Ivan Misner, Author at Dr. Ivan Misner®
end a conversation

How to End a Conversation Without Offending Anyone Around You

I often get asked about the best way to end a conversation in a networking situation. Candidly, I think the answer is pretty simple. So, I’ll start this piece with the “simple solution.” In addition, for those of you who love to over-think things, I’ll give you some other “exit lines” options below.

The Simple Solution Saying

  1. Simply say something like, “It was really nice meeting you. Do you have a card so I can have your contact information? Thanks.” That’s it. Do not apologize because you have to go network and definitely do not say you see someone else you need to talk to. Simply thank them, end a conversation, and move on.
  2. Frame what you liked about the conversation or recap part of the conversation that you found most interesting and then state your simple solution saying above.
  3. If they say something that makes you think of someone else they should meet — tell them and promise to make an introduction.  If the other person is there at the event, make the introduction on the spot.  Being a “connector” at a networking event is always a good thing.
  4. Invite them to participate with you in another networking meeting you go to regularly, such as BNI. They may want to get out and meet more people. This is a great chance to connect them to another network of individuals and it gives you a chance to meet them again at your next BNI meeting.

The Exit Lines

For those of you who want more ways to end a conversation — I’ve read all kinds of “exit lines” and unless they are absolutely true — I don’t recommend most of them. Whether you’re ready to wrap it up immediately or have time for courtesies, here are a handful of efficient exit lines. Keep it simple and keep it honest. OK, you want to know what some of those other lines I recommend to end a conversation are — here you go:

  • I’ve got to get home by “X” o’clock to have dinner with the family
  • It’s been nice meeting you, I need to run to the restroom
  • I’ve got a deadline on a project and I need to take off

Anything similar to the above suggestions is fine but don’t fib. If you really have to leave and do something tell them. Otherwise, simply doing what I say above in your simple solution saying will work fine to end a conversation without offending anyone around you at your networking events.

Whatever you do, don’t “Seinfeld it.”

One of the really funny things on the old TV series Seinfeld was how the characters would go off on some crazy, complicated subterfuge or ruse and end up getting in more trouble than if they had just been candid to start with. Be polite, but be honest and direct. “Seinfeld-ing it” almost always fails and both you and the other person end up uncomfortable.

Remember: Don’t overthink it. Be polite and friendly. Don’t make excuses and politely move on. The real key about ending a conversation is how you follow up! 

andy lopata

The A-Z of Networking: V is for… (by Andy Lopata) [PART 1]

  • Vague
  • V-A-K learning styles
  • Veracity
  • Vibrant
  • Victim
  • Viral
  • Visibility
  • Visit
  • Voice
  • Volume
  • Voracious
  • Vulnerability

and more about Networking “V’s” in PART 2: coming soon

Click here to watch this video

Please click below to see Andy’s playlist of his networking tips from A to Z.

https://ivanmisner.com/category/a-to-zs-of-networking/

By knowing why you are networking and what you want to achieve, it is possible to plan accordingly and get great, measurable results. If you have any comments about Andy’s “V” list or any additional “V” words about networking you will want to add to the list. please leave me a comment below.

Andy Lopata

As a business networking strategist, Andy Lopata works with companies on how to use networking tools to develop their businesses. Networking is not just about sales. Whether for lead generation, breaking down silos internally, recruitment and retention of top staff or developing future leaders, networks and collaboration have a key role to play. Andy works with clients to help recognize that role and put the strategy and skills in place to leverage it.

mentors into your room

Let Mentors Into Your Room

How can you increase the number of mentors into your room?

First, create a two-column list. In the first column, write down everyone’s name who is currently in your room who enhances the quality of your life. That can be your personal life, your professional life, your spiritual life—anything that matters to you. These people can be family members, friends, community members, business associates, coaches, colleagues, spiritual leaders, and so on. Don’t neglect anyone who is a positive force in your life.

