearer understanding of who they are and what truly matters to them.

Learn from Their Experience

Networking becomes more interesting when you invite people to share the lessons they’ve learned along the way.

Consider asking:

• How did you get started in this business?
• What advice would you give someone just entering your profession?
• What significant changes have you seen in your industry over the years?
• What trends do you see coming in your field?

Questions like these acknowledge the other person’s expertise and experience. People generally enjoy sharing insights they have gained through the years of their work, and you may walk away with valuable knowledge as well.

Encourage Bigger Thinking

Some questions help people move beyond their current reality and think about possibilities.

One of my favorites is:

“What one thing would you do with your business if you knew you could not fail?”

This question often leads to fascinating discussions. It reveals ambitions, dreams, and untapped opportunities that may never surface during a typical networking conversation.

Another engaging question is:

“What is the biggest challenge facing you and your business right now?”

Understanding someone’s challenges creates opportunities to become a resource. Perhaps have a relevant idea, or you know someone who can help, and you can offer an introduction. Networking works best when it creates value for everyone involved.

The Question That Changes Everything

Of all the networking questions I have encountered, one of the most powerful comes from Bob Burg’s book Endless Referrals.

Bob says that this question “must be asked smoothly and sincerely, and only after some initial rapport has been established.”

“How can I know if someone I am talking to is a good prospect for you?”

This question is exceptional because it instantly changes the dynamic of the conversation. Most people focus on explaining what they do. Few take the next step and ask how they can help.

By asking this question, you demonstrate genuine interest in the other person’s success. You begin thinking like a connector rather than a seller. And that mindset reflects one of the most important characteristics of master networkers: helpfulness.

Focus on Connection, Not Conversation

You don’t need to memorize dozens of questions or ask all of them in a single meeting. In fact, doing so would probably make the interaction feel forced and insincere.

Instead, choose a few questions that fit naturally into the conversation. Listen carefully to the answers and let those answers guide where the discussion goes next.

The goal isn’t simply to keep a conversation going.
It is to create a connection.

When you approach networking with curiosity and a genuine desire to help others, the right questions become much more than conversation starters.

They become relationship builders.

And in the end, strong relationships are the true foundation of successful networking.

Related:

Gravity is real. We feel it when we walk up a hill or ride a bicycle on a trail. Coasting down the path feels good after the exertion to get up the hill.

Similarly, I have seen it in the way people sometimes behave. It is easy to feel comfortable when things are going smoothly. I share more in this video.

Businesspeople and networking groups may say, “I’m fine” or “We’re doing okay” because they are content with coasting along without realizing they are, in fact, coasting downhill.

Growth requires intention, effort, and continuous improvement.
Don’t settle for “fine.”

If you are coasting along for quite a while, recognize it and take action.
Challenge yourself to keep learning, keep stretching, and do things that help you be the best version of yourself.

So I ask you today: Are you coasting… or growing?

Related Post:

One of the questions I am asked most often is, “How can I get more referrals?” Over the years, I have shared many strategies, however the one answer that consistently rises to the top is: build deeper relationships through meaningful one-to-one meetings with referral partners.

That is exactly why I continue to advocate for the GAINS Profile—a simple yet powerful framework that helps people move beyond surface-level networking and create genuine connections.

We previously called it the GAINS Exchange because two people would exchange information about themselves. Today, we call it the GAINS Profile, but the purpose remains the same: to help people understand one another on a deeper level.

Why Relationships Matter More Than Information

I learned the true power of the GAINS Profile during an early test with two BNI Members, who were less than enthusiastic about the exercise. They had been in the same chapter for months and had never given each other a referral.

As they worked through the profile, something interesting happened. They discovered that both of them coached their sons’ soccer teams. That shared interest immediately sparked an animated conversation. The profile itself became secondary as they spent the remainder of their meeting talking about the challenges, victories, and joys of coaching young athletes.

Something else happened after that conversation. Within a few months, they began referring business to one another.

Why? Because they had formed a real relationship.

People naturally look out for those they know, like, and trust. The GAINS Profile creates opportunities to discover those points of connection that transform acquaintances into advocates.

What Does GAINS Stand For?

The acronym GAINS represents five areas that help people better understand one another:

Goals

Goals include both personal and professional objectives. Most people can discuss their business goals fairly easily, but don’t overlook personal goals. When you learn about someone’s family, hobbies, aspirations, or life ambitions, you often discover common ground that creates stronger bonds.

The clearer you are about your goals, the easier it becomes for others to recognize opportunities that can help you achieve them.

Accomplishments

For some people, discussing accomplishments feels a bit like bragging. It isn’t. Your accomplishments tell others what matters to you and what you are capable of achieving.