Next, in the second column, write at least one action you can take to strengthen each relationship. For family members, it might mean arranging more quality time together. If a spiritual leader is on your list, make it a priority to attend services more frequently if you are attending sporadically now. For business associates, perhaps you’ll want to extend an invitation for a lunch meeting or a discussion over coffee. Ivan has written extensively on the value of building strong networks in business, so if this is a new and unfamiliar area to you, consider reading more on the value of business networking to cultivate these positive relationships.

The steps you write don’t have to be complicated or earth shattering.

The point is, you want to create a concrete plan that will help you fortify the relationships you already have with mentors. Then pick up the phone, send the email, or attend the social gathering. Take steps today to strengthen your relationships with mentors by engaging them and, when appropriate, expressing the value they have in your life.

Put your Doorman to work to let mentors into your room. Then dedicate the time necessary to develop those relationships. The impact will have a compounding effect.

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

alienating

Why am I Alienating Others When Networking?

Behavior is key when networking-it makes or breaks the connections, and ultimately, the relationships you build. I’ve spoken before about the differences between approachable or alienating behavior, but I want to take a deeper look into what qualifies behavior as alienating. You may watch this video and suddenly realize that the little nuances you may have passed off as nothing, are actually keeping you from successfully networking.

Here are four ways you may be alienating others when networking:

1. Negative Attitude: Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Life is hard enough without having to lament about it all the time. If you’re always complaining or focusing on the negative aspects of life, you’re going to turn people off.

2. Closed Off Body Language: There’s a great graphic in the video that will show you what closed off body language looks like, but basically it means standing in a way that only allows for a conversation to happen between two or three people. If you have a bored or scowled look on your face, people won’t want to approach you. Finally, do not cross your arms.

3. Incongruence: Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t talk a big talk and not back it up. This will lead people to become skeptical of your dependability-which is bad if you’re looking to gain trusted referral partners.

4. Not Acting Interested in People: Be interested more than interesting.  A good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately.

If you’re still not sure you’re exhibiting these behaviors

Take a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next event and ask them to notice if you act in any of the above ways; you can do the same for them. Have an honest conversation afterward about what you both noticed and work out ways to improve your behavior. At the next event, try and be aware of yourself and the reactions you get when you change your behavior.

Are you approachable when it comes to mingling at networking events? You may not know that you are the one getting in your own way when it comes to meeting new people and kindling business relationships. But how can you really tell if you are approachable or alienating? Bring a trusted friend or referral partner with you to your next networking event and observe each other’s body language, the tone of voice and words. Afterward, exchange constructive feedback with the intent of helping each other become better referral partners.

say no

Improve Your Life by Learning How to Say No

Sometimes people come knocking at your door because they want something from you. However, you either don’t want to work with them or that project doesn’t resonate with you or your values. Other times, you may be dealing with people already in your room, and we feel this is an important aspect of our message. Here are seven ways you can say no and not come across like a jerk (or worse):

  • If I say yes, I’m afraid I’d let you down. A very effective way to tell someone no is to tell them you believe you’d let them down if you do what they are asking. It might be because you don’t have the bandwidth, the knowledge, or the expertise to do what they are asking; but, in any case, you’re not the person to help make this idea a success, and you don’t want to disappoint them. This type of response not only gets you off the hook but also affirms your work ethic and shows you want the person and their project to succeed.
  • Know the difference between an opportunity and a distraction. Recognizing this distinction begins by knowing your own personal or professional mission. If you know your purpose/expertise/mission, then you can say no when someone comes to you with something that is a distraction to that mission. This strategy can be particularly helpful for projects that perhaps interest you in theory but don’t align with your goals and mission in practice, right now. One of the best ways to apply this concept is to use the technique below.
  • Refer them to someone more qualified. When we say no to someone, we always try to refer them to someone who is more qualified or more suited to help that person. We also try to refer them to someone whose mission is more in alignment with their project. Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should if it’s not truly your area of expertise.
  • I don’t do that. Sometimes the request and response can be very simple. For example, when someone tries to convince Ivan to have a piece of cake or pie, he simply says, “Thanks, but I don’t eat processed sugar.” When they say something like, “Oh, just a bite,” he has no problem telling them they should feel free to have his bite—because he doesn’t eat sugar.
  • Don’t “Seinfeld” it. One of the really funny things on the old TV series Seinfeld was how the characters would go off on some crazy, complicated subterfuge or ruse and end up getting in more trouble than if they had just been candid to start with. Be polite, but be honest and direct.
  • Propose something else. If you are unable to do something that you’re being asked to do, offer them something else instead. If you are a restaurant owner, maybe you can’t afford to cater that 5K charity race for free, but maybe you can afford to donate several gift certificates for the charity to raffle. By proposing something else, you can still build a relationship.
  • When you say it, mean it! Be a broken record. Sometimes people don’t take no for an answer. Try to be polite, smile, and repeat what you said before. Don’t be surprised if you have to repeat yourself multiple times before people understand you meant what you said.

Let Me Help You Create Your Best Life

This is the premise behind the newest book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life” by Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio.

To order the book, please use this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom

The Kindle edition of “Who’s in Your Room” is available for a limited time for only $1. Download it while the Cyber Monday special lasts.
https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoomKindle

Andy Lopata

The A-Z of Networking: U is for… (by Andy Lopata)

This month, Andy Lopata shares his networking tips which begin with the letter “U”

  • Uber
  • Ubuntu
  • Unconditional
  • Underestimate
  • Undermine
  • Under-promise
  • Understanding
  • Understated
  • Unicorn (Yes he talks about unicorns)
  • Uniqueness
  • Useful
  • Useless
  • Utilize

Click here to watch this video

Please click below to see Andy’s playlist of his networking tips from A to Z.

https://ivanmisner.com/category/a-to-zs-of-networking/

By knowing why you are networking and what you want to achieve, it is possible to plan accordingly and get great, measurable results. If you have any comments about Andy’s “U” list or any additional “U” words about networking you will want to add to the list. please leave me a comment below.

Andy Lopata

As a business networking strategist, Andy Lopata works with companies on how to use networking tools to develop their businesses. Networking is not just about sales. Whether for lead generation, breaking down silos internally, recruitment and retention of top staff or developing future leaders, networks and collaboration have a key role to play. Andy works with clients to help recognize that role and put the strategy and skills in place to leverage it.

Free Webinars

Let Me Help You Create Your Best Life

The book, “Who’s in Your Room” (the public edition), is now available.  The lessons in this book are not only relevant to growing your business and your involvement in networking groups they’re also relevant to your personal life.   Therefore, I will be conducting regular free webinars to create your best life.
Free Webinars
Have you ever thought about this?: Am I living my BEST life?  Do you ever feel overwhelmed or inefficient?  Are you truly happy with everyone that you have around you?  Are you having trouble achieving some of your life goals?  If you said Yes to any of these questions, don’t worry – there’s hope.  You see, the quality of your life depends on the people in your life.  The book, “Who’s in Your Room“, will help you discover the secret to creating your best life by creating your best room.
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Free Webinars

I believe this book will have a bigger impact on people’s lives than any other book I’ve ever written. I’m willing to share these secrets with you in regular live webinars – for FREE.  Over the next several months, my co-authors and I will be conducting regular webinars where we will talk about the ideas from “Who’s in Your Room” and how you can apply them to your life today.  It’s all free. It costs nothing.  All we ask is that if you like the content of the book, you tell other people about it.  That’s it.  Free webinars to create your best life, and all we ask is that you be a book ambassador and let others know about the book if you feel it makes a difference for you.
 
 Free Webinars
If you would like to sign up for these free webinars or would like more information, I invite you into my room by going to this URL and signing up for the webinars: https://tinyurl.com/FreeRoomWebinars
Desperate Networkers

4 Desperate Networkers

Desperation is not referable. When people demonstrate certain behaviors as part of their networking efforts, it’s a tell-tale sign of desperation. Here are four types of behaviors that desperate networkers exhibit:

Click here to watch this video

The Card Dealer

This is probably the most common form of desperation that I’ve seen over the years. The Card Dealer is a person that darts around the room passing out cards like they’re at a poker table. They don’t spend time really getting to know anyone (unless they think they can get something from them). To the Card Dealer, networking is mostly a numbers game. The more people they can pass their cards to – the better they’re doing (or so they think). Card Dealers tend to have a network that is a mile wide but an inch deep because they don’t spend time building relationships. It never works in the long-run and they just look inexperienced, frazzled, and yes – desperate.