Whether it is a professional award, an educational degree, a personal milestone, or a significant achievement in your community, these stories provide valuable insight into your experiences, values, and expertise.

Interests

This is where relationships often begin. Maybe you enjoy sports, music, travel, fine art, books, boating, hiking, astronomy, or wine. Whatever your interests may be, they reveal another dimension of who you are.

Shared interests create rapport quickly because you stop seeing each other merely as business contacts and start seeing each other as people with common experiences.

Networks

Networks include the organizations, associations, institutions, and communities in which you participate.

You may discover that someone else served in the same organization years ago, belongs to a similar association, volunteers for the same cause, or supports a mutual charitable effort. Sometimes the smallest networking overlap becomes the beginning of a meaningful business relationship.

Skills

The more you understand another person’s talents and abilities, the better positioned you are to connect them with opportunities. Far too often, we know only a fraction of what our colleagues are capable of doing.

When we understand someone’s full range of expertise, we become significantly more effective referral partners.

A Better Way to Conduct the GAINS Profile

Over the years, I have updated one important aspect of how I recommend using the GAINS Profile.

Originally, people often shared their entire profile before the other person shared theirs. That approach sometimes led to one person consuming most of the conversation.

I now recommend taking turns.

For example: Person A shares their Goals. Then Person B shares their Goals. Person A shares their Accomplishments, then Person B shares their Accomplishments. And so on through Interests, Networks, and Skills.

This creates a much more balanced dialogue and ensures that both individuals feel heard and understood.

Remember, networking is not a presentation—it is a conversation.

The Secret Is Balance

One of the reasons the GAINS Profile works so well is that it combines both transactional and relational elements.

Skills, accomplishments, and networks help people understand your professional capabilities. Goals and interests help people understand who you are as a human being.

The most effective networking happens when both dimensions are present.

If networking becomes too transactional, relationships remain shallow. If it becomes entirely social, business opportunities may never emerge.

The GAINS Profile creates the ideal balance between the two.

If you haven’t completed a GAINS Profile recently, I encourage you to do so.

Use it during your next one-to-one. Revisit it with members you’ve known for years. Update it as your goals, accomplishments, interests, networks, and skills evolve. You may be surprised by what you discover.

After all, referrals don’t come from knowing what someone does.
Referrals come from knowing who someone is.

And the better we know one another, the more opportunities we create to help each other succeed.

Remember: Networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. The GAINS Profile helps cultivate the relationships that produce referrals for years to come.

How has the GAINS Profile helped you?

Have you ever known exactly what you needed to do—and still not done it?

You knew you should make the call. You knew you should follow up. You  knew you should apologize, exercise, ask for a referral, or take that next important step. The knowledge was there. The intention was there. But the action never happened.

That gap between knowing and doing is where many people get stuck.

Over the past two decades, I have had the privilege of being a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, an organization dedicated to personal and professional growth. During that time, I have observed an important truth about transformation: you can’t think your way into it. You have to live your way into it.

That distinction matters more than ever in a world overflowing with information. I share what I have learned with these four points.

Point 1: Clarity

Insight is not implementation.

We live in the information age. Today, we can access more knowledge in a single afternoon than most people throughout history could access in a lifetime. Whether it is about leadership, communication, sales, networking, or personal development, the information is readily available.

The challenge is that information alone does not create change.

You can read every book on networking. You can listen to every podcast. You can attend every conference and seminar. Yet, if your behavior remains the same, your results will remain the same.

I have met many people who can explain the referral process perfectly. They understand the principles, the systems, and the strategies. They can teach them to others. However, understanding is not the same as practicing.

Transformation begins when behavior changes, not simply when awareness increases.

Clarity is important. It’s the first step. But consistency is what produces results. Without implementation, insight remains little more than an interesting idea.

Point 2: Consistency

Identity follows behavior.

Many people believe confidence comes first. They think, “Once I’m confident enough, then I will take action.” In reality, it usually works the other way around.

You take action first, and confidence follows.

When I started networking, I wasn’t naturally comfortable with it. I was learning as I went. Yet the more I did it, the more comfortable I became. Repetition created confidence.

The same principle applies to almost every aspect of personal growth.

You don’t become confident and then speak up.
You speak up — repeatedly — and confidence grows.

You don’t become a great networker and then start asking.
You start asking — and over time, you become a great networker.

In BNI, we often talk about Givers Gain_®. That philosophy becomes meaningful only when it is practiced. Generosity is not something you think your way into. It is something you do repeatedly until it becomes part of who you are.

Transformation is not a light switch that suddenly turns on. It is a dimmer switch that gradually becomes brighter through your consistent action.

Point 3: Transformation Is Incremental, Not Instant

It happens one step at a time.

Many people wait for a breakthrough moment—a life-changing insight, a dramatic realization, or a powerful emotional experience.

Those moments can certainly happen. But lasting transformation usually looks much less dramatic. It happens through small, disciplined actions repeated over time.

Think about training for a marathon. You can’t think your way into endurance. You can’t visualize your way into stronger legs. Eventually, you have to put on your shoes and start running.

Networking works the same way.

It is one meeting at a time. One One-to-One at a time with each networking partner. One follow-up at a time. One referral at a time.

It is not dramatic, but it is powerful. Over time, those small steps create a powerful compounding effect and can produce extraordinary results.

Point 4: Community Accelerates Living

The power of community.

One of the reasons BNI_® is so effective as a referral networking organization is that transformation happens faster in the right environment.

Left on our own, it is easy to procrastinate, rationalize, or justify inaction. Yet when we surround ourselves with people who are modeling positive behaviors, something changes. We become inspired to raise our own standards.

When you see members consistently delivering effective weekly presentations and maintaining a positive attitude during challenges, those behaviors become contagious.

Community doesn’t simply teach transformation—it reinforces it.
That may be one of the greatest hidden benefits of belonging to a strong network.

Start Living It Today

If there is one lesson I hope you take away, it is this:
Don’t wait until you “feel ready.”
Don’t wait until you “fully understand” everything.
And don’t wait for the perfect mindset.

Pick one behavior to start the process. Just one.

• Make the uncomfortable call.
• Schedule the one-to-one meeting.
• Ask for the referral clearly.
• Practice listening more than speaking.
• Follow up with intention.

Transformation does not require a complete life overhaul.
It simply requires the next step.

You don’t think your way into becoming a better leader, a better networker, or a better version of yourself.

You live your way into it.

One action. One habit. One step at a time. Because transformation isn’t an idea that you can think your way into—it is a lifestyle. And you can start living it today.

I would love to hear your thoughts – leave a reply below.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned after decades of studying and practicing business networking is this: networking is a marathon, not a sprint.

Yet, time and again, I meet people who approach it as though it were a short dash. They expect immediate results and become discouraged when those results don’t appear quickly.

The most successful networkers understand from the very beginning that meaningful results take time. Just like training for a marathon, networking requires preparation, consistency, and a long-term vision. If you approach networking as a “get-rich-quick” strategy, you will almost certainly be disappointed. Yes, there are occasional quick wins, but sustained, long-term success comes from patience and persistence.

In the world of professional relationships and business growth, networking plays a pivotal role. I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power it can have on individuals and organizations. However, it’s important to understand what networking is—and what it is not. Effective networking is not about collecting business cards or making shallow connections. It is about building authentic relationships rooted in trust and credibility.

This is where the VCP Process_® becomes important—Visibility, Credibility, and Profitability. You don’t start with profitability. You must first become visible. Then, over time, you build credibility. Only after those foundations are solid does profitability naturally follow. Too many people try to skip these steps, often undermining their own success.

That’s why I often say: you are far better off delaying your success than accelerating your failure.

A Story of Impatience

A friend of mine, Emory Cowan, once shared a humorous and powerful story about patience. As a young man, he bought a bushel of Georgia peaches—those famous, fragrant fruits known for their sweetness. He took them home with dreams of pies and cobblers, setting them on the kitchen counter for a few days.

Soon, the aroma filled the house, and he realized he needed to act quickly before they spoiled. That is when inspiration struck: he decided to make peach wine. He gathered the necessary ingredients—a ceramic crock, sugar, yeast—and eagerly began the process.

Now, as anyone who has ever made wine knows, fermentation takes time. But Emory was impatient. Each day, he checked on the mixture, hoping it would be ready. It wasn’t. Days passed, and his impatience grew.

Finally, frustrated that it was taking too long, he decided to “improve” the process. He took the mixture, blended the peaches further, added extra sugar and yeast, and confidently returned it to the basement of his house, certain he had accelerated the outcome.

A week later, he eagerly tasted the results. What he had created was not a fine peach wine. It was vinegar.

Emory told me that this experience became a life-changing metaphor for him. Whenever he was tempted to rush a process—especially in building relationships—he remembered that batch of peach vinegar. His impatience had not produced better results; it had produced failure.

The lesson is simple but profound: some processes cannot be rushed.

Disappointment is often directly tied to unrealistic expectations.

Relationships—whether personal or professional—require time, energy, persistence, and, most importantly, patience. When we try to force them to develop too quickly, we risk damaging the very trust and credibility we are trying to build.