The Space Violator

Here’s the guy that thinks the closer he gets when he’s talking to you, the more you’ll be interested in what he’s saying. Nope. Not true. In fact, it has the opposite effect (especially if his breath has the aroma of a smelly camel). So, what’s the right distance to stand from someone without getting into their personal space? The answer to this question varies based on the cultural standards of the country you are in. In North America, it’s fairly common to have conversations at roughly “arm’s length” for people that you meet at a networking event. From my experience that distance is definitely less in some countries around the world. What’s also interesting is the issue of gender and personal space or “proxemics.” According to a “Journal of Psychology” study, “male-male pairs tend to interact at greater personal distances, whereas female-female pairs tend to interact closer.”

The Premature Solicitor

This is the person who confuses networking with direct selling. They meet you and immediately go into sales mode. They want you to do business with them without asking questions about you, your business, your interests, or your needs first. To this person, everyone is a target and every target is a dollar sign. These people are the reason why many individuals don’t like to go to networking events. They go to meetings and feel slimmed by people soliciting them for business. They leave the meeting and run home to get a shower.

The New Best Friend

Follow-up with the people you meet at a networking event is important. But be a professional – not a stalker. The New Best Friend is the over-eager seller who after you meet at a networking event – calls you, emails you, social media messages you, and tries to become your New Best Friend in the space of just a few days. Generally, they’re not actually trying to help you – they simply want to sell something to you. Granted, they may want to sell something to you because in their mind – it’s only to “help you,” but it’s never really about you. It’s about what they want from you. Desperation seeps from their pores. I’ve experienced this many times over my career. The one that stands out the most in my mind happened a couple years ago. I met a young man (late 20’s) at a networking event and he went right into “New Best Friend” mode – calling several times, emailing every day, messaging me on Facebook etc. But when he wrote me and said that he thought of himself like my son (yes, seriously – he said that) and he needed my help in his business venture – I had to pull the plug. I tried to pull it gently by talking about the importance of establishing credibility before pitching something and that the process of developing credibility takes time. Curiously, my “new son” abandoned me.

Desperation is not referable. Remember these behaviors when you go to networking events and whatever you do – don’t demonstrate these behaviors yourself. Remember that networking is more about farming, than it is about hunting.

Engines

Are the People Trying to Enter Your Room Engines or Anchors?

Over the years I’ve recognized that there are some people who are positive and supportive individuals that I really want to be around.  They are solutions focused relating to most problems and are almost always willing to talk through challenges with a positive end in mind.  These people are engines.  They help me be my best self and they motivate me to drive forward.

I’ve also noticed, as I’m sure you have, that there are some people who complain as though it were an Olympic event (for the record – it’s not!).  They tend to be negative, argumentative, and obsessed with problems.  I’ve learned not to spend much time with these people because they focus on all the things that are wrong relating to most challenges.   If all someone does is focus on problems – they become an expert on problems and not on the solutions.   These people are anchors, they hold me back and weigh me down.

Who do you surround yourself with: engines or anchors?

This is an important question for everyone.  It’s particularly important if you are trying to build a powerful personal network of people around you.  Is your network full of people who are engines helping you go to the next level in your life or your career?  Or, are they anchors weighing you down with the plethora of issues, problems, and complaints? Do they hold you back, or do they drive you forward?

The funny thing here is that no-one thinks they’re an anchor.  No one!  Of course, they’ll tell you that they are an engine – they just do not like the direction you are going and that’s why they come across the way they do.  For the record – they’re an anchor – with a motor attached. My advice is to call for “all hands on deck,” cut loose the anchors in your life, partner up with your fellow engines and go full-speed ahead.