I have seen this happen frequently in networking groups. New members sometimes join with high expectations, believing they will generate significant business within a few months. When that doesn’t happen, they become frustrated and may even leave.

Yet here is the reality: six months is not a long time in the context of building meaningful business relationships. It takes time for people to get to know you, understand your business, trust your capabilities, and feel confident referring you to others.

If your expectation is immediate results, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. However, if your expectation is to build strong, lasting relationships over time, you are positioning yourself for long-term success.

Networking is not just about attending meetings. It involves one-to-one meetings with potential referral partners, learning about others’ businesses, and consistently showing up with a mindset of contributing to others. These activities are not “extra work”—they are the work. They are the foundation upon which successful referral-based businesses are built.

And yes, it takes time.

Here is the good news: if you commit to the process, the results will come.

When you embrace networking as a marathon, you begin to see progress differently. You understand that each conversation, each meeting, and each referral is part of a larger journey. Over time, those small, consistent efforts compound into something truly significant.

So, lace up your networking shoes. Focus on building genuine relationships.
Stay consistent. Trust the process.

And remember—when it comes to networking and building meaningful connections, it is always better to delay success than to accelerate failure.

Related:

I wholeheartedly believe this statement about your network being a Beacon of Hope, and I have seen it in action numerous times over the years since I started BNI in 1985.

You can watch this short video to learn when and why I created this Ivanism.

When you invest your time building relationships with other businesspeople, it is highly likely that your network will be there for you during difficult times. I have seen people support each other emotionally and professionally through weather events, natural disasters, economic challenges, and personal hardships.

Your network can provide value beyond helping your business grow. It is your beacon of hope when you need it most.

How has your network helped you? Share in the comments.

Related Posts:

At the 2025 BNI Global Convention in Sydney, something extraordinary happened.

Under the leadership of BNI Australia National Director Frederick Marcoux and his team, BNI officially set a Guinness World Records title for The Most People Attending a Business Speed Networking Event.

The numbers alone are impressive:
1,108 participants.
20+ rounds of introductions per person.
More than 20,000 One-to-One connections in 90 minutes.

However, this achievement is not only about a record. It is about a reminder of something far more important.

The Real Power Behind the Record

When Frederick first mentioned pursuing a Guinness World Record, I’ll admit—I thought he was crazy. As it turns out, he was brilliantly strategic.

Because at its core, this wasn’t about setting a record. It was about raising awareness of what networking really is—and why it matters now more than ever.

Too many people still misunderstand networking. They think it’s about selling. It’s not.

Networking is about building relationships, creating trust, and developing meaningful connections over time.

And in today’s rapidly evolving world—especially with the rise of artificial intelligence—that human connection is becoming even more valuable.

High-Tech, High-Touch

Decades ago, futurist John Naisbitt wrote that we were moving toward a “high-tech, high-touch” society, where technological advancement would make human relationships even more critical.

That prediction has become reality. As AI continues to reshape industries, automate tasks, and transform communication, people are asking a simple question:
Where does the human element fit in?

The answer is clear—it matters more than ever.

Networking amplifies human connection. And that is why what happened in Sydney is so significant.

When Everything Goes Wrong… And Still Works

Of course, setting a world record isn’t easy. In fact, Frederick shared that nearly everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

At one point, the room appeared to be underfilled, raising concerns from the Guinness adjudicator. Logistics were stretched to the limit. Timing was tight. Coordination had to be flawless.

And yet—it all came together. Why?
Because of preparation, teamwork, and adaptability.

Murphy’s Law says—what can go wrong, will go wrong.

And here is Misner’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
Murphy was an optimist. What can’t go wrong will go wrong, too.

Success doesn’t come from avoiding problems. It comes from being prepared to handle them. And that is exactly what the BNI Australia team did.

The Hidden Lesson in Speed Networking

What makes this accomplishment even more powerful is the method behind it.

This was not random interaction. It was structured, intentional networking—driven by the G.A.I.N.S. Exchange framework:

• Goals
• Accomplishments
• Interests
• Networks
• Skills

When you guide conversations in this way, networking goes beyond superficial and becomes strategic and meaningful. That is the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

Why This Matters for You

You don’t have to organize a world-record event to apply these lessons.
Here are three takeaways you can use immediately:

1. Networking Is About Relationships, Not Transactions
   Focus on trust first. Business will follow.
2. Structure Creates Better Connections
   Use frameworks like G.A.I.N.S. to deepen conversations and make them memorable.
3. Prepare for Challenges and Move Forward Anyway
   Whether it is a meeting, an event, or a new initiative, success often comes in spite of
   obstacles, not because they were absent.

What’s Next?

With this record, BNI hasn’t just made history—it has reinforced its position as a leader in the networking space. More importantly, it has created an opportunity to bring structured, high-impact networking to even more organizations, events, and professionals around the world.

And we know that the real opportunity is not reserved only for large events.
It is available to anyone willing to engage, connect, and build relationships with intention.

The world is changing rapidly. Technology will continue to evolve. Systems will become more automated. Processes will become more efficient.
Yet relationships, real, human relationships, will always be the foundation of long-term success. So get out there and connect.

Because if this Guinness World Records title proves anything, it is this:
The world doesn’t just benefit from networking—it needs it.

I would love to read your thoughts in the comments.

Related Posts:

Can creative incentives really increase referrals? The short answer is yes—but only when they are used thoughtfully and in alignment with relationship-based networking principles. Many professionals consider using referral incentives, yet few implement them effectively. Why? Because they focus too much on the reward and not enough on the relationship.

Let’s start with an important distinction. Offering referral incentives is not a new concept. Finder’s fees and financial rewards have been used for decades. While these can be appropriate in certain industries, they are not always the most effective approach. In fact, monetary or cash rewards can sometimes undermine the authenticity of a referral by making it feel transactional rather than relational. The incentives I am talking about are not meant to be a “kick back.” They are meant to be a sincere thank you for the business.

In my experience, the most powerful incentives are often non-monetary, and they tap into something much deeper: recognition, appreciation, and engagement.

An Incentive that Inspired Me to Give Referrals

Years ago, I experienced a simple and highly effective example of this. I had referred a friend to my chiropractor. On a subsequent visit to the chiropractor, I noticed a bulletin board in the waiting room listing patients who had recently made referrals. My name was on it. It felt good to be acknowledged, even in such a simple way.

A month later, I returned for another appointment and my name was gone. My immediate thought was, “Who can I refer so I can get back on that board?” And yes, I did make another referral.

This experience reinforced an important lesson: recognition can be a powerful motivator. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate; it needs to be meaningful.

That said, there is not a one-size-fits-all solution. People are motivated by different things, so the most effective referral strategies often include a mix of incentives. The key is to align your approach with the preferences of your network and the nature of your business.

How to Start

Before implementing any incentive program, it is important to consider the economics. Think about what it costs you to acquire a new client through traditional methods – advertising, marketing materials, sales calls, and time. When you compare those costs to a referral-based approach, you will often find that referrals are significantly more efficient and cost-effective.

Even modest incentives can represent a strong return on investment when they lead to quality introductions.

There are many ways to structure a referral incentive program. Some professionals offer a complimentary service when a referral becomes a client. Others provide small gifts, such as flowers, certificates, or items that reflect their brand. Depending on your industry, you might consider:

• Offering free consultations, samples, or assessments
• Providing service upgrades or added value at no additional cost
• Extending warranties, memberships, or service terms
• Creating exclusive opportunities or group benefits

The goal is not simply to “reward” someone—it is to reinforce the behavior of giving referrals and to demonstrate appreciation in a way that feels genuine and memorable.

Equally important is communication. When someone refers business to you, always follow up. Let them know the outcome. Thank them sincerely. This reinforces trust and encourages future referrals.

How to Get Ideas

If you are unsure what types of incentives will resonate with your network, don’t guess—ask. One of the most effective strategies is to gather a small group of trusted customers, colleagues, and friends and invite them to help you brainstorm ideas.

Host a simple lunch or meeting and present a clear objective: you are looking for creative, appropriate ways to encourage and acknowledge referrals. Prepare in advance by defining parameters such as budget, relevance, and timing. Then listen. The ideas generated from a diverse group can be far more insightful than anything you might develop on your own.

I have seen some very creative approaches over the years. One accountant offers clients a dinner experience that requires advance planning—keeping him top-of-mind long after the referral is made. A consultant sends unexpected gifts that spark conversation. A business owner provides experiences, not just items, creating lasting impressions. I share more ideas on my BNI Podcast, episode 428.

What all of these examples have in common is intentionality. The incentive is not random—it is designed to create a positive experience and keep the professional relationship active.

Ultimately, people refer business because they trust you and want to help. Incentives should never replace that motivation, they should enhance it.

When used effectively, creative incentives can strengthen relationships, increase referrals, and differentiate your business in a meaningful way. The key is to focus less on the reward itself and more on the experience it creates.

Because in referral-based networking, it is not just what you give—it’s how you make people feel that truly drives results.

I would love to hear your thoughts about giving or receiving referral incentives.