Doorman

This is where your Doorman comes in. Your Doorman is looking for engines, people helping you go to the next level in your life. Your Doorman should forbid entrance to the anchors, people weighing you down with a plethora of issues, problems, and complaints.

This is just a little of the content from my new book, “Who’s in Your Room? The Secret to Creating Your Best Life.”  Check out the book here: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom.

If you would like to be in my room, CLICK HERE. 

Book Ambassador

I want to invite you to be part of my room and part of my story

Do you want an invitation?

Be part of a special group of friends online and I will share with you exclusive access to me and my co-authors: Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio. If you love to help others, we can help you connect and spread the message of keeping toxic people out of your room. Change your life and the lives of others. Click on the link below to learn more about promoting our self-improvement message with your family and friends.

Become a Book Ambassador for my newest book, “Who’s in Your Room?”

What do you get as a Book Ambassador?

1. Live webinars on elements of the book where you will get the author’s
perspective on how to apply the room concept in your life and in your business.
2. “Ask the Author” webinars where you can ask the authors any question you
would like about the content and how they apply it in their lives.
3. Special downloads from the book website.
4. Special videos just for Book Ambassadors.
5. Materials and content that you can use on your social media regarding ideas
from the book.
6. Opportunities for live 1-2-1 sessions with one of the authors.

Click here to learn more:

Ambassadors

Welcome to Thailand

Welcome to Thailand

This week most of our BNI directors from around the world are traveling to Bangkok to attend the BNI Global Convention. Welcome to Thailand. To those BNI directors and members attending, I am looking forward to meeting you. Therefore, if you have never been to Thailand, here are some tips from Kollakit Thalerngnawachart, the National Director of BNI Thailand that will make your trip to Bangkok more enjoyable!

Thailand is honored and proud to welcome all of our BNI Directors and members to the BNI Global Convention in Bangkok. Thailand has everything to offer for a pleasant trip to this land of smiles.

The “Wai”

or pressing your palms together at chest or nose level and bowing your head slightly, is a gesture that you will encounter almost immediately upon arrival in Thailand. It is as common as a handshake. Thai people greet each other with the “Wai”. This salutation is not only used to say “Hello” but can also be used to say “Thank You” or “Apologize” someone.

Temple Manners

Your travels to Thailand would not be complete without visiting a few temples. Most temples require that guests dress conservatively by covering the shoulders and knees and removing shoes before entering sacred places.

Thai Language

The spoken and written Thai language is largely incomprehensible to the casual visitor. However, English is widely understood, particularly in Bangkok where it is almost the major commercial language. Furthermore, English and some other European languages are spoken in most hotels, shops, and restaurants in the major tourist destinations.

Centara at Central World.

Our Convention venue is of world-class standard. It is right in the heart of Bangkok, with first class facilities. Therefore, the area has everything to offer from local restaurants to world-class shopping experience where you will sure to enjoy.

MORE TIPS:  It is also important to know the role that cultural differences play into global networking 

In conclusion, welcome to Thailand, the land of Smiles and to the 2018 BNI Global Convention!

Kollakit Thalerngnawachart | National Director, BNI Thailand

manage

The Secret to Creating Your Best Life is to Know How to Manage Who’s in Your Room

Do you love the life that you created? Learn how to live your best life, embrace happiness, and discover how to manage “Who’s in Your Room”.

This video will give you a good overview of what the book is about. Therefore, please watch this video at creating your best life

Live your life to the best by learning how to manage the best room to live in

  • is your room to full of people already?
  • is your room too loud?
  • is your room full of drama?
  • is your room boring?
  • is your room full of angry people?
  • is your room chaotic?
  • is your room full of weird people?
Do you feel lost without people who can provide friendship and advice?
The solution is to take control of your room and take control of your life.
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The quality of your life depends on the people in your life. First, learn the secret to creating your best life by managing “Who’s in Your Room.” Therefore, change your life and click on this link: https://tinyurl.com/WhosInYourRoom
